pandagirl Posted September 25, 2008 Share Posted September 25, 2008 OK, so I know this guy who I am not dating, but slightly interested in and think he might be interested in me, too. However, he's said to me at least 5 times: "I can be a dick to girls." WTF? For one, that is just...a really unattractive thing to say about yourself. Here's what I can gather from that statement: 1) It's a warning 2) He's saying it to warrant a response of "You're not a dick!" The sympathy thing. 3) He's deeply damaged and says it as a way to keep his emotional guard up. Any other hypotheses? Link to post Share on other sites
Jilly Bean Posted September 25, 2008 Share Posted September 25, 2008 The only real and true answer is #1, PG. If a guy tells you he is a dick to women, believe him. He is warning you so you cant complain later when he mistreats you. Exit. Now. Link to post Share on other sites
carhill Posted September 25, 2008 Share Posted September 25, 2008 IYE, do his actions match his words? Link to post Share on other sites
Author pandagirl Posted September 25, 2008 Author Share Posted September 25, 2008 But, at the same time, he says he wants to be in a relationship and treats me all nice. It's just mixed signals. Link to post Share on other sites
Author pandagirl Posted September 25, 2008 Author Share Posted September 25, 2008 He says it in reference to ex-girlfriends, girls he dated. Like, "Well, I can be a dick to girls..." Link to post Share on other sites
Jilly Bean Posted September 25, 2008 Share Posted September 25, 2008 But, at the same time, he says he wants to be in a relationship and treats me all nice. It's just mixed signals. Dont be fooled. Hes telling you the truth, PG. Dont make the mistake of ignoring his words. It was a warning. Link to post Share on other sites
Nemo Posted September 25, 2008 Share Posted September 25, 2008 It means that most girls see him as a sex object, but you are the first one to look deeper. He likely has a massive tool, and it's both a gift and a curse. Link to post Share on other sites
Trialbyfire Posted September 25, 2008 Share Posted September 25, 2008 Was he saying that comment as a way to accept responsibility for why these girls weren't dating him anymore or how did he say it? Link to post Share on other sites
Author pandagirl Posted September 25, 2008 Author Share Posted September 25, 2008 It was referring to his girlfriend before and how he ended things with her, basically by giving her the "fade out." When I responded: "That's kinda of jerkish," he said: "well, I can be a dick to girls." He's great with his friends, nice to me, has had serious relationships before, so I know he's capable of it...but, I feel like anyone who says "I'm a dick" has some serious issues! Link to post Share on other sites
Trialbyfire Posted September 25, 2008 Share Posted September 25, 2008 Based on your last post, he's not accepting responsibility for it, he's just shrugging it off. It's a warning pandagirl. When he loses interest, expect dickish behaviour. Link to post Share on other sites
Nemo Posted September 25, 2008 Share Posted September 25, 2008 If only girls would see him as more than just a dick. Poor guy. Link to post Share on other sites
Author pandagirl Posted September 25, 2008 Author Share Posted September 25, 2008 OK, I am going to proceed with caution. God, do guys like him ever grow up? I seriously feel like karma has to catch up with them at some point. I'm tired of selfish people. Link to post Share on other sites
IrishCarBomb Posted September 25, 2008 Share Posted September 25, 2008 Many young girls tend to validate the "dick" behavior. The common pattern though is that the guys who use this to gain a power play over girls always attract the same type of insecure woman. Some girls just love the drama, some think of it as a "bad boy" type thing, some overlook it and think they can "fix" these guys, some just think of it as an "alpha" characteristic. Whatever the reason, guys do this stuff because when they're young, it tends to work. However, the guys I knew that succeeded with this strategy when they were younger all tended to develop very negative views on dating and women as they grew up. They never really met girls any other way than being a jerk. As a result, they drive off nice girls now, and only still meet the same sort of women they always dated before. They're stuck on a downward spiral. In your case, take his "dick" comments as a red flag. If you see other redeeming qualities, go for it, but proceed with caution. Link to post Share on other sites
norajane Posted September 25, 2008 Share Posted September 25, 2008 It was referring to his girlfriend before and how he ended things with her, basically by giving her the "fade out." When I responded: "That's kinda of jerkish," he said: "well, I can be a dick to girls." He's great with his friends, nice to me, has had serious relationships before, so I know he's capable of it...but, I feel like anyone who says "I'm a dick" has some serious issues! Just imagine yourself in his ex-girlfriend's place, because that's exactly where you will find yourself soon enough if you get involved. Imagine him doing the fade out, or something else, to you. Yes, he has warned you. He's a dick to his girlfriends. Not his friends, necessarily. But to his girlfriend's, yes. Link to post Share on other sites
Author pandagirl Posted September 25, 2008 Author Share Posted September 25, 2008 Then why does he say he wants a serious relationship all the time? He seems like he's just out for himself, and once he loses interest, got what he wanted, then he becomes a dick. Link to post Share on other sites
carhill Posted September 25, 2008 Share Posted September 25, 2008 PG, you seem to find mutual interest with a wide variety of gentlemen. Perhaps it's OK to pass this one up? Not because you have doubts, but, maybe, just because. Think of him as the one who got away and it was OK Link to post Share on other sites
Author pandagirl Posted September 25, 2008 Author Share Posted September 25, 2008 What can I say? I'm attracted to strong personalities! And with that usually comes t-r-o-u-b-l-e. I'll let this guy walk. But man, why does someone so charming, intelligent and handsome have to come in packages like this? Link to post Share on other sites
LoveDeluxe78 Posted September 25, 2008 Share Posted September 25, 2008 Then why does he say he wants a serious relationship all the time? He seems like he's just out for himself, and once he loses interest, got what he wanted, then he becomes a dick. In some ways, that's worse. He's a dick who pretends to be nice at first, or is actually confused and THINKS he wants something, but when it fizzles out, he becomes a dick! Classy!!! The way a guy ends things shows his character as much as how he starts them! Just my 2 cents!!! Link to post Share on other sites
Trialbyfire Posted September 25, 2008 Share Posted September 25, 2008 Because he's lacking real substance and character. Link to post Share on other sites
Nemo Posted September 25, 2008 Share Posted September 25, 2008 First this. slightly interested in Then this. charming, intelligent and handsome You are real picky. Link to post Share on other sites
carhill Posted September 25, 2008 Share Posted September 25, 2008 I'll let this guy walk. But man, why does someone so charming, intelligent and handsome have to come in packages like this? PG, because they can. It's really as simple as that. The female version exists, too. Trust me on that You really need to hear this, no how sexy the lips are that utter it. No gentleman worth a LTR would ever say to a woman "I'm a d!ck to girls". Trust me, it won't happen. So, like it won't happen, he won't happen. Clean slate Link to post Share on other sites
Trialbyfire Posted September 25, 2008 Share Posted September 25, 2008 Here's something apt for this guy: http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=ipZDG6__Zfc Link to post Share on other sites
garnet Posted September 25, 2008 Share Posted September 25, 2008 I had someone say this to me once. Then I let myself give into his charm and the fact that he seemed SO into me, I'd thought I'd be the one to "change" him. Joke was on me! Link to post Share on other sites
bayouboi Posted September 25, 2008 Share Posted September 25, 2008 Then why does he say he wants a serious relationship all the time? Because that cheese works on dumb women. One of my friends is always using lines like that or "I've got alot to offer a girl if she wanted to settle down with me" things like that and all he ever does is bang 'em for a bit, then move on to the next one. Link to post Share on other sites
serial muse Posted September 25, 2008 Share Posted September 25, 2008 Here's something apt for this guy: http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=ipZDG6__Zfc :lmao: That was exactly what I needed, this grey morning at work. Thank you. PG, I totally agree with what Jilly, TBF and others are saying - take it as a warning. When someone tells you who they are, it's better to believe them. I suspect he likes the idea of intriguing women with the "I'm a jerk" line - with the tantalizing unspoken prospect that he might not be a jerk with "the right woman." But it's nonsense - changing that kind of behavior requires a somewhat gradual internal awakening, not a magical external thunderclap brought on by "the right woman." I'm sure he does want a relationship - lots of commitment phobic people do, in an idealized sense. It's the reality of the responsibilities involved that drives them away, ultimately. Sounds like he's not ready to deal with that reality yet; if he were, he'd stop mechanically spouting things like "yeah, I can be a jerk" and would actually do something about it. Link to post Share on other sites
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