Facebook

[overanalytical]

my hub and i are on it...listed as married and have a link between us as well. one of hub's ex-hook-up friends has contacted him and they are friends. fine. it's the past, i can be an adult about it. the line i feel like is crossed when i see that she has msg'd him in private and is chatting. i did see the chats and one he mentioned 'we should catch up some time maybe over a quick lunch, no harm there' fine. no harm there. will he tell me? i would hope so. he does not know i saw this. he left it up whiel he was at work and i went home for lunch and saw it. she had wrote him back with' sure, we should meet up for lunch or something. i'm busy with work but here's my number...talk to you soon'

 

okay. i deleted the msg with her number. he has no reason to have her number. hubby doesn't know thiis. he doesn't know i saw it or that seh even wrote him back. i feel awful but she does not need to be contacting my husband like this. am i being overly protective and jealous?? it makes so many thoughtsgo through my head. was he being nice and saying that, not expecting to continue the 'chat' or was he really wanting to meet her. was he going to tell me? would he really go? puts so many thoughts in my mind. i didn't eat lunch im sick to my stomach. i haven't called him or texted him through the day like i usually do...i don't even watn to see him. why am i being so extreme??

 

for those of you who say 'you should tell him....tha'ts a N-O. i'm not telling him i saw it, and deleted it.'

[quankanne]

can you tell him you saw his offer to catch up with her, and that it bothers you, knowing they were bang buddies?

[overanalytical]

i think i'm going to watch it for a while nad see if maybe it was a 'got caught up in teh moment kind of thing and never would have actually met up. at least without okaying it with me. i trust him. i don't trust girls like her though.

 

i put myself in her shoes...i would NOT go out with a old hs friend who was married and i used to mess around with. never.

[manugeorge]

You never know, he could have just been talking to her to be nice. Just like anyone would say, "we should catch up sometime" and you would reply, "oh yeah sure". But no one ever follows up.

 

I don't think you should have deleted the number, you should have waited to see what he would do first.

[Frankasy]

You might be right or you might be overreacting. In both case, tell your husband to delete his FaceBook account and you do it as well. Risking a marriage due to a social network website is just stupid. Delete both accounts and the ex hook up will be gone.

[sxyNYCcpl]

In my opinion, it's perfectly reasonable for a man and a woman to have a casual conversation or meal, even when they're married to others so if it's the very idea that is freaking you out, I'd say yes, you're overreacting.

 

Is he going to tell you? I have no idea. If he's a trustworthy person, I'd say yes, if he's not, I'd say no. Only you know the answer to that. I'm a big believer in "No secrets", and to me the fact that you plan to withhold information from him is indicative of a problem all by itself.

 

he has no reason to have her number.

If the mere possession of a phone number is enough for you to have the reaction you have had here, I'd suggest that you are likely overreacting. Unless, of course, he has previously proven that something like this would be problematic, in which case your problem goes deeper than just a simple phone number.

[malibustacydoll]

I don't blame you. Once you see something the it is very hard to ignore. I saw that my boyfriend's ex had been messaging him again on facebook because he had it open when I walked by. She was creating drama with trying to be close friends with him again and telling him she missed him. I hate when girls only want boys when they find another girl and cant have him. I snooped for a while and eventually he stopped responding. I did talk to him about it though and he made it clear that she thought she was annoying. He said he wouldn't respond to her anymore and that made me happy. I still check up on his account every now and then because I have his password. I know it probably isn't right but it gives me peace of mind and the more time that goes by the less I check. I seriously suggest talking to your husband-- communication is key.

[whichwayisup]

You and your H should make a rule. NO Ex's from the past, it's just simplier that way.

[Mr. Lucky]

my hub and i are on it...listed as married and have a link between us as well. one of hub's ex-hook-up friends has contacted him and they are friends. fine. it's the past, i can be an adult about it. the line i feel like is crossed when i see that she has msg'd him in private and is chatting. i did see the chats and one he mentioned 'we should catch up some time maybe over a quick lunch, no harm there' fine. no harm there. will he tell me? i would hope so. he does not know i saw this. he left it up whiel he was at work and i went home for lunch and saw it. she had wrote him back with' sure, we should meet up for lunch or something. i'm busy with work but here's my number...talk to you soon'

I think if you remove the IT aspect of your question, it's pretty simple. It's fine for either party to have lunch with old friends - intimate history or not - as long as it's a transparent deal. He should tell you "I'm having lunch with Sally" just as he would tell you about any other social occasion. If he doesn't, you've got a problem...

 

Mr. Lucky