Why am i so mad about girls yet do nothing about it?

[Brady_to_Moss]

Tonight for some reason i got so mad that i am lonley because i know its all my fault and i am the only one that can change it...but why dont I? What am i afraid of becasue i have no clue why i wont change when i feel like **** all the time about being lonely and not having a girl to click with. I have a problem of something.

[Poncho]

I have the same problem. It's called lack of self esteem/confidence, or whatever you wanna call it. I had several chances this weekend to talk to some women at the bar, and only suceeded in talking to a couple. Those conversations were not very succesful, however. But, I tried, that is the important part. Go out there and do it and then it will get easier. Eventually, maybe you will click with one of them, and bam. I've been out of the dating game for almost 6 years, this is all new to me again. It's scary, but, get a few beers in ya (if your over 21, that is), and it goes alot easier.

[superd]

A friend that I trust once told me that a bar is not the best place to find a good woman, especially if your the intellecctual type.

[Brady_to_Moss]

It has to be confidence. I am not confident in anything i do with girls and that is probally they problem. Oh and i know after having a few beers its alot easier. I open up so much more but i want to try it without booze.

 

 

I just hate the way i feel...just feel empty.

[Poncho]

I just hate the way i feel...just feel empty.

 

 

That makes you the same as millions of others. I am the same. Only way to fix it is to man up and do the damn thing.

[Brady_to_Moss]

That makes you the same as millions of others. I am the same. Only way to fix it is to man up and do the damn thing.

 

 

Man up as in talk to a girl i like or man up as in go in for the kill with a kiss? or both

[Yamaha]

You are way to needy. If you did get a g/f you would latch on and she would run. You need to learn to control your emotions and how to handle rejection when a girl tells you no.

[Poncho]

Man up as in talk to a girl i like or man up as in go in for the kill with a kiss? or both

 

 

Just talk to some women, then, go from there. Whether it be a kiss or just asking for her number. I have been out like a little social butterfly lately, talking to a few women here there at the bar, the grocery store, gas station, walmart, where ever. Iwas trying to flirt witht he girl at the cologne department at one of the stores of the mall earlier. You and me are a lot alike. We just need to get over that lack of self confidence hump and not give a damn wether they are interested or not. Who cares? If they say no, is it the end of the world? No, not really. If you can get out talk to some women, it will help. It has helped me a ton in the last few weeks. I have always been afraid of rejection, it's human nature. Lately, I just haven't been giving a *****, and you know what? It works pretty well. I've gotten a couple numbers, talked to some nice ladies, and just been having a good time.

 

 

Now remember, I am 6 months out of a 6 year relationship/marriage. I forgot everything I knew about picking up women, which, wasn't much in the first place. I've always had this problem. I adapted, and just quit giving a damn what people thought about me, while still being myself. You have to have confidence in yourself, that is the number one thing. Whatever you have going for yourself in life, use it to your advantage. Use it to build yourself up. If the chick you are talking to doesn't seem interested, move on to another. There are plenty of single women out there. I still have problems with the lack of self confidence. Some nights I just can't talk to anyone, but, I am still making an attempt to try and make it better.

 

So, with this I say good luck in your journeys, have some fun, and, don't get bummed out. As long as you don't live in a small town where the lady/guy ration is like 1 to 2 (1 girl for every guy) you should be ok. Get out there and give em hell.

 

If you want to talk more, in private, feel free to shoot me an email [email protected].

 

- Poncho

[Poncho]

Also, this may help you some. I am not taking credit fot the following paragraphs. This is something I found on anther site and have been using some of it's advice. It has helped a bit in getting over the being shy part. So, without further ado, I bring you.........

 

 

 

I hear this a lot from people. They say they have a hard time starting conversations or that they are shy. Well, me too. I'm *very* shy, but ... you'd never guess it. What I've learned is how to compensate for my shyness. How to talk to people and give them the impression that I am not shy. People who don't know me well would never in a million years think that I'm shy. It's taken me a long time, but I've managed to learn how to fool the best of them.

 

How'd I do it? Well, I practice. I practice A LOT. I practice on ANYBODY! There are unwilling victims all over the place.

 

Here's how I do it. I make myself talk to people that I normally talk to, but about things that I normally wouldn't talk about. Such as ... the grocery store check out person! Hey cool, I'm standing there while she's scanning my stuff, I notice she has on blue nail polish or some funky thing, what do I do ... I say, "hey, I really like your nail polish!" Even if I really think it just looks funky. Heck, why not say it. It makes the check out person feel good. I get to practice talking to someone and the people in line behind me might giggle a bit.

 

So that's starting easy. I'm talking to someone who is probably busy they really won't notice if I made eye contact or not. (I can even be looking at the polish while I tell them how great it is ... ). Once I got a little used to that, I started moving on to speaking to people I normally wouldn't speak to. That's harder.

 

I started by just making eye contact with people and smiling. You'd be amazed. Most people are surpised when someone just looks at them and smiles. This might sound bad, but old people especially just eat that up. This can be fun. I'll walk around the grocery store make eye contact and smile at everyone I pass.

 

Once the eye contact part got easier I started making small comments to people. Stating the obvious is always fun. "Man, it's a hot one out there today!" I live in AZ ... heh, summer it's always hot. You'll get mixed responses to that kind of thing. Sometimes I'll get a look like "no **** Sherlock" but more often people will respond with something like "Yea, it's 109 last time I checked ... " Sometimes you'll run into someone who will start really blabbering at you "it's really hot and this one time, at band camp ... " Thing is, their response does not matter. What matters is you getting used to looking at someone, opening your mouth and saying something.

 

If you keep making yourself do this, it starts to become a habit. It gets easier and easier to do. After a while, it starts to flood over to where you never expected it to flood. You'll find yourself doing this in front of people you know ... which wasn't the project. You didn't plan that but oh my, there you go chatting with the check out girl about her really cool earings! Your shy friend is thinking "man, I wish I could talk to people like that ... " Next thing you know, people will start saying, oh my god, that you are not shy! No way, you're outgoing! And friendly! (If they only knew the truth ... ) It will even start to leak out into your presonal relationships. Once you get yourself started, it keeps building.

 

Here is the catch ... no matter who you talk to or what the circumstaces are STAY POSITIVE! You don't want to be that grumbling idiot who was in line behind me at the DMV. No, you want positive responses so you say postive things.

 

I still consider myself shy. It takes me a while to really warm up to people and let them see the "real me" but I do not come off as shy. Quite the contrary. Most people think I'm really outgoing. I've actually had people tell me they wish they could be more outgoing like me.

[arhelleny]

Love plays an important role in our daily life , we cant exist out of society , as the same we need care and love from others , It is a sad to live alone forever .

However , why chooose the bar to talk with a woman ? It is not a good place , I think . If you really feel it is difficult , maybe you can attend web marriage and find your lovers or you can make your friends help you and introduce some girls to you . drinking is bad for your health , you should take some action and dont wait only , I believe you will success , Good luck !

[Poncho]

Love plays an important role in our daily life , we cant exist out of society , as the same we need care and love from others , It is a sad to live alone forever .

However , why chooose the bar to talk with a woman ? It is not a good place , I think . If you really feel it is difficult , maybe you can attend web marriage and find your lovers or you can make your friends help you and introduce some girls to you . drinking is bad for your health , you should take some action and dont wait only , I believe you will success , Good luck !

 

 

I'm not saying bars are the best option, but, it is a starting point to help boost confidence. As far as drinking not being good for your health, isn't a glass of wine a day good for you? If you would go have a beer or two, I don't hink that's gonna hurt ya too much. I'm not telling the guy to turn into an alcoholic, I'm just giving some advice. Bars are full of women. Women you can talk to to try and boost yourself up. Go approach a few at the bar and then transfer that over into daily life stuff like the grocery store, gym, or mall.

 

I know I had a problem with my confidence, even with online dating. I was to nervous to message anyone. Online dating is not the cure all that some people make it out to be. If your to scared to message people, what good is it doing you?

[Sw3etdev1L]

can I make a suggestion?

Sometimes lack of confidence is because people don't exercise. I don't know if you do. But exercising and eating healthy, grooming yourself and talking at yourself good in the mirror might be an excellent thing for you. To start loving yourself. Then, start being interested in new things!, reading, sports...whatever. Have something to talk about, something interesting and nice. Then. You'll be portrayed differently to people and people will start seeing something different in you. A little spark!!.. maybe girls will pay more attention to you and stuff. Build your self esteem. Don't try beers to get a womans attention. You have to be confident inside out. Not just under the stimulant effects of the alcohol, that's called being a woose. I don't know how to spell it, I am not from the states sorry.

But, still....Feel good with yourself, then search for a girl. If you feel empty, women sense that. You have to work on yourself a little, in the good way. first. takes time.

[D-Lish]

A friend that I trust once told me that a bar is not the best place to find a good woman, especially if your the intellecctual type.

 

On the contrary... of course it depends on the kind of bar you go to... but where do you think numerous like minded singles gather on the weekend? usually at a pub or a club....

 

By like minded, I mean single and available. I've met lots of cool normal guys at pubs....and I am pretty normal and that is where I would be on a weekend.

[vesper16]

Also, this may help you some. I am not taking credit fot the following paragraphs. This is something I found on anther site and have been using some of it's advice. It has helped a bit in getting over the being shy part. So, without further ado, I bring you.........

 

Poncho, that was fantastic! Thanks for sharing that with us!!