It's all gone wrong

[Geishawhelk]

Good.

 

Good, good, good, good, good.

 

Now keep it up.

[Sup]

I was also staggered last night by the strength of my husband's reaction when he finally finished reading through the whole thread - he described it as venomous.

 

 

Strength of his reaction? Venomous? By whose responses, yours, or ours?

 

I admit that us posters here are blunt to a T, especially that Bish and Darth Vader guy. But at least we're telling the truth, we don't pull punches, or hold back our opinions. I just hope we don't get into trouble in some way for that. Anyway, that's part of the risk of telling it like it is.

[anne1707]

Strength of his reaction? Venomous? By whose responses, yours, or ours?

 

 

My responses - he agrees with pretty much all the other posts. And Bish hasn't posted to this thread so I know it could be tougher still on me!

[Bryanp]

Hello Anne,

 

Reading your most recent post, it is clear to me that you really get it. You realized what you have done and are quite remorseful. You understand that it is your husband you truly love and are seeing him in a way you have not seen him for a very long time. You are out of the fog and truly seeing things clearly and rationally. Some men can get over what you have done and some obviously can't. I am convinced that no matter what happens you will be a much better person in the future and a great deal more empathetic to the needs of those who truly care for you. I wish you all the best.

[anne1707]

I hope so Bryanp. I know its a long way to go though and because of the way things have gone up and down, I would not like to say I am out of the fog yet. I really did think I got it a few weeks ago but recent events have shown that I am not there yet. All I can do is deal with each day as it comes and hopefully things will improve.

[SoulStorm]

I hope so Bryanp. I know its a long way to go though and because of the way things have gone up and down, I would not like to say I am out of the fog yet. I really did think I got it a few weeks ago but recent events have shown that I am not there yet. All I can do is deal with each day as it comes and hopefully things will improve.

YAYYY! you are finally on the road to recovery. I am happy for you, but you still have a long way to go.

 

But I am really happy that you can finally peek out of the fog. Good for you!

Keep it up!

[Sup]

My responses - he agrees with pretty much all the other posts. And Bish hasn't posted to this thread so I know it could be tougher still on me!

 

 

You haven't seen Darth Vader come roaring in, better hope he doesn't! I've seen some of his posts, they ain't pretty!

[anne1707]

You haven't seen Darth Vader come roaring in, better hope he doesn't! I've seen some of his posts, they ain't pretty!

 

Oh, I know he's scary too.

[The_411]

Anne,

 

I would recommend visiting www.marriagebuilders.com. You should set up cousneling with Dr. Harley as they are very good about set up plans and they are experts on revuilding marriages.

[bish]

Strength of his reaction? Venomous? By whose responses, yours, or ours?

 

I admit that us posters here are blunt to a T, especially that Bish and Darth Vader guy. But at least we're telling the truth, we don't pull punches, or hold back our opinions. I just hope we don't get into trouble in some way for that. Anyway, that's part of the risk of telling it like it is.

 

Venemous? Boy, she must have her husband snowballed and whipped real good.

 

I don't blame him though. He is obviously in a fog. That or he chooses to try to maintain the status quo to keep his family in a comfortable life.

 

But if he wants to put up with someone that cheated on him and keeps making excuses why she can't keep from being around the other man, then that is his problem.

 

Some people have to learn the hard way.

[bish]

You haven't seen Darth Vader come roaring in, better hope he doesn't! I've seen some of his posts, they ain't pretty!

 

The cold hard truth usually isn't pretty. But then again, whats worse? The cold hard truth in a forum? Or what happened in real life that brought about that cold hard truth?

[anne1707]

Venemous? Boy, she must have her husband snowballed and whipped real good.

 

I don't blame him though. He is obviously in a fog. That or he chooses to try to maintain the status quo to keep his family in a comfortable life.

 

But if he wants to put up with someone that cheated on him and keeps making excuses why she can't keep from being around the other man, then that is his problem.

 

Some people have to learn the hard way.

 

 

Not sure if I have got your drift here. My H has described me as venomous (which is fair when looking at some of my posts) not anybody else (he has a whole range of other words to describe the OM).

 

Is he in the fog? Possibly - how could he not be at the moment. But whilst he is not sure whether he wants us to work, he is prepared to see how things go.

 

I would never describe him as snowballed or whipped though. He has shown a side to his personality these last few days which he admits he has kept hidden from me. It is a cold, ruthless side and not to be on the receiving end of. All I have asked him on this is that if he chooses to take any action, eg some kind of revenge on the OM, then he needs to be sure that he can take the consequences of that in terms of his own self-respect afterwards. I don't want to see him lower himself to my standards - he is a better man than that.

[lkjh]

Anne, I dont know if I buy your new outlook on the situation. You have been posting for months on here and your post have all been the same. You have always been worried about the OM and yourself and not so much your H and now you seemed to have changed. Are you for real or are you only changing because you know your H could be reading these post?

[bish]

Not sure if I have got your drift here. My H has described me as venomous (which is fair when looking at some of my posts) not anybody else (he has a whole range of other words to describe the OM).

 

Ok, I thought he was talking about other posters. didn't see your reply to Sup.

 

Other than seeming like you refuse to do something about being around the OM(and I know you said you are trying to find another job, which is good), what did he consider "venemous" from you?

 

 

 

I would never describe him as snowballed or whipped though.

 

Well, I made that statement thinking he was here saying those that have posted in resistance to your ideas as venemous.

 

I see that he was talking about you so that statement no longer applies.

 

 

He has shown a side to his personality these last few days which he admits he has kept hidden from me. It is a cold, ruthless side and not to be on the receiving end of.

 

Thats what happens when people are betrayed. Its not that he probably has that side, but developed it with recent events in mind. Infidelity can turn the most laid back and non-angry people angry and cold as you described. That will wear off a little, but the resentment will stay in the back of his mind. he will just choose to bottle it up.

 

 

All I have asked him on this is that if he chooses to take any action, eg some kind of revenge on the OM, then he needs to be sure that he can take the consequences of that in terms of his own self-respect afterwards. I don't want to see him lower himself to my standards - he is a better man than that.

 

well, I won't say that I don't understand any need for someone to extract revenge on an OM/OW, but that revenge, I would think, would be first reserved for the person that directly betrayed them in the first place.

 

I hope he is a better man than that.

[Reggie]

What do you plan to do about the digs you took at him re performance? Anger alone cannot explain saying those things No normal person goes that route in a fight unless they really want to kill the marriage.

Have you considered that you said those things to ,subconciously, kill any prospects of reconciling? I'm sorry, but going that low is truly monstous, several standard deviations form a mentally healthy person's anger. He was already down and you kicked and stomped him further. Has anyone suggested you may have a personality disorder? There are some therapies now that look promising.