Has anyone written a letter to the OM/boyfriend

[dreamy1945]

after the breakup when you find out new things? Like how he has lied to you and others. I know I should just go NC but desperately need to speak my voice-i'm in fighting mode right now. Tired of the way I was used and he needs to know this. Anyone have an example letter?

[superd]

Alot of times, when we get very close, we don't have the perspective to see a person. In this case, I would fight off the urge to write a letter and let sleeping dogs lie. Then, move on with your life.

[lonelyandfrustrated]

Write the letter, just don't send it. If he's a liar, it's very likely that he wouldn't care what you said anyway. Don't give him the satisfaction of knowing that he still affects you. The best revenge is success. Go out and find some!

[dreamy1945]

But he knows this affects me...I was crying when we left. We had gone NC for 8 weeks and then ran into each other. Why doesn't he deserve to know how I feel instead of thinking I am pinning away for him?

[lonelyandfrustrated]

But he knows this affects me...I was crying when we left. We had gone NC for 8 weeks and then ran into each other. Why doesn't he deserve to know how I feel instead of thinking I am pinning away for him?

 

Why does he deserve ANYTHING?

 

The only reason to let him know that you know he's a liar is to make you feel like you had the last word. Your little, "Ah-ha! you're busted, buddy!" It's been my experience that liars just don't give a crap about who they hurt with their lies. And pointing out his lies to him just shows him that they hurt you; he hurt you. And that puts all the power on his side.

 

Don't give that to him.

[dreamy1945]

I didn't mean that he really deserved it...you are right I just want to vent at him. He does know that I won't call him....last time it was 8 weeks and I didn't call. But he also knows that "one day" when he decides to call that I will be there and take him back. It's not fair that he gets to believe this. Because this time I won't.

[lonelyandfrustrated]

I didn't mean that he really deserved it...you are right I just want to vent at him. He does know that I won't call him....last time it was 8 weeks and I didn't call. But he also knows that "one day" when he decides to call that I will be there and take him back. It's not fair that he gets to believe this. Because this time I won't.

 

No, he doesn't know crap! You want to know what's really fair, in a turn-play way? He has this belief, but he's WRONG!

 

I had an ex that i would have walked through fire for. He dumped me religiously every spring for six years, and every time I took him back. I finally had enough and left for (what I hoped for) good. He kept calling. I kept expecting to rekindle, even though I'd already married (and divorced) someone else, had a child, moved on in every sense except the heart. Then, finally, four years after our final break-up, I got the nerve to tell him to shove off. Never heard from him again. Don't be me. Don't take those calls. Move on NOW.

 

Good luck to you. Write the letter if it makes you feel better. But he doesn't deserve another word from you.

[Lizzie60]

Then the best revenge would be to ignore him.. if you bump into each other.. pretend you are soooo happy.. be smiling.. happy.. he will think you've moved on..

 

and really you need to move on.. he's not worth your energy.. you are giving him a lot of power by being miserable.. I'm sure that deep inside he is proud of himself... (that's good for his ego)..

[dreamy1945]

Thanks for understanding. There are things that I just found out he has said and I want him to know I know! But I know you are right in NC. This time its easier then the first because I won't go back and I want him to know it. The last time we went NC for 8 weeks I asked him if he knew how I felt and he said "I always knew you still loved me" and I said why couldn't I know that!

[Lizzie60]

Thanks for understanding. There are things that I just found out he has said and I want him to know I know! But I know you are right in NC. This time its easier then the first because I won't go back and I want him to know it. The last time we went NC for 8 weeks I asked him if he knew how I felt and he said "I always knew you still loved me" and I said why couldn't I know that!

 

 

You are constantly feeding his ego... he knows he's got you under his thumb.. he can do what he wants with you...

 

you say that this time you know you won't go back.. I'm not so sure..

 

I think you're too weak for this guy.. you need to stand up for yourself.. simple...

[dreamy1945]

That's why I want to stand up to him and tell him how I feel. Otherwise he will continue to feel the way he does.

[BoerumHill]

That's why I want to stand up to him and tell him how I feel. Otherwise he will continue to feel the way he does.

 

I know that feeling.

 

I found out a lot of stuff about my ex- after she broke up with me. It was shocking how casually she could lie to me...almost pathological. I tried NC, but then caved. She strung me along for a long time. We yo-yoed back and forth. Finally I broke free.

 

I never did tell her all the things I wanted to, but here's what I did do: I wrote her a letter. A long letter, like probably 8 pages. I saved it, reread it, did some editing. It meant so much to get all that out.

 

This might sound goofy to you right now, but here's the best part: I never sent her that letter. I didn't have to; her reaction (which I would have had no control over), or exacting revence, had nothing to do with it. It just felt so great to let go of the things I was holding onto.