Broke up with me and she doesn't seem to put in any effort in our relationship

[Jiggly 2K3]

My girl dumped me about 1 month ago, and we haven't seen each other much since. I do nice things for her to let her know I care for her and want to get back together, but it seems like if I wasn't emailing her or calling her, we wouldn't even be speaking because she doesn't seem to put in any effort in our relationship, even if it is just as friends. I, like you, think about her all the time, and want to get back together.

 

We dated for over a year and a half, and then she asked for a break. After the break, she dumped me. We havent spoken about US much because she said she has been too stressed/busy to think about it, granted she does work two jobs and have alot of commitments. Infact, we haven't seen each other for more than half an hour for over a month now.

 

Got any good advice on how to get her back, or how to work the situation? I think the world of her, I adore her in everyway.

 

Any other cats with advice, please post it.

[nicegirl03]

As hard as it is, you need to let go. Time heals all wounds. If it is meant to be it will happen on its own. She is confused about something, who knows? You can't control her only yourself. I have been dealing with a smiliar situation and am having difficulty letting go as well. I do know this one thing, when you move on and the other person doesn't hear from you, if they really want to contact you, they know how to do it. Waiting for them to come around only gives you false hope and prevents you from meeting the right one. Yes, it was probably great and yes you want her back but think back on the relationship. Write the pros and cons for taking her back. See which list is longer, pray about it, then let it go. I believe everything happens for a reason, a season or a lifetime. Either someone is brought into your life because you needed a lesson taught or you were having a hard time in that time of your life and she was in your path to see you through it. Remain positive as hard as it is. Do things for the right reasons and you will never be disappointed. Be happy with yourself. Find yourself without her. You would need to do it if she was gone from this life. If you love something, set it free, if it comes back to you, it's yours, if it doesn't it never was.

 

Think about it? Do you really want to be with someone that doesn't want to be with you? How miserable would you be? Then look at the flip side, what if the right girl came along that was everything you ever wanted and you were sitting there waiting for the Ex-girlfriend to come to her senses? What if the "new" girl gave you everything and more? You wouldn't be able to take advantage of it because you are stuck waiting to see if the old one comes back? People that show themselves too needy are a turn-off for most women. Women want that strong man to take care of them, not a wimp or a coward.

 

Just my two cents worth! Good Luck!!

[pateastcoast]

That reply is the best advice you can take. Its so tough to do it, Trust me I know. My girlfriend broke it off with my last week after 5 years. She says she is confused and needs time to think everything thru. I called her on Sunday and told her I don't want any contact with her unless she calls me asking where I am in my life and see where we can go from there. It was one of the hardest things I have ever done, especially since I had planned on proposing to her on her bday in a few months. But I know its the right thing and its only been a week and at times I want to pick up that phone and call her but I know it will only do more damage then good. Keep yourself around friends and family to find the strength to get thru it all. I know that is what helps me. And read these posts it helps to know that others are or have gone thru the same situation. That is why I am on here, haha!!!

[nicegirl03]

Yep, I know it is hard. It is more difficult for me to take the advice than it is to give it. I heard from my ex yesterday and it was difficult for me too. He emailed me from like 10 days ago and said, hope you are doing ok. I hate those messages. I mean, it is nice to know they care but where are they to help correct the problem? They don't want to work on it, they just want to keep asking you if you are OK. I asked him why he kept emailing me if he was so done with me. He responded, I will leave you alone, I am sorry. My opinion, if you aren't asking to gain something, like to work on the relationship to help repair the damages, then don't ask me how I am doing. Time is the factor, It heals the wounds and brings perspective to the relationship. I think when they tell us they need time to think about it, we should give it to them. Muster up everything that is within you to leave them completely alone. When they contact you, I would suggest ignoring them until they give you the answer that you are seeking. I would suggest not being intimate with them either since it only clouds the thinking process of doing the right thing. I look at it this way....if I give them a link to me by always being available to them, (calling them on the telephone, sending them an email message, etc.), then they take their time on getting resolution within, therefore, slowing the process to have it work in the long term. I don't know about you but I am sick and tired of letting him come back after 10 days, then leaving again for another 10 days. Life is stressful enough, who needs this? Not me.