Ashbash11 Posted September 25, 2008 Share Posted September 25, 2008 My boyfriend is moving in less than a week... Here come more burning questions: How do you deal with your family and friends who disapprove of your decision to enter into a LDR? I have been dealing with this A LOT lately... "Oh, why are you going to even bother? Those never work out." "My friend knows some guys she can hook you up with." "Why would you waste your time in a LDR when there are so many great guys close by?" and.. the most famous one: "Long distance relationships are SO hard.. and there's always temptation." How about eventually re-locating to be with your SO? Have any of you ever done this? How did it work out?? For me, this is a really difficult issue, because my BF will be living on the west coast (California) and I am an East coast girl... I've never lived out there. Frankly, I'm terrified. I don't have any friends or family out there, either...... What does one do?? Link to post Share on other sites
konfuzd Posted September 25, 2008 Share Posted September 25, 2008 I've been in my current LDR for 14 months, and my bf is moving to my city in a few weeks. It has been hard at times, but it definately can work. When people get negative with me, I just brush it off, and say "time will tell" or "we're giving it a go, if it doesn't work out, we'll deal with it then, but for now we're happy with the arrangement... How about that local sports team?" and just change the subject. If you don't see yourself going west for him, and you don't think he'll be moving home anytime soon, that could be a problem. Once he establishes a network of friends, and you visit him a few times, you might get to like it out there. The only thing I can suggest is take it day by day, don't worry about what other people think, you need to do what's right for you and figure it out as you go. Good luck. Link to post Share on other sites
strongertoday Posted September 25, 2008 Share Posted September 25, 2008 Ashbash...lots of LDR work....as long as you communicate well...have trust...it can be amazing. As for moving, my guy is in the process of moving 12,000+ miles for me. Mnay others are moving to countries that dont speak english. Give it some time and I think you will find you would move just about anywhere for the person you love.... Good luck Link to post Share on other sites
islandboy786 Posted September 27, 2008 Share Posted September 27, 2008 Dont do ld relationships biggest waste of your time ever !!!!!!!!! Link to post Share on other sites
Author Ashbash11 Posted September 28, 2008 Author Share Posted September 28, 2008 wow, Islandboy. Thank you for making me feel just that much worse. You sound like my friends and family. Link to post Share on other sites
Krajt Posted September 28, 2008 Share Posted September 28, 2008 wow, Islandboy. Thank you for making me feel just that much worse. You sound like my friends and family. He posted that after his LDR girlfriend broke up with him. They're back together now, so his point is moot. Link to post Share on other sites
Eilonwy Posted September 28, 2008 Share Posted September 28, 2008 I'm not sure how scientific this really is, but I found this on another site and perhaps it will cheer you up: First and foremost, remember that despite anything people tell you to the contrary, studies have shown that LDRs have as much chance of making it as any other relationship. Interestingly, research has shown that women tend to find fault within the relationship, seeing the breakup as resulting from interpersonal problems (“We’re just not right for each other”), while men are more likely to try to place the blame on something outside of the relationship, such as too much time apart. While the studies have shown that LDRs stay together just as frequently (or infrequently) as other relationships, we often try to blame the distance when they do fail. Admittedly, it is easier to say, “Everything would have been fine had we lived closer,” than to say that things didn’t work out because of some issue with the relationship or ourselves. In fact, this tendency to blame the distance usually ends up in a more amicable breakup. However, this also means that many people firmly believe that LDRs don’t work. Fortunately, the research shows that this isn’t true. While this is good news, it’s only part of the story. Staying together isn’t always the best thing for a relationship, as we all know. Many relationships should end if those involved are unsatisfied or feel trapped. So another way of looking at whether LDRs, or any relationship, “work” is to examine the quality of the relationship. Conveniently, researchers have done just that. In our study we compared those in LDRs with those in geographically close relationships. We looked at relationship satisfaction, commitment, intimacy, and trust. We found that on all these measures the two groups were identical.While our study was the largest and most detailed, several other studies have found the same thing. Link to post Share on other sites
superd Posted September 28, 2008 Share Posted September 28, 2008 I agree that LDR's are a waste of time, BUT if you do decide to do it let the guy move to you, not the other way around. Also, with all these modes of communication, I think LDR's are becoming more common. If you can deal with "out of body" communication , than I guess you can deal with it. I know I won't because it didn't work for me several times. Good luck. Link to post Share on other sites
crimsonrose Posted September 29, 2008 Share Posted September 29, 2008 My boyfriend is moving in less than a week... Here come more burning questions: How do you deal with your family and friends who disapprove of your decision to enter into a LDR? I have been dealing with this A LOT lately... "Oh, why are you going to even bother? Those never work out." "My friend knows some guys she can hook you up with." "Why would you waste your time in a LDR when there are so many great guys close by?" and.. the most famous one: "Long distance relationships are SO hard.. and there's always temptation." How about eventually re-locating to be with your SO? Have any of you ever done this? How did it work out?? For me, this is a really difficult issue, because my BF will be living on the west coast (California) and I am an East coast girl... I've never lived out there. Frankly, I'm terrified. I don't have any friends or family out there, either...... What does one do?? o pfft, I know that's gotta be tough, but just ignore them. LOTS of LDR's work out. I mean, it takes ALOT of commitment to enter one in the first place. And when they do workout, once the participants are together irl, they really neevr breakup. It forms such a strong bond between you and your lover. Don't worry about the negativity. You have more of a chance of making it through an LDr than your friends have of staying with their boyfriends who are right there with them. You can do it As far as moving goes, I'm moving from America to Australia in July of next year. I'm terrified. I'm not only leaving my family, but I have to adjust to an entire new culture. But, I'm so in love with my fiance, I know I'll be fine. As long as I have him. People were made to leave their family and be with their lovers. Its not always over a long distance, but either way youd eventually have to move out of your familys home. Youll be fine Link to post Share on other sites
j_hunt_12 Posted September 29, 2008 Share Posted September 29, 2008 Yeah LDRs DO work very often, but of course everyone blames it on the distance when they don't work out, so it seems like they never work out. It is true that there are some major downsides to LDRs so you have to be careful, and you have to be smart to stay on top of things. As for your family, just tell them that you want to see if the relationship will work, and a lot of relationships don't work out anyways, so why is LD any different. As for moving, you should both be looking for good jobs across the country and then you should try to move together when you figure out how you can make it happen.... somehow. Whoever makes less money should probably do the moving as well by the way. Good luck. Link to post Share on other sites
islandboy786 Posted October 1, 2008 Share Posted October 1, 2008 wow, Islandboy. Thank you for making me feel just that much worse. You sound like my friends and family. im sorry about what i said i was going thru some hard stuff with my girlfriend, my thread is around here somewhere. but try and make it work out if you end up staying together i think the relationship will be stronger in the long run, but then again i could be wrong. if you want to read my situation the thread is in breaks and breaking up somewhere, be feel to let me know what you think Link to post Share on other sites
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