What about the dumpee fathers..how we deal with it??

[smileysmile]

she called me childish ths morning when I picked D up. I said she was out of order to have a stranger (3 .5 weeks) to be sleeping next to D room and to be introduced to D.

 

She said have you been stalking me? Because I happen to know how many weeks it was. She said you are allowed to have a R and I am not?

 

Nobody is saying she doesn't deserve one. This about my D.

 

I am sure she would feel the same if roles were reversed.

 

I left and headed down the road when she rang me to say that I could meet him and that he had no problem meeting me. I couldn't believe it!

 

I said you disgust me and hung up. Is she taking the p*ss?!

 

I texted her later when D was asleep to say her gesture was ridiculous and that did she think I would want to meet a stranger to you and my D?

 

I said my solicitor will be in touch with hers and that she would have to come to my house to drop off or pick up D equally. That I am not just a glorified sitter and that it will have to be officially agreed incl. stay overs at my house. And that the fact she has a man half staying over will have to be documented in the interests of D welfare.

That all this would have to be with a mediator.

 

I finally said don't have a go when I have another woman involved with D because you might just realize how I am feeling.

And that I can assure you I am not bothered about your R.

 

Nothing aggressive. I will leave it like that now

[husbndinthemaking]

SUP..Her opinion or view is ..as long as daughter is cared for whatever else she does is ..whatever man she decides to spend her life with..whatever man friend/boyfriend she brings home..again as long as ***** is cared for is NOTHING to do with me!

 

I am not sure if he is just company (being a single mum) or now dating him. He has to travel 1 hr 10 mins to work and pay £5.30 bridge toll fee everytime he comes over the bridge to see her. I think he resides near his work.

I am shocked by her actions I really am.

 

Want your wife back? Or just want to move on? Let me know if you want my opinion. I'll be glad to share it with you.

 

Try this... Next time you have a date with your D, tell your wife that you can not do it cause you have a date that night. What is her response?

[smileysmile]

Come on, want my wife back? I miss us as a family and I guess I still have feelings but this is not what is about. It is the way she brought a stranger into the house, overnight next to my bedroom and this all in 3.5 weeks!!

 

Ok I hurt her. But would a rational person owe me at least the courtesy/decency as to this introduction to my D? So many single mums would delay this until they were sure they were serious and that he was serious. You as I know that men take advantage of single mums. Vulnerable, attention seeking etc and leave after 5/6 mths!

 

It happens often.

 

So as I hurt her maybe she is bitter and thinks she doesn't owe me anything..period!!

But she is intelligent and so am I. We are or were an attractive couple.

I am saying that she not acting rational and letting me know she is introducing a man to our D. If it were me I would show the courtesy.

 

I defy any father in my position not to act emotionally/concerned as me. However, I am not some nutter. I am not going to harrass them. Far from it.

 

Also it isn't a 'date' with my D. It is a rota based system because I work irregular shifts. I don't want to call it a date.

I can assure you she isn't interested what I do. As far as I am aware.

 

But down the line, if I meet a pretty and intelligent lady then when the time comes to introduce her to my D then we will see how my STBXW feels

 

I can't wait for theday my D can talk andsay to her man.." you're not my dad! I want my real dad!"

[husbndinthemaking]

Come on, want my wife back? I miss us as a family and I guess I still have feelings but this is not what is about. It is the way she brought a stranger into the house, overnight next to my bedroom and this all in 3.5 weeks!!

 

Ok I hurt her. But would a rational person owe me at least the courtesy/decency as to this introduction to my D? So many single mums would delay this until they were sure they were serious and that he was serious. You as I know that men take advantage of single mums. Vulnerable, attention seeking etc and leave after 5/6 mths!

 

It happens often.

 

So as I hurt her maybe she is bitter and thinks she doesn't owe me anything..period!!

But she is intelligent and so am I. We are or were an attractive couple.

I am saying that she not acting rational and letting me know she is introducing a man to our D. If it were me I would show the courtesy.

 

I defy any father in my position not to act emotionally/concerned as me. However, I am not some nutter. I am not going to harrass them. Far from it.

 

Also it isn't a 'date' with my D. It is a rota based system because I work irregular shifts. I don't want to call it a date.

I can assure you she isn't interested what I do. As far as I am aware.

 

But down the line, if I meet a pretty and intelligent lady then when the time comes to introduce her to my D then we will see how my STBXW feels

 

I can't wait for theday my D can talk andsay to her man.." you're t my dad! I want my real dad!"

 

All I can say is, keep up this fighting attitude with your wife and you can kiss your family goodbye.

 

Your wife is doing the things she is doing to piss you off. To get a 'rise' out of you. So the longer you let her see your negative feelings towards her decisions, the more she will do it. She feels in control of you right now by doing this. It sounds like you may have been the 'controling' type. Am I right?

 

Another thing your wife is seeing is that you care more about your daughter than you do about her. This is the impression you are giving her. This hurts your wife's feelings and keeps her away from you. In order for you to reconcil with your wife, you need to be willing to take your daughter out of the middle. Right now, it seems like you are getting ready to play your daughter against your wife because of her behavior. Big mistake.

 

I defy any father in my position not to act emotionally/concerned as me.

- Your situation was similar to mine. Only difference is, I did something about it. Now my 2 year old daughter has her daddy back.

 

 

Keep this attitude up if you want to end your marriage. I'm just being honest here.

 

If you want to fix your marriage, let me know. I can get you on the right path only if you are willing to forgive, forget, and move on.

[TrustInYourself]

All I can say is, keep up this fighting attitude with your wife and you can kiss your family goodbye.

 

Your wife is doing the things she is doing to piss you off. To get a 'rise' out of you. So the longer you let her see your negative feelings towards her decisions, the more she will do it. She feels in control of you right now by doing this. It sounds like you may have been the 'controling' type. Am I right?

 

Another thing your wife is seeing is that you care more about your daughter than you do about her. This is the impression you are giving her. This hurts your wife's feelings and keeps her away from you. In order for you to reconcil with your wife, you need to be willing to take your daughter out of the middle. Right now, it seems like you are getting ready to play your daughter against your wife because of her behavior. Big mistake.

 

- Your situation was similar to mine. Only difference is, I did something about it. Now my 2 year old daughter has her daddy back.

 

 

Keep this attitude up if you want to end your marriage. I'm just being honest here.

 

If you want to fix your marriage, let me know. I can get you on the right path only if you are willing to forgive, forget, and move on.

 

Totally agree. Well said. It's up to you if you want to play her game by her rules. I personally would not give her the satisfaction.

[smileysmile]

Our er so called M is not going to be saved because we have lived apart in separate houses for 12 mths plus I am waiting for the decree nisi (first part of D) to come through.

 

What part do you think I can save?

 

I was told I was controlling in our 2.5 yr R/M.

 

But there are alsorts of 'controlling.'

 

Many women say there husbands are controlling. She knew what she was doing when she M me after 21 mths together 'cos she 'loved me.'

 

I have many qualitities however when you live together and getting to know each other you come across each others indifferences etc.

 

I am not a controlling person. But communication between 2 people can be misintrepreted, misundestood.

 

So, I have just send her a final text saying I am trying to get used to the idea of another man in D life and its all new to me. I said don't mean tio come over as uncaring and all about me! I really hope you will be happy and thats important as well as D.

Shes going to grow up to be a bright and beautiful woman, just like her mum. See you at 7.

 

Ahhhhh too much at the end.

 

Ok Trust In yourself you must have kept up with my story over the mths. How can you help? And what about you? Did you win?

[TrustInYourself]

Well first off, that's a great message and you should be proud you can say that after all the crap she put you through. Hats off for that.

 

As far as winning in my situation, there is really no winning per se. It's all about decisions and being the best you can be no matter what happens. Life looks out for people who do that. I have no doubt that in the end, you'll find happiness as long as you remember that.

 

That's my piece.

[husbndinthemaking]

Our er so called M is not going to be saved because we have lived apart in separate houses for 12 mths plus I am waiting for the decree nisi (first part of D) to come through.

 

What part do you think I can save?

 

I was told I was controlling in our 2.5 yr R/M.

 

But there are alsorts of 'controlling.'

 

Many women say there husbands are controlling. She knew what she was doing when she M me after 21 mths together 'cos she 'loved me.'

 

I have many qualitities however when you live together and getting to know each other you come across each others indifferences etc.

 

I am not a controlling person. But communication between 2 people can be misintrepreted, misundestood.

 

So, I have just send her a final text saying I am trying to get used to the idea of another man in D life and its all new to me. I said don't mean tio come over as uncaring and all about me! I really hope you will be happy and thats important as well as D.

Shes going to grow up to be a bright and beautiful woman, just like her mum. See you at 7.

 

Ahhhhh too much at the end.

 

Ok Trust In yourself you must have kept up with my story over the mths. How can you help? And what about you? Did you win?

 

I think you can save your marriage if you really want to. It's really up to you.

 

Nobody makes anyone do anything unless they have a gun to your head. Does she have a gun to your head? No. So the choice is yours.

 

Right now you feel hatred, remorse, fear, etc. When you are willing to stop feeling this way, you can turn your marriage around.

 

It is arguing, negativity, miscommunication that cause a broken marriage. This is fact.

 

It will not change over night. But if you were to focus on improving and ditching the negative attitude towards your wife, it will only repair her broken feelings about you.

 

Watch this:

 

My wife used to say things like this to me:

 

"I am not in love with you anymore." - Wife

 

I would respond like this, "What? Why not? What happened? I can't believe you are saying this to me!" - Old response

 

Then I learned from my mistake and replied like this, "Wow. I am sorry to hear that you feel this way. I had no idea you felt like this. Is there anythig I can do to help you?" - New reply

 

Now, the old reply tells her that I am only concerned about myself and my feelings. This will NEVER work for her. She feels as though I do not care how she feels and hates me for it.

 

The new reply shows her that I am willing to make her happy and I care about her emotions and feelings. This is the way to repair your marriage.

 

If you play that you are the victim with her, consider your marriage over. This will never help her heal her feelings towards you. Yeah, you are hurt also. But the only feelings you can change are your own at first. If you change and become more positive about her feelings, she will come back emotionally.

 

Want your wife and daughter back? Make the changes I stated here and it will work. Don't want to? I guarantee your marriage has ended.