?

[MistyGreen]

I'll try to cut a long story short.

 

I've been with my partner for 4 years now and we've had some problems with porn in the past that were solved by us both agreeing to watch it together and not alone.

 

I'm now 9 months pregnant and around my 6th month my partner told me he didnt feel comfortable having sex with me until after the birth. Unfortunatly, this also involves any other kind of intimacy (if you know what i mean). I know it's not because he worries about harming the baby as we tried to be intimate a while back and he made me lie in a way so he 'couldnt see my belly' so i know its because he finds me a turn off at the moment.

 

A while ago he started to sleep in the living room due to the fact that his snoring kept me awake all night and i was getting very tired because of it, so i now go to bed a lot earlier than he does.

 

I was looking for a programme on his pc a while ago (around when i was 7 months) and discovered that he'd been downloading porn again. I think he waits until i go to bed then watches it.

 

I felt and still do feel upset by it. Nothing has changed in regard to our love life and i feel ugly, fat and unappreciated. I feel let down by him as this should be one of those times when a women feels loved and cared for, instead i feel like i'm a total turnoff for him.

 

I find that i cant sleep sometimes as i'm worrying what he's doing after i've gone to bed, but the thought of confronting him with this at this stage of my pregnancy scares me too as we've had some enormous fights about this subject in the past.

 

It may seem silly but i also feel uncomfortable about him being present at the birth because of the way i think he sees me.

 

I suppose what i'm asking from you guys is, what should i do and am i justified in feeling like this? I understand men watch porn, its what they do etc etc blah blah, but couldnt he, just for once, put my feelings first? Why risk me finding out and hurting me like this? Is it worth it?

 

I hope you guys can help as i'm really low at the moment about this.

 

Thanks.

[Geishawhelk]

I'll ......and he made me lie in a way so he 'couldnt see my belly' so i know its because he finds me a turn off at the moment.

 

This is so insulting I can't even begin to answer it.

 

....I was looking for a programme on his pc a while ago (around when i was 7 months) and discovered that he'd been downloading porn again. I think he waits until i go to bed then watches it.

 

I felt and still do feel upset by it. Nothing has changed in regard to our love life and i feel ugly, fat and unappreciated. I feel let down by him as this should be one of those times when a women feels loved and cared for, instead i feel like i'm a total turnoff for him.

 

I find that i cant sleep sometimes as i'm worrying what he's doing after i've gone to bed, but the thought of confronting him with this at this stage of my pregnancy scares me too as we've had some enormous fights about this subject in the past.

 

It may seem silly but i also feel uncomfortable about him being present at the birth because of the way i think he sees me.

 

I suppose what i'm asking from you guys is, what should i do and am i justified in feeling like this? I understand men watch porn, its what they do etc etc blah blah, but couldnt he, just for once, put my feelings first? Why risk me finding out and hurting me like this? Is it worth it?

 

I hope you guys can help as i'm really low at the moment about this.

 

Thanks.

It's what men do?

No, it's not.

It's what inconsiderate, cold, callous unfeeling b's do.

 

Frankly?

You need to confront him, and tell him exactly how you feel.

His behaviour is deplorable and tantamount to infidelity.

He has no rtespect for you, and no concern for your feelings. He also doesn't understand that a woman going through pregnancy is emotionally more fragile and volatile due to hormonal conflicts and changes.....

 

He needs a darned good slap up de head, and smartly too.

Read him the riot act.

[Jersey Shortie]

Another one bites the dust.

[porter218]

Maybe he thought that since you are not having sex at the moment that he was 'allowed' to watch porn to substitute??? Maybe it is just a communication problem??

Are those other options(oral and such) not an option with you guys?

Even at the risk of an argument you should talk to him about this. He shouldn't be hurting you while you are sacrificing your body to give him a child. Let him know how it is affecting you.

[Frankasy]

Just so you know I would never watch porn with my gf. I mean the fact that she's seeing naked men, even through the TV and when I'm there, disturbs me. Anyways you've seen the porn movies but have never caught him watching so don't accuse him right away. I mean the chances of him watching porn when you fall to sleep are big but if you're so suspicious, wake up one night when he will think that you are sleep and walk in the room. If he's watching porn, your doubts were right and when the baby is due you two need some recounciling, if not you were worrying for nothing and know that you have a great man to raise a child with.

[sxyNYCcpl]

My take is this.

 

I think your husband is being a butt-head about dealing with his feelings about your pregnancy, and his current image of your body. That said, in a few weeks you will no longer be pregnant, and in a few months you'll be back to pre-baby condition. You could hold the fact that he's being a butt-head against him for the rest of his life, or you could just let it go. Some men get freaked out by the actual biological side of reproduction, and as pregnancy is temporary my advice would be to just let it go, but the choice is yours.

 

As for the porn aspect, his issues with the pregnancy muddy the waters. Typically, my advice is that if the porn is not resulting in other relationship issues (i.e. he'd rather spank to porn than have real sex with a ready, willing, and able wife) then it's nbd. Given your situation, it's hard to know if that's true or not. I'd advise not to make a stink about it until the whole pregnancy thing is off the table as an issue. If things go back to normal, all is well and you didn't have unnecessary drama. If not, deal with it then.

[Mr. Lucky]

Typically, my advice is that if the porn is not resulting in other relationship issues (i.e. he'd rather spank to porn than have real sex with a ready, willing, and able wife) then it's nbd.

But isn't that what is indeed going on? He has a wife that wants to be intimate with him and he's choosing his flat screen instead. Foolish and inconsiderate.

 

MistyGreen, I think you have to at least tell him (in a calm, non-confrontational way) how you feel. This pregnancy is happening to both of you so get him on board...

 

Mr. Lucky

[sxyNYCcpl]

But isn't that what is indeed going on? He has a wife that wants to be intimate with him and he's choosing his flat screen instead. Foolish and inconsiderate.

 

Perhaps, but factoring his queasiness at the pregnancy into the equation, it could be only a temporary thing. As I said, I think he's being a butt-head, but if you have a disease that's going to go away all by itself, having surgery to get rid of it seems unnecessary. Likewise, should things go back to normal for Mr. and Mrs. Misty after the pregnancy is concluded without the need to have a confrontation about it than avoiding a confrontation now will mean no hard feelings then.

 

She's 9 months along, she'll be not pregnant quite soon. In fact, given she hasn't replied at all to this thread, perhaps she's giving birth as we speak...

[Jersey Shortie]

It's special when you have a man's baby and he turns to porn.

[MistyGreen]

Hey all, thanks for your advice, i havent had the baby yet, just havent had a chance to check the pc til now lol I still have 5 days left to go anyway...

 

I've read and reread all of your responses and tonight will have a think about what i should do. Leaving it/forgetting about it doesnt feel 'right' to me but confronting him doesnt appeal either at the moment so i have to give it all some thought.

 

I know i'm not happy about this tho and it's kind of put me off having anymore children with him, unless ofc things are sorted out.

 

I read somewhere that i should dress up etc and try to make an effort but when i tried that, i looked in the mirror and thought i looked ridiculous and after what he's been looking at lately i just didnt have the confidence to follow it through.

 

Anyway, i really appreciate all of your views and advice and will check in again in the morning, hopefully with an idea of where to go from here.

 

Misty

[Stung]

the issue is how he is making her feel about herself and the way that he sees her. that is not going to 'just go away by itself' after she gives birth to their baby. it's not like, 'oh, well, i just popped that puppy out after 40 hours of grueling labor so now i can forget about the last three months of feeling unloveable and neglected.' pregnancy is an extremely sensitive time for most women and his callousness feels damaging to her. she's carrying his baby and he's ignoring her physical needs and making her feel bad about it to the point where she isn't even sure she wants him in the delivery room because she thinks he will make her feel uncomfortable about the natural things her body is going through. for a woman to not want the father of her child to be there for that moment is a BIG DEAL. OP, i'm hoping he just doesn't realize how deeply this is affecting you, and you two can talk it out. give him a chance to make this up to you before you make any long-term decisions. i totally understand that you need to feel comfortable and protected while you're in labor, but don't forget how much you might regret it later if you exile him from the experience without trying to work it out first. and make sure to ask yourself how much of your emotional reaction is your own, and how much is also fueled by your current hormonal flux. not to say that he's not being a jerk, because he is. but maybe he'll come around so you can both meet halfway and put it behind you once your baby is here.