grogster Posted May 21, 2009 Share Posted May 21, 2009 Have you read her posts? She is no way near recovering. It's as if this guy is the only thing keeping her living. Did you see how she is describing her life? No hobbies, works in a cubicle 9 hours a day, no socialising. This is seriously not a healthy way to live. Imagine going through a serious break up (serious in this case because of the effect it has on the individuals involved - I do not think a relationship based on emails can ever be considered serious but that is my opinion) without any friends to talk about it with? The best course of action is to seek professional help, join a club (some activity - soccer?), maybe start surfing (I find the ocean very therapeutic), ANYTHING so that there is something more in her life than this dude who emails her. Where is the physical gratification in emails? Is she happy never being held by someone she loves so much? I am sure he is out there with other women and considers her a bit of fun. I hate to be pessimistic but I am wondering if she is past the point of help. She seems dead keen on this guy no matter what and will probably spend the rest of her life writing him endless emails and begging for him back. Very astute observations, DJ. The Shack can sometimes be an unhealthy place for obsessives. And Shackers, often with the best of intentions, sometimes fuel, validate and enable the obsession du jour. As for obsessives, the Shack can sometimes be hazardous to their health. But that's for another Thread. Link to post Share on other sites
JeezLouise Posted May 21, 2009 Share Posted May 21, 2009 This is REALLY disturbing and sad. You have a son? And you really don't care if you lose your job? I hope your son is old enough to take care of himself and live on his own or that his dad has a home he can go to. You seriously need to talk to someone about this - this is truly unhealthy - for you AND your kid. Link to post Share on other sites
Author Ariadne Posted May 21, 2009 Author Share Posted May 21, 2009 but if your son is a minor and living with you, you need to get your head screwed on straight, forget about mantras and yogis and finger cymbals and soulmates, and do what you need to do to provide for him. This is REALLY disturbing and sad. You have a son? And you really don't care if you lose your job? Yes, yes. I'm trying to keep my job of course, but I just can't wrap my head around doing programming anymore. My head doesn't work that way. I work as an engineer in an aerospace company and I could care less about what they do over there. My son is 19 and doesn't know what he wants to do in life. Link to post Share on other sites
GorillaTheater Posted May 21, 2009 Share Posted May 21, 2009 Yes, yes. I'm trying to keep my job of course, but I just can't wrap my head around doing programming anymore. My head doesn't work that way. I work as an engineer in an aerospace company and I could care less about what they do over there. My son is 19 and doesn't know what he wants to do in life. Few 19 year olds do, particularly if they don't see that kind of behavior from those closest to them. But in any event, he's an adult and I take my advice back. Do what you want. I hear that Bhutan is opening up to foreigners, now. Go find yourself a Dzong. Link to post Share on other sites
DJMarky Posted May 21, 2009 Share Posted May 21, 2009 I just hope your son doesn't take up any of your attitudes towards life. I hate this soul mate term, I really do. You guys honestly believe there is such a thing as a soul mate? One person in the whole world? What happens if you go overseas and miss out on your soul mate? It's absolute bull****. There are degrees of compatibility, that combined with chemistry (spark), make up your desirability for a particular person. So you go through life, meet people, date, and just try and find someone who fits the criteria and you want to spend the rest of your life with, this however does not mean if you grew up in another country for reasons outside of your control that you would not meet someone else that was a suitable match. Get this out of your head about Denver Guy. ****, he is writing you emails, doesn't give a flying **** about your well-being, he won't even answer the phone in 4 years .. soul mate? ****, maybe he was the first guy who wasn't completely freaked out by you and was willing to limit conversion to email. You have got to get out of this mind frame, open your eyes, look around and see what else there is in life. For someone who claims they are so spiritual you really don't give that impression. You think the dally lama would behave the same way? Link to post Share on other sites
Author Ariadne Posted May 21, 2009 Author Share Posted May 21, 2009 Get this out of your head about Denver Guy. ****, he is writing you emails, doesn't give a flying **** about your well-being, he won't even answer the phone in 4 years .. soul mate? Thanks so much for posting Mark. I've just been hit pretty badly with this last email. I was happy to be writing to him, and what he said seemed so final (and sudden). I'm doing the best I can here, believe me, it's not so easy. Link to post Share on other sites
DJMarky Posted May 21, 2009 Share Posted May 21, 2009 Thanks so much for posting Mark. I've just been hit pretty badly with this last email. I was happy to be writing to him, and what he said seemed so final (and sudden). I'm doing the best I can here, believe me, it's not so easy. No problem, I don't mean to sound so brash, I just can't relate to this situation. When people look back on their past relationships, they remember times when both partners were together physically. They remember specific mannerism they used to love, their smell, feel, the sex etc. With your situation it is just emails. I don't know how something built on that communication medium can turn into this huge obsessiveness. I can tell you that this guy is not obsessing over you, he is just playing with you. He probably goes out drinking, doesn't even think about you, and tries his best to pick up. Calling him soul mate is ludicrous. It really is. If there was such a thing as a soul mate, the chance of meeting them is about 1 in 10000 billion, more than the population of earth because it is not even possible to meet everyone on earth. Even if my soul mate lived in the city I am living in at the moment, what is the chance of us running in to each other? I get to a pub 5 minutes after she left, oh damn, there goes my chance. Even if she is there, am I going to be drawn to her? It is a ridiculous concept. Also, when was a soul mate someone you couldn't even talk to on the phone? Even talking on the phone is not enough to have a rewarding relationship. Are you happy living the rest of your life through emails, then hey that is your prerogative, but I am sure you want more than that. For the sake of your sanity, stop communication with him, it is not leading anywhere. Where has it got you? You have someone you have built up in your imagination, some dream guy, which is leading nowhere. 4 years and not even hearing his voice? How can you be content with that? There are guys out there that will appreciate you for your quirks, find someone in person. You want to be an elderly lady discussing your love life with others, they are discussing their anniversaries, and you are talking about how he told you a joke in an email. Come on, raise your standards. Stop being content with such a ****ty relationship. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
Author Ariadne Posted May 21, 2009 Author Share Posted May 21, 2009 Mark, Thanks again for the time and the post. I love you for that. I'll read it again when I get back, it's ten am and I'm still home and I have to go to work. But we did meet, and we did kiss, and we did caress, and all that stuff. We didn't have sex (not with the clothes off anyway). Link to post Share on other sites
tinke Posted May 22, 2009 Share Posted May 22, 2009 It's always the "poor me" song and dance with you, read your posts. Again, you openly admit to dragging at work. Is there ever any thought about others with you? It's been over a year now, and you are STILL repeating the SAME words. Are you waiting for someone else to cure you, waiting for a magic wand? AGAIN, what is it exactly you are seeking from LS? If you go back a year, your posts are the same and you refuse to think differently or make any changes. So, what is the purpose of this? Link to post Share on other sites
Author Ariadne Posted May 22, 2009 Author Share Posted May 22, 2009 It's always the "poor me" song and dance with you, read your posts. Again, you openly admit to dragging at work. Is there ever any thought about others with you? It's been over a year now, and you are STILL repeating the SAME words. Are you waiting for someone else to cure you, waiting for a magic wand? AGAIN, what is it exactly you are seeking from LS? If you go back a year, your posts are the same and you refuse to think differently or make any changes. So, what is the purpose of this? Well, And I think that you are either in love with DG or you are a friend of DollGirl. Link to post Share on other sites
sb129 Posted May 22, 2009 Share Posted May 22, 2009 DG didn't "dump" you- because you were never truly together...... Ariadne, he is the worst kind of narcissist if he is still even contacting you.. I still remember all those dramas on here and the blogs from his then gf and exes, it was all so nasty and horrible... I guess you forgot. Link to post Share on other sites
Author Ariadne Posted May 22, 2009 Author Share Posted May 22, 2009 DG didn't "dump" you- because you were never truly together...... Ariadne, he is the worst kind of narcissist if he is still even contacting you.. I still remember all those dramas on here and the blogs from his then gf and exes, it was all so nasty and horrible... I guess you forgot. Ok, what you have to understand is that I'm dealing with Spock here. If you see Star Trek you'll understand. But I know he is not all cold, because I saw the other side of him. (For all that matters anyway.. he is not responding) Link to post Share on other sites
sb129 Posted May 22, 2009 Share Posted May 22, 2009 But Ariadne- ONE session of kissing and all that doesn't make up for even HALF the mean stuff he let happen to you. You have seen the other side of him a handful of times, yet the nasty, arrogant, narcissistic side of him comes out ALL THE TIME. If he wanted to be with you, HE would have made it happen by now... Ah, I don't know why I bother I may as well cut and past the posts from 2007/06 or whenever it was you first started talking about him. Link to post Share on other sites
Author Ariadne Posted May 22, 2009 Author Share Posted May 22, 2009 But Ariadne- ONE session of kissing and all that doesn't make up for even HALF the mean stuff he let happen to you. You have seen the other side of him a handful of times, yet the nasty, arrogant, narcissistic side of him comes out ALL THE TIME. If he wanted to be with you, HE would have made it happen by now... Ah, I don't know why I bother I may as well cut and past the posts from 2007/06 or whenever it was you first started talking about him. I know, I know. Is just that I can't forget him no matter what! I've had a million crushes before that I got over in no time. The longest it took me to get over someone was two years... And that was a guy I was madly in love with, and with whom I had a one year passionate relationship. This guy I only saw three times (for a few days each) and is like I took some potion. Link to post Share on other sites
sb129 Posted May 22, 2009 Share Posted May 22, 2009 I just went and looked at his website again.... OH come on! :sick: He is getting worse. And his hair is getting thinner.... That guy will never love anyone as much as he loves himself. Link to post Share on other sites
burning 4 revenge Posted May 22, 2009 Share Posted May 22, 2009 I just went and looked at his website again.... OH come on! :sick: He is getting worse. And his hair is getting thinner.... That guy will never love anyone as much as he loves himself. hey easy with the thinning hair stuff.. Link to post Share on other sites
sb129 Posted May 22, 2009 Share Posted May 22, 2009 Hey- my husband is a real baldy. But he shaves his head and isn't in denial about it. I think shaved or really short hair is hot. We all know that DG is in denial about losing HIS hair. Why else would he try to look like Fabio? Link to post Share on other sites
Sibyl Vane Posted May 22, 2009 Share Posted May 22, 2009 hey easy with the thinning hair stuff.. You don't have flowing blonde hair b4r. Yours is cute. Link to post Share on other sites
sb129 Posted May 22, 2009 Share Posted May 22, 2009 hey easy with the thinning hair stuff.. unless---- B4R, are you DG? Link to post Share on other sites
burning 4 revenge Posted May 22, 2009 Share Posted May 22, 2009 Hey- my husband is a real baldy. But he shaves his head and isn't in denial about it. I think shaved or really short hair is hot. We all know that DG is in denial about losing HIS hair. Why else would he try to look like Fabio? Yeah balding Fabio style is even worse than non balding Fabio style which was already a bad idea to begin with I clipper my hair down with number two sheers myself. I cant go all the way. Looks too much like chemotherapy for my tastes (not that theres anything wrong with that) 1 Link to post Share on other sites
sb129 Posted May 22, 2009 Share Posted May 22, 2009 Number 2 is Wonderboys look too. Link to post Share on other sites
tinke Posted May 22, 2009 Share Posted May 22, 2009 Ah, yes A., I too am in love with D.G., what's not to love? Think about this, you have involved your own son in all this mess, who does that? I am sure at his age, he is already needing guidance of the "real" world, why not put your energies there. Why is it you always seem to need rescuing? Why not take responsibility for yourself! I've said it long ago when you were writing the same things, only YOU can save yourself, BUT, you must want to change. So, if you choose to stay in the same frame of mind and quickly dismiss any suggestions from LS readers, why do you continue to hash the same mess? What is it (once again) you expect from this forum? The "relationship" obviously is only on your part, how long are you going to ALLOW this to continue? I can understand having strong feelings for someone that are hard to die. But, you will not even admit to yourself that there is not a relationship! Don't you think that might be a good place to start? But, knowing what I read from previously, NO, you don't want anything to change, at least nothing you have to work at. So, what are you expecting here? 1 Link to post Share on other sites
Author Ariadne Posted May 23, 2009 Author Share Posted May 23, 2009 Ah, yes A., I too am in love with D.G., what's not to love? Think about this, you have involved your own son in all this mess, who does that? Well, If I were to take a wild guess, I'd say that you are a friend of DollGirl, not only that, you are tinktronik, and you lost your children. Link to post Share on other sites
Jilly Bean Posted May 23, 2009 Share Posted May 23, 2009 Hey, A! How are you? I don't understand why A's involvement with DG bother people so much. Ariadne is not an ignorant woman, and if she choses to ensconce herself with DG, what's the harm to anyone else? It's not like she's out pillaging. lol If and when A choses to move on, she will. Link to post Share on other sites
Author Ariadne Posted May 23, 2009 Author Share Posted May 23, 2009 Hey, A! How are you? I don't understand why A's involvement with DG bother people so much. Ariadne is not an ignorant woman, and if she choses to ensconce herself with DG, what's the harm to anyone else? It's not like she's out pillaging. lol If and when A choses to move on, she will. Yey Jilly Bean!!! Nice to see you again. Thanks! Link to post Share on other sites
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