How do I act around this guy?? [Unrequited love...]

[Mystique01]

*sigh* Can I just start off by saying that unrequited love sucks??!!

 

Anyway, to make a looooong story semi-short....

About 2 years ago I met and fell for a guy friend of mine. And for 2 years I feel like he's been just stringing me along. I admit, in the beginning I pursued him when I started liking him. Initiating calls, text messages, invites, etc. I didn't think it was a big deal since we were "friends", but it turns out that this was a big mistake. Funny thing is, I didn't even like him "like that" when I first met him! But then he started showing more interest in me, flirting, complimenting me, making excuses to be with me, etc.

 

Anyway, time goes by and I notice that he starts acting "funny" around me. Can't look at me in the eye, acts kind of shy/reserved around me, can't speak around me much, and basically seemed more comfortable talking and flirting with all kinds of girls except me.

 

Fast forward to this year...It finally dawned on me that not only was he NOT interested in me "like that", but that he was actually interested in ANOTHER girl who's a mutual acquaintance of ours that he's very very close to. They're basically dating now. As if that alone didn't add salt to the wounds, I finally realized that he KNEW that I liked him! He KNEW all along! I can't prove this 100%, but I'm about 99.999999999% sure that he knows how I feel.

 

I also started noticing that his actions would be very hot and cold with me! One minute he's warm and flirty w/me, inviting me places, real attentive, and the next minute he seems actually annoyed by me for no good reason! At one point I just decided to give up and ignore him...act like I didn't see him. Not to be mean, but so that I could protect my heart and my feelings. Well, anytime I do that he gets upset/mad with me! On top of that, he will get jealous if another guy is giving me attention, or is interested in me. He'll either start acting slightly possessive of me, or will get all quiet and down. Talk about mixed signals!! In addition, I notice that he usually invites me places when his "gf" isn't around. I never used to put two and two together, but now I'm noticing a pattern.

 

So, if you're still reading this....my question is....how do I act around this guy?? It seems like if I act like I couldn't care less about him, he'll get mad/hurt/upset. But if I just act "normally" around him and remain my nice friendly outgoing self, he'll get scared/shy. I'm like: "make up your freaking mind dude!"

 

I've LONG-since stopped pursuing him, and the only time I hear from him is if he calls/texts me or invites me somewhere. Sometimes we get along just fine, but other times it's like we get mad at each other...but for stupid reasons! It's almost like he's mad that I like him or something. It's so strange. Yet on the other hand...I can sense that he's attracted to me...at least physically. Call it "wishful thinking" or whatever, but a girl KNOWS. You can SENSE it.

 

Anyway, I can't really avoid him completely because we're in an environment where we have to see each other every week. So I have to know how to act when I do run into him.

 

I just want things to be normal between us again. I thought we could be friends, but I now see that he can't even really be "friends" with me. I don't know why (since I've never done anything to him), but I've given up on trying to be friends w/him.

 

Any advice as to how I should behave around him, or why he's acting the way he's acting?? If he doesn't like me "like that", then why doesn't he just tell me that he's interested in someone else, and leave me alone? Why can't he just be friends and forget the past/the fact that I liked him? If he would act normal, I could act normal and just put the past behind me.

[Geishawhelk]

You know how you act with people you know, but aren't attracted to?

Act that way with him.

If he invites you out, ask him who else is going. If he says, just us, say thanks but no thanks. If he's keen on another girl, then it strikes me he's stringing you along for the flattery, but I dunno.....

You need to set up a barrier between the two of you and make him understand that if he's keen on someone else, then that's where his attention should lie.

Play it cool and hard - if not impossible! - to get.

Buff him off.

Keep him at arm's length.

[Mystique01]

You know how you act with people you know, but aren't attracted to?

Act that way with him.

If he invites you out, ask him who else is going. If he says, just us, say thanks but no thanks. If he's keen on another girl, then it strikes me he's stringing you along for the flattery, but I dunno.....

You need to set up a barrier between the two of you and make him understand that if he's keen on someone else, then that's where his attention should lie.

Play it cool and hard - if not impossible! - to get.

Buff him off.

Keep him at arm's length.

 

I think this is great advice. Thanks Geisha.

 

I've tried this already...but like I said, he gets mad at me! Are you saying that I should ignore the fact that he's upset/mad that I'm not giving him the time of day?

 

Unfortunately I can't really avoid him completely because we have to see each other every week, and plus his mom and my mom are like really good friends. I don't know how I can act without coming across like I was "oh so hurt" that he basically rejected me for some other girl, but at the same time be "normal" and not be some psycho-angry girl. Then again, at the same time I don't want to act like I'm happy and chipper like some crazed maniac because I know he'll think that I'm acting fake/that something is up.

 

*sigh* It's just hard. It's a shame we can't even be friends, because we really do have a lot in common.

 

I wish some of the guys would also answer on this thread. It might give me more insight.

 

Guys, how would YOU prefer a girl that likes you to act if you have no interest in her?