Dumped for new wealthy friends

[Lucretia]

First time posting here, hope someone can help or at least tell me to snap out of it!

My b/f and I have been friends with another couple (we'll call them Jon and Kelly) for about 2 years now. I was friends with them first, and when the b/f entered the picture they accepted him graciously and we all became very close. We never opened a bottle of wine or whatever without toasting first and saying "Friends Forever!" Up until recently, I believed it was true.

 

A month ago, another guy entered the picture (Simon), who was a sort of 'fringe' friend of Jon's, not a close friend, but Jon totally worships this guy in that he's very popular anwhere he goes, always has a beautiful babe on his arm, etc. My b/f and I dont care for him much, he's a gigolo who doesnt believe in supporting himself, strolls around like an enlightened shaman, and has a huge ego that crowds most people out of the room. Jon thinks Simon has come back into his life for some "greater purpose" and feels the need to figure out whatever this great cosmic plan is. My b/f and I dont speak bad of him to Jon and Kelly, we just keep our opinions to ourselves because we know Jon will get defensive.

 

 

Recently, Simon has hooked up with an extremely wealthy woman who is the CEO of 2 large national corporations, has a beautiful summer estate nearby, is absolutely gorgeous and a genuinely nice person. I met her and liked her immediately. (more so than Simon) She knows Simon's a gigolo, and considers him her "project". Uh ok, whatever.

 

 

Over the weekend, I had to go out of town and Jon & Kelly made plans to hang out with my b/f while I was gone. At the very last minute, Jon called my b/f and changed plans (my b/f was ready to go) because Simon had called and invited Jon and Kelly to come over to estate for the evening for a party. Jon purposely left out my b/f and acted like he didnt care about his feelings. Not like him to do so.

 

I talked to Jon the next day, and he said he was going to apologize to my b/f for hurting his feelings but the call never came and its been 4 days. I've tried to call Kelly just to chat, like we always do, but suddenly she doesnt take my calls and I'm wondering whats up. Jon made a point telling me on the phone how much Priscilla (Simon's wealthy new woman) absolutely adores Kelly and thinks she's gorgeous, etc. Ok, thats cool, because Kelly is a wonderful woman, thats why she's my friend! But he said it sooo much I began wondering WHY he was telling me all this stuff. Then, by adding insult to injury, he said "it might take some time, but maybe we can get you *in*" I guess that means "in" with the cool new crowd Jon and Kelly are finding themselves in. They are totally taken with the money and Priscilla's grand style of living. I dont need to get "in", I just want my friends back!

 

My b/f and I feel like because we dont have Priscilla's money or Simon's line of BS, suddenly we are boring or not as good as them. We struggle financially, and all of our outings as a couple have been inexpensive, but meaningful. We dont have the fancy cars or nice clothes, but our hearts are gold, arent they? I find myself thinking I'm losing my best friends. I had really liked Priscilla when I met her (we spent a weekend together recently at a nearby resort, all of us) now I am dealing with feelings of jealousy and insecurity. I wrote Kelly and asked her if she was avoiding me (I know she is, dont know why) but of course she's not replying or calling. I give up.

 

I told Jon on the phone the nice thing to have done was to tell Simon and Priscilla they had already made plans with my b/f, and in doing so they might have extended the invitation to him as well. I dont think Jon wants to share them with us though. I asked him if Priscilla and Simon dont like us or whatever, although I never got that impression. He said "I dont know, you never came up in conversation". Ok, so now we arent important enough to speak of? All that talking, and they never once mentioned us, their best friends?

 

what should I do? keep calling or let them go? Is money that important? Are we just chopped liver?

 

sorry this was so long. it actually could have been longer. LOL

 

LUCRETIA

[HokeyReligions]

My b/f and I feel like because we dont have Priscilla's money or Simon's line of BS, suddenly we are boring or not as good as them

 

It's up to you how to feel. Don't let anyone tell you that you are not as good as someone else.

 

It hurts to lose friends, but at least now you know what kind of friends they were -- true friends don't come with a pricetag.

 

The novelty will wear off for them and at some time they may come crawling back to you, but they will be changed and you will be changed for having seen this side of them. In my opinion, they don't deserve to have you as friends. Let them go and find shallow, momentary happiness in money, while you go about finding a deeper joy.

[midori]

wow, this might as well be an episode of Beverly Hills 90210.

 

But seriously, while I can see how you feel snubbed and insulted, who needs those people? Good grief, I gave up trying to convince people that they want to be my friend back in high school. Or at least by my sophomore year in college. You and your bf are interesting, active folks who do interesting things, right? Your lives are still full and rich, even without Jon and Kelly.

 

I would like to point out that while you describe a picture of two couples who were "best of friends" and "very close," there were obviously some things that you didn't see eye-to-eye on. First and foremost is this guy "Simon." You didn't like or approve of him, and while you say that you kept your opinion to yourselves I'd be willing to bet that both Jon & Kelly and Simon himself were well aware of your feelings. Jon is Simon's friend; even if he acknowledged Simon's flaws when he was in your disapproving company, that doesn't mean that Jon doesn't genuinely like Simon. Rather weak of him to not stick up for his friend a bit, and mention the good things he sees in Simon along wtih the flaws.

 

It sounds like you imagined that you and your bf, and Jon and Kelly were two overlapping circles that were almost perfectly aligned; that there was little in either couple's life that they wouldn't share with the other. But you were wrong, your circles don't overlap as much as you'd assumed. Simon is one of the areas in their life that doesn't overlap with yours. From your description he sounds like a rather worthless individual, so it shouldn't matter to you that he doesn't factor into your life (nor you into his). On the other hand, if you're really wanting to hang with him and his new gf now, you might want to ask yourselves why you were being so judgmental of him before.

 

You said that you don't really care about Simon one way or another, you just want your best friends back. But your best friends care about Simon; they maintained a friendship with him. It's not Simon's fault, it's not Jon and Kelly's fault (although I agree with you that it's rude to cancel plans with someone because you got a "better" offer). It's not your fault, but it would be silly for you to feign a liking for Simon just so you can hang out with your friends who happen to be hanging out with him.

 

Find other ways to spend your time, and other people to spend it with. This has put a rift in your friendship with Jon and Kelly but it needn't be irreparable. You just need to recognize that in some ways they are not like you, they value different things and different people than what you and your bf believe to be important. That's OK. You have to respect that. And respect your own judgment too: you don't like Simon. You don't think he's such a great guy. That's your call to make.

 

If you and your bf start to cultivate new interests and activities, based on what you both find appealing, then you won't miss Jon and Kelly so much. And when they phone you up to see if the two of you want to get together on Friday night, maybe you'll be free ... or maybe you won't.

[Lucretia]

Yes, it's all sophmoric....which frustrates me because I didnt expect it to be this way. We're all adults, and I'm confused at our friends' behavior.

 

If it werent for Priscilla, I doubt Jon and Kelly would be socializing with Simon. According to Jon, he's "changed" since Priscilla came along. Before then, Simon had made disrespectful remarks to Kelly and I and then they had no 'use' for him. Suddenly, they see $ signs and Simon's walking on water.

 

I'm sure Simon is smart enough to know I didnt approve of how he treated people, especially women. I'm the opposite of the women he plays and I dont swoon over him as other women do. Nor does my b/f idolize him as many men seem to do. We treated him decently, because we are decent people, but we didnt join his fan club like so many have done before. We always figured he used the toilet and brushed his teeth like anyone else so he wasnt getting god-like status from this side.

 

My b/f and I have made a point of not talking bad about Simon to anyone. We really dont speak bad of anyone, anyways. We are respectful and have been. We supported their decisions when they were friends with Simon, and when they werent. But now they are flaking out on us and maybe they were always that way, who knows. We have endured each other's crisis' and shared each other's triumphs over the past 2 years, so the snubbing we are getting now is very painful.

 

Midori, yes our lives as couples have at times overlapped, and we were perhaps too close. I dont know...we werent swingers or anything, just friends who considered each other family. But you are right, time to broaden the horizons and find new friends. And we will do that.

 

The 90210 ref...LOL sadly enough, life can be just as or more interesting than any fiction.

 

If money is their real and true friend, so be it. My b/f and I will be fine in time. Thanks for the responses

 

LUCRETIA