SadandConfusedWA Posted October 17, 2009 Share Posted October 17, 2009 To clarify, A hated her job and resigned. She didn't feel like doing anything and I don't believe that this has a lot to do with DG. Same thing happened with another job before she met DG. She genuinely hates working, at least working in the field that she is qualified for. I believe DG and weed are a crutch and a form of escapism because A feels lost and is not sure which direction to take in life. Link to post Share on other sites
tinktronik Posted October 17, 2009 Share Posted October 17, 2009 To clarify, A hated her job and resigned. She didn't feel like doing anything and I don't believe that this has a lot to do with DG. Same thing happened with another job before she met DG. She genuinely hates working, at least working in the field that she is qualified for. I believe DG and weed are a crutch and a form of escapism because A feels lost and is not sure which direction to take in life. Yes, it's a fantasy to build around herself so that she does not have to deal with a life that she is not happy in. The way out is to take baby steps toward building that life that she really wants, realistic steps that are not fantastical. Link to post Share on other sites
Author Ariadne Posted October 17, 2009 Author Share Posted October 17, 2009 Ariadne, when was the last time you felt motivated? I only felt motivated in my early thirties. I really wanted to get the best job ever, I wanted to do a Master's, I wanted to get promoted and make tons of money, I wanted to be a team leader, and all of that. I was good in the University and got a job in a major Aerospace company in a very important project. And then.... reality hit and I just hated the whole thing that I've been sold. The reality of getting up at 4:30am, 3 hr commute, spending the whole day in a secret lab with no windows, coding, with no internet, for at least 8 hours straight, with millions of files of code that gave you a headache, doing some crap for the military, and coming home every day at night and repeat. Link to post Share on other sites
Art_Critic Posted October 17, 2009 Share Posted October 17, 2009 Stop telling her it's all ok and its true love and that it's okay. It is not okay to obsess over someone who does not respond to you for years on end, it is unhealthy and damaging. It is not okay to sit around and smoke weed while your out of a job and worried about where you will live next month or next week. It is not okay to build these relationships with your child where you are helping to influence them toward unhealthy life-style choices. STOP telling her it's all okay... Say A... This is not OK. How can I help you not to do this anymore? NOT OKAY. What do you need to be able to move on? Does she need someone to talk her through times when she wants to contact DG? Does she need help finding the nearest NA program? Do that for her if you are her friend. That's a really good well thought out response... I totally agree.. even if I could never had written it.. Link to post Share on other sites
SadandConfusedWA Posted October 17, 2009 Share Posted October 17, 2009 I can start by telling you what not to do. Stop telling her it's all ok and its true love and that it's okay. It is not okay to obsess over someone who does not respond to you for years on end, it is unhealthy and damaging. It is not okay to sit around and smoke weed while your out of a job and worried about where you will live next month or next week. It is not okay to build these relationships with your child where you are helping to influence them toward unhealthy life-style choices. STOP telling her it's all okay... Say A... This is not OK. How can I help you not to do this anymore? NOT OKAY. What do you need to be able to move on? Does she need someone to talk her through times when she wants to contact DG? Does she need help finding the nearest NA program? Do that for her if you are her friend. The only reason to keep telling her that it's okay is if you want to see her fail in life. Well tink, I don't tell her that it's true love. I never have. As for obsessions, I have been in unrequited love situation for years too. So I fully understand that part of how she feels. I am fully aware of reality of my situation, yet I am unable to move on. Same for A. I share an office with a girl that has been pining over a guy for 3 years who doesn't even care to talk to her. It happens and often. I beleive that all 3 of us share a certain personality type, where we almost prefer fantasy over reality. It is not that we are abnormal, we are just differently wired to people who are very practical and grounded. Now, a combination of no job and weed and lack of general direction in life is more worrying to me that DG. And why would I want to see her fail? She is there for me too when I talk about my obssesion. Does A want to see me fail too We just "get" each other on that level. It's called friendship. Link to post Share on other sites
tinktronik Posted October 17, 2009 Share Posted October 17, 2009 Well tink, I don't tell her that it's true love. I never have. As for obsessions, I have been in unrequited love situation for years too. So I fully understand that part of how she feels. I am fully aware of reality of my situation, yet I am unable to move on. Same for A. I share an office with a girl that has been pining over a guy for 3 years who doesn't even care to talk to her. It happens and often. I beleive that all 3 of us share a certain personality type, where we almost prefer fantasy over reality. It is not that we are abnormal, we are just differently wired to people who are very practical and grounded. Now, a combination of no job and weed and lack of general direction in life is more worrying to me that DG. And why would I want to see her fail? She is there for me too when I talk about my obssesion. Does A want to see me fail too We just "get" each other on that level. It's called friendship. That's not friendship, that's commiseration. Link to post Share on other sites
Author Ariadne Posted October 17, 2009 Author Share Posted October 17, 2009 We just "get" each other on that level. It's called friendship. Yeah...... Link to post Share on other sites
Author Ariadne Posted October 17, 2009 Author Share Posted October 17, 2009 That's not friendship, that's commiseration. With friends I also look for soulmates, not for someone to tell me what to do. Link to post Share on other sites
tinktronik Posted October 17, 2009 Share Posted October 17, 2009 With friends I also look for soulmates, not for someone to tell me what to do. It's not about telling what to do. Friendship is about a sharing of personal experience but also about helping guide a person to be better in their life. Link to post Share on other sites
Art_Critic Posted October 17, 2009 Share Posted October 17, 2009 With friends I also look for soulmates, not for someone to tell me what to do. Will you move in with your sole mate too when your resources finally run out and they put you out on the street ? Link to post Share on other sites
Author Ariadne Posted October 17, 2009 Author Share Posted October 17, 2009 Will you move in with your sole mate too when your resources finally run out and they put you out on the street ? No, with my parents. Link to post Share on other sites
xpaperxcutx Posted October 17, 2009 Share Posted October 17, 2009 A_C, there is no reasoning with Ariadne. We can only sit on the sidelines as virtual supporters. Most people doesn't condone A's way of living, and while we have convinced her time and time again, the expansion of her page is evidence enough that we haven't been of help much. As someone said, tough love does not work for everyone. A I do hope you can get through this. Link to post Share on other sites
PinkToes Posted October 17, 2009 Share Posted October 17, 2009 And then.... reality hit and I just hated the whole thing that I've been sold. I get that. So what do you think you'd prefer? Not in a cheesy "what color is your parachute" kind of way, but what would you like your life to look like? Never mind getting there, I'm just wondering where your heart is these days. Link to post Share on other sites
Art_Critic Posted October 17, 2009 Share Posted October 17, 2009 No, with my parents. Since you have seen the future and you do not want the future then do something about it... Link to post Share on other sites
Author Ariadne Posted October 17, 2009 Author Share Posted October 17, 2009 It's not about telling what to do. Friendship is about a sharing of personal experience but also about helping guide a person to be better in their life. I don't like that.. A I do hope you can get through this. Thanks. It's not so bad actually. what would you like your life to look like? Never mind getting there, I'm just wondering where your heart is these days. I don't even know really. I just know I like the gurus. Since you have seen the future and you do not want the future then do something about it... It has some disadvantages. I'd settle for marrying DG. Link to post Share on other sites
Art_Critic Posted October 17, 2009 Share Posted October 17, 2009 Did you feel this way when you lived with your Mom a couple of years ago ? Maybe you realy could benefit from living with your parents. Link to post Share on other sites
Author Ariadne Posted October 17, 2009 Author Share Posted October 17, 2009 Did you feel this way when you lived with your Mom a couple of years ago ? Maybe you realy could benefit from living with your parents. Maybe. My father is 77 and my mother 72 and in good health, thank God. So I have considered it, even for some time. They like to spend time with us also. We'll see what happens. I don't plan very much. Link to post Share on other sites
PinkToes Posted October 17, 2009 Share Posted October 17, 2009 I don't even know really. I just know I like the gurus. Well that would make it more difficult to stop doing the stuff that isn't in your best interest, if you don't feel you have anything to replace it with. So maybe you could spend a little time thinking about that. Link to post Share on other sites
SadandConfusedWA Posted October 17, 2009 Share Posted October 17, 2009 Maybe. My father is 77 and my mother 72 and in good health, thank God. So I have considered it, even for some time. They like to spend time with us also. We'll see what happens. I don't plan very much. Yes, I think temporarily going to the parents is a good idea. Last time A was there, she sounded a lot happier. One of her problems is also that she feels isolated and lonely which gives her too much time to think. At the parents, I believe she has some old friends there and brother and his gf, at least it helps to take her mind of the loneliness and DG. Link to post Share on other sites
deux ex machina Posted October 18, 2009 Share Posted October 18, 2009 I only felt motivated in my early thirties. I really wanted to get the best job ever, I wanted to do a Master's, I wanted to get promoted and make tons of money, I wanted to be a team leader, and all of that. I was good in the University and got a job in a major Aerospace company in a very important project. And then.... reality hit and I just hated the whole thing that I've been sold. The reality of getting up at 4:30am, 3 hr commute, spending the whole day in a secret lab with no windows, coding, with no internet, for at least 8 hours straight, with millions of files of code that gave you a headache, doing some crap for the military, and coming home every day at night and repeat. (((Ariadne))) Link to post Share on other sites
whichwayisup Posted October 18, 2009 Share Posted October 18, 2009 Good idea about moving in with your parents. It could help you $$ wise, until you can get back on your feet, find another job.. Link to post Share on other sites
tinke Posted October 19, 2009 Share Posted October 19, 2009 Oh, and the drama continues! Not quite sure if you really believe this stuff or just writing for a reaction, maybe boredom. It wouldn't surprise me at all if "sad and confused" is actually you A., writing in the third person! Link to post Share on other sites
SaraMcCoy Posted October 19, 2009 Share Posted October 19, 2009 Wow.. that will show him. Get drunk and high! haha. Do what you have to do I guess, but there are more fish in the sea. Link to post Share on other sites
donnamaybe Posted October 19, 2009 Share Posted October 19, 2009 (Oh no, in my world women don't work a single day outside the house!!! The men work. That's what they are for). In your world? I disagree. You've shown us what men "in your world" are expected to do. Link to post Share on other sites
donnamaybe Posted October 19, 2009 Share Posted October 19, 2009 Right now he is with the gf in his room, and she came to spend the weekend. I just went to buy Indian food, and served them in a tray the different samples. OMG! So the non-working adult son who is living off you and playing video games all day brings over yet ANOTHER mouth for you to feed, and you serve it up to them like some kind of butler? Does anyone see the problem here? A, you have GOT to stop being SUCH a doormat! Link to post Share on other sites
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