ckwice16 Posted September 25, 2008 Share Posted September 25, 2008 I have been in a relationship with my girlfriend for only 3 months, yet we are both deeply in love with each other. However, the other day she dropped a bomb on me, she told me she still had feelings for her ex, in fact she used the words "in love" when describing her feelings towards him. I am at school 8 hours away from her (train) and I have never felt so alone and insignificant in my life. This summer was the best of my life, I fell for this girl so hard and she fell for me the same. She had told me that her ex would always remain in her heart because he was her first love, but he hurt her and she was moving on and consequently fell in love with me. I dont understand, can somebody possibly be in love with 2 people at the same time? What should i do? I couldn't imagine my life without her, but knowing that I don't have all of her heart and devotion, like she has mine, is killing me. I have lost sleep, haven't been eating, and I have been crying every night. The distance itself is hard, we see each other every 1-2 weeks and those few nights and days we spend together are magical. And here is the worst part, or at least to me. The other day I was talking to her and she told me that she wanted him (the ex) to love her again. This made me furious and i feel like I'm losing control. What does she expect from me? She wont tell me. I can't force her to be over him, although I had the impression that she was over him. She said she thought she was over him as well, but since he goes to school near her, these feelings have come rushing back to her. I suspect that the fact that he is closer to her has something to do with it. But at the same time every time she speaks to him she comes out crying, he doesn't want to get back with her and here I am dangling by a thread waiting to be cut down. How could she still love somebody who only wants to hurt her? I dont know who she would rather be with and it kills me, I feel like I deserve her, i would never hurt her. I dont want my feelings to be taken for granted, please anybody, any advice is appreciated. I dont know what to do. I feel like i should let her go, but the thought of that is killing me. Link to post Share on other sites
PracticalShade Posted September 25, 2008 Share Posted September 25, 2008 I've been in similar situations and from what I've learned, it's one thing to still have some lingering feelings for someone but love, if it's love, shouldn't be split between two people. Ya gotta appreciate her honesty about the whole situation, but at the same time it's like... for lack of a better analogy, you WERE the team's new quarterback but now that the old quarterback has come back into the picture you're liable to be benched. if you've the common ideal about relationships then when you're not the only one then you're no longer THE one. granted, she might just be messed up right now and have a total epiphony later but if you sit by and wait, you're torturing and possibly about to be wounded or killed. (emotionally) My advise would be to respectfully remove yourself from that situation. Don't count her out, but don't constantly be trying to look over your shoulder for her as you try to move on. Link to post Share on other sites
Lucky_One Posted September 25, 2008 Share Posted September 25, 2008 How long had it been between their break-up and your meeting her? You could have been a rebound if it was just a few weeks or months. "But at the same time every time she speaks to him she comes out crying, he doesn't want to get back with her." This sounds like she is asking him to get back together, in which case there is no doubt over which guy she wants to be with. Sorry, ckwice, that I can't read anything more hopeful in your post. Link to post Share on other sites
Geishawhelk Posted September 25, 2008 Share Posted September 25, 2008 I'm really sorry to break this to you, but her heart's not in this. You are very definitley re-bound-fodder, and she's not in to you anywhere near as much as you are to her. The big teller is that she's expecting you to be all sympathetic and understanding, which unfortunately means she's a lot more wrapped up in herself than she is in you. In fact, the fact that you're hurting and in pain about this, doesn't matter as much to her as her own pain does, which is very blinkered and selfish of her.... I'd drop it like a hot brick, I'm afraid, and walk away. Give yourself time to heal, but on no account let her walk all over you, give you hope, or sweet-talk you into carrying on. There's no way, and it would be false. Link to post Share on other sites
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