I want a social life and I feel that time is running out.

[fromlonelytogreat]

I am so angry. I had a huge thread all written up and it all got removed because I wasn't logged in.

 

In short, I am in my mid-20s and have no social life. I used to enjoy going out to bars and clubs when I was younger, but I no longer keep in contact with those that I used to go with - drifted apart. I am sick of spending every Saturday night at home all alone playing xbox/watching movies/on the internet and then crying myself to sleep. I dread turning up to the office on Mondays and listening to everyone talk about their great weekends.

 

I just want to meet people that want the same - a group of people to socialise with. I really miss going out clubbing. I was extremely shy during university, so I never made many friends and I really regret that now. I am a much better person now, but I feel that it's too late.

 

 

What can I do to break out of this never-ending feeling of loneliness?

[norajane]

Making friends after university requires more effort because you aren't surrounded by people your age, with your interests every day all day. You do have to seek people out.

 

Work is often a good place to start. There must be at least one person there you could become friends with? Start by planning a happy hour for whoever is interested/available, maybe on a Thursday or Friday after work. Do it every other week or so. Get to know those people socially and you may find a like-minded friend or two there. Don't fret if they're married, in a relationship, older, whatever. Friends come in all ages and life stories. Enjoy them for who they are and what they do bring to your life, and don't worry if they're not the clubbing types. Friends are worthwhile even if they don't match up with your interests entirely.

 

Then, pretend that you're new in town and explore as if your city is new to you. Do things on your own that are interesting to you. Visit museums, check out art exhibit openings. Join a local social group online, start taking yoga or dance classes - belly dancing is fun to learn and everyone is very friendly. If you like to hike or bike or run, join a club. Talk to people and become friendly with them.

 

Spend some time in a local coffee shop in your neighborhood, sit at the counter, and be friendly with whoever comes by. Ask about good places to go for dancing or live music.

 

Point being, you won't meet friends in your house. That's pretty much a guarantee. Get out and do things you enjoy doing and you will meet people along the way if you are open and friendly. Then make the effort to invite them to things that you are planning to do. Eventually, you will make some friends. It's a long term, life time process as people come in and out of your life all the time.

 

Don't despair. At 25, you're not running out of time for anything. You have lots and lots of time for everything.

[Konfuzion]

Ummmm just go out to a club by yourself and dance and have a good time, you will meet like minded people. Or look in the local paper for social events that are things you like to do clubs and the such, or even check craigslist.

[lonelyandfrustrated]

It's never too late to do something different.

 

So do something different! If you like bars, go to one. Happy Hour is usually better for talking to folks than a saturday night would be. Thing is, you can't sit there with your brew and doodle crosswords. Talk to people. Do you have a social anxiety problem? I knew a guy who had a serious anxiety problem but loved bars, so he put one in his basement and sat there all alone. No fun!

 

Don't be him. Put yourself out there. It'll only hurt for a minute.

[norajane]

Ummmm just go out to a club by yourself and dance and have a good time, you will meet like minded people. Or look in the local paper for social events that are things you like to do clubs and the such, or even check craigslist.

 

It's pretty easy to chat with the girls standing in line for the ladies room - you might make a friend.

[fromlonelytogreat]

Yeah, see... I feel that the people at work keep their social lives to themselves - nobody organises after work drinks on Fridays.

 

I guess people that don't know the real me would probably assume that I have a great life - I am not ugly, I try to dress nicely, and work out to keep myself fit. In reality my life is more like an existence. Sure, I have a good career ahead of me, but I am severely deficient in the social aspects of my life.

 

Also, I guess that I will admit that I am looking for a partner, but I haven't been on a date in YEARS; again due to my extreme shyness. To put things into perspective; I still blush around girls that I find to be even somewhat attractive.

 

The kinds of girls that I want to date (fun, easy going, and sociable) I think will not even consider me as I'm a 'loner' at the moment.

[NWSTRT2121]

Hi fromlonely great. Craigslist as previously mentioned is a good site that lists a lot of group acitivities going around in your area I saw one for a pagan meetup group one time and almost went to it just out of sheer curiousity lol. Also a lot of cities have free weekly magazines in the downtown areas that you can pick up that list events going on throughout the week from art exhibits to concerts, etc. I would recommend taking a copy and seeing what is out there.

 

Are you religious at all? I joined a christian college group and it's been a wonderful experience so far and I have met a lot of people who I can relate to and feel comfortable around. I feel a sense of community and it's made me step outside myself more than I ever have in my life. Im not trying to convert you im just saying if its something you've thought about a lot of churches have their own groups that do all kinds of activities together and it's a great way to meet people.

 

In terms of the people at work, I think you are under the "assumption" they keep their social lives to themselves but you have to at least be persistent in trying to get these people to open up. I was like you in that often times I would get afraid to disrupt the flow of others lives, but lets face it the only way you are going to meet new people is by taking risks. You already have something in common with them in that you work in the same place so that's a convo starter right there. Ask some of them out to lunch to discuss business related matters if you'd like. Invite them over one night to your place and tell them to invite their friends. At the end of the day you control your own destiny.

 

One last thing is maybe you should speak to some kind of a counselor/therapist about things once in a while. Tell them your situation and what's on your mind. I speak to one every now and then and he gives me a lot of confidence and sort of a set of guidelines to get me and help me stay on the track I want to go on.

[westernxer]

You sound a lot like me in some respects, but what I've learned and something you should consider also is not to pressure yourself to keep up with your peers.

 

The advice you're getting from others is a good place to start.

 

Coffee shops are also ideal places to meet new people. I'd consider going to one if I were you. Lot of cool people hang out there with no strings attached (even shy, cute, smart chicks)... just make sure they're not anarchists. LOL

 

Too bad I don't drink coffee anymore...

[monkey00]

I am so angry. I had a huge thread all written up and it all got removed because I wasn't logged in.

 

In short, I am in my mid-20s and have no social life. I used to enjoy going out to bars and clubs when I was younger, but I no longer keep in contact with those that I used to go with - drifted apart. I am sick of spending every Saturday night at home all alone playing xbox/watching movies/on the internet and then crying myself to sleep. I dread turning up to the office on Mondays and listening to everyone talk about their great weekends.

 

I just want to meet people that want the same - a group of people to socialise with. I really miss going out clubbing. I was extremely shy during university, so I never made many friends and I really regret that now. I am a much better person now, but I feel that it's too late.

 

What can I do to break out of this never-ending feeling of loneliness?

 

I'll assume you're a guy. I'm in my mid-20's also. The friends I used to go to bars with in the past have gfs now so it doesn't happen much. However over time I've made new friends and now they take up the spot my old friends did, in addition to many other activities.

 

It's a natural thing for people to come and go in your life, but it's what you make the best of it. Anyway my point is, if all you do is sit and wait for something miraculous to happen and all of a sudden you have new friends and a great social life you're wrong. A lot of the things I've done in life and friends I have is because I take initiative and sometimes they do also.

 

I don't know how your co-workers are. But for me it's different people don't really talk about their weekends or vacations much unless asked. As someone mentioned I agree you're putting too much pressure on yourself about having a social life and trying to match up to your co-workers.

 

If you're still a shy person, I would recommend joining a club or take some kind of classes (dancing/martial arts/art/etc), where you can meet like-minded people and make friends. also there's no problem if you go to a bar and drink alone...if you ask me, that's the best place to meet random people and socialize - including the bartender, believe me lots of people do that.

[Isolde]

OP, I'm similar to you in some ways: I especially relate about not having been able to take advantage of college opportunities (I was always busy, and I don't think college social life is all it's chalked up to be anyway, it's very easy to make just a very superficial network of friends).

 

I'll be reading this thread with interest. I dont have too many suggestions other than just being friendly even when in doubt if the situation calls for friendliness. For example at a bus stop or coffeeshop.

[Sw3etdev1L]

You know what?

Whoever does love you doesn't care about you being antisocial. I thought about it. Because there's so many ****ty people out there, that if you are a great guy. A great girl will know how to appreciate that. Why take being antisocial so seriously when if being social is something you want, and if you work at it, it is something you can have in your life.

Friends can be found everywhere, it is just opening yourself to people and not judging easy. I guess. I am social. I just don't have friends to go out with to clubbs and stuff because three months ago, the friends which I went out with, started acting weird around me. One of them thought I was kind of a threat for her because even if I didn't flirt I used to attract more attention towards men than her and so, she started being envious and acting different around me. So I stopped going out with her. I don't like drinking, she said I would look better if I were a Drunk. Just imagine. My other friend started having boyfriend and stopped going out with me. Truth is, my good friends are very relaxed, they prefer going out to take coffees or ice creams than going out and looking drunk. Some of them are religious jewish and catholic, another one is married and the other one is about to be committed to her boyfriend, like for marriage. I am one of the people who believe that if you are nice and open and search for what you want, you get it. IF being social is what you want.. There is always a person who will be there for you. Just have to be open. And I don't think an intelligent girl would care about you being lonely. Loneliness can come in stages. Everybody is lonely at times. And to have bad influences in your life or being lonely, it is better for you to be lonely. Goodluck!

[Sw3etdev1L]

And you know what I was thinking right now?

When you are happy with your life, it doesn't matter if you feel lonesome.

Truth is, you shouldn't care about what other people think about you.

Because, some people cover their loneliness with drugs, with being alcoholic, with being excessively drunk, with trying to do things that will make them think they are socially accepted when the truth is they feel like social outcasts, they are just to insecure that they just go with the flow because they are cowards. They don't want to know they are alone. Truth is we are all alone, even if we have families, and friends and are surrounded by people. We all have free will and will spend our lives usually with our own selves. Have to be happy with your own self. Accepting your loneliness and being happy with it. It even makes you stronger and you might start attracting people just because you don't look or feel needy.

I was just so happy reading your post because I am a good advisor, well that's what I believe. Maybe I am not. But I think this advice for you will help me for me too hehe.

[fromlonelytogreat]

Another lonely weekend it seems.

 

I went shopping after work last night and saw so many young couples together. It made me feel kinda sad and shoots my self-confidence down the drain - what the heck is wrong with me?

 

Heck, I even stayed back at work later than my team leader, and he was getting ready to head out with his girlfriend and his mates - he is twice my age.

 

I went out with some guys from school last weekend and had a great time. Sadly, these meets only happen once a year because they are instigated by my mate which lives in a different city that comes over here once a year. Additionally, they all have serious partners so that leaves me out of most things as well.

[Green]

What state are you in, I'm going to a really good party tonight your envited to come if you can make it! Look man its all very easy your not even trying. If your in good shape and good looking and young you've already won half the battle. If you tell me you are 6 foot tall or over you really are going to be out of excuses. Just walk up to random good looking chicks, I mean they are every where you can't go to the bank and make a deposit with out spoting one of these random good looking chicks. Chat them up, just say to yourself I know I'm shy but I don't care and go make fool out yourself... women find that cute. ask them out... once you get some dates going you'll feel better... and how about you take the initiative with people at work and invite them out. I've always made good friends at work. Go out by yourself if you must and tell people you have new friends a pack men will take pitty upon you and take you into there group. Join a sports team at your gym like basket ball or what ever thats a good way to make friends. I mean when your playing sports you make good friends with your team. so don't come back and tell me how you have another weekend alone... come back and tell me about the girls you asked out and the sports teams you joined and if you still don't have friends then we'll talk. Don't expect a group of people to show up at your door and just become your friends and then have sex with you

[fromlonelytogreat]

What state are you in, I'm going to a really good party tonight your envited to come if you can make it! Look man its all very easy your not even trying. If your in good shape and good looking and young you've already won half the battle. If you tell me you are 6 foot tall or over you really are going to be out of excuses. Just walk up to random good looking chicks, I mean they are every where you can't go to the bank and make a deposit with out spoting one of these random good looking chicks. Chat them up, just say to yourself I know I'm shy but I don't care and go make fool out yourself... women find that cute. ask them out... once you get some dates going you'll feel better... and how about you take the initiative with people at work and invite them out. I've always made good friends at work. Go out by yourself if you must and tell people you have new friends a pack men will take pitty upon you and take you into there group. Join a sports team at your gym like basket ball or what ever thats a good way to make friends. I mean when your playing sports you make good friends with your team. so don't come back and tell me how you have another weekend alone... come back and tell me about the girls you asked out and the sports teams you joined and if you still don't have friends then we'll talk. Don't expect a group of people to show up at your door and just become your friends and then have sex with you

 

I am in Australia mate.

[Green]

all my advice still aplies

[FleshNBones]

Forming relationships especially romantic ones require good social skills. Above average looks can only take you so far. If you are incredibly handsome, then it doesn't really matter what you say or do.

[fromlonelytogreat]

I had a chat with my cousin last night and he has made me realise that I can't keep on living this mundane and boring existence. He is in his early 30s and married. So yeah, I feel that time is slowly running out. I have never even had a girlfriend ffs.

 

I have tried posting on facebook but have had no replies.

 

Can I go about adding random people? Seems a bit weird.

 

I NEED cool social stories to tell others, when I am older and can no longer go out and party. The kind of stories that you can have a laugh with your workmates with.

[Green]

First off you need to change this time is running out mentality... time never runs out. In fact time is on your side. Life isn't a destination its journey. You live life in the present, not in the future and certainly not in the past. Say your life sucks and you live in cage for like 30 years... and then you get out of that cage and for what ever reason your the man once you get out of the cage, I mean your having a great time... well as long as you can get past your inner demons of the fact you were in a cage then... all that maters is the present and that your having a good time. The future and past can infect our present... for instance a bad memory can make the present painful... same as something looming in the future that you don't want to face can make your present shtty. I forget how old you are.. but dude even if your 40 or 50 or 60 or what ever your life isn't over and theres adventures to be had. Also for a man who thinks time is running out you havn't tried much... I still havn't seen great examples of the stuff you've been trying/// randomly msging people on facebook is fine but it hardly shows any effort. Stop being afraid of failure and get out there and try man... TRY

[Isolde]

First off you need to change this time is running out mentality... time never runs out. In fact time is on your side. Life isn't a destination its journey. You live life in the present, not in the future and certainly not in the past. Say your life sucks and you live in cage for like 30 years... and then you get out of that cage and for what ever reason your the man once you get out of the cage, I mean your having a great time... well as long as you can get past your inner demons of the fact you were in a cage then... all that maters is the present and that your having a good time. The future and past can infect our present... for instance a bad memory can make the present painful... same as something looming in the future that you don't want to face can make your present shtty. I forget how old you are.. but dude even if your 40 or 50 or 60 or what ever your life isn't over and theres adventures to be had. Also for a man who thinks time is running out you havn't tried much... I still havn't seen great examples of the stuff you've been trying/// randomly msging people on facebook is fine but it hardly shows any effort. Stop being afraid of failure and get out there and try man... TRY

 

KMT, that's actually amazingly deep. I think I'm going to try to take this advice too, even though you don't like giving advice to GIRLS

[monkey00]

OP, I'm similar to you in some ways: I especially relate about not having been able to take advantage of college opportunities (I was always busy, and I don't think college social life is all it's chalked up to be anyway, it's very easy to make just a very superficial network of friends).

 

I agree, college social life isn't all that big of a deal. My 3rd and 4th and year of college I was a night & weekend student. Most of the people in my night classes were often older than me. So yeah, not that big of a deal.

 

Go with KMT, make the best of your present and forget about the past. Life is what you make out of it.

[pmacs500]

I relate to this post, because I'm going through a very similar situation.

 

I'm mid-20s, got a good job, and I'm fairly attractive. Prior to January, I had been with the same girl for about 5 years. When she left me for another guy (lying the whole way), it threw me into a depression that took months to climb out of.

 

During this time, I pretty much locked myself in the house and wouldn't even bother to answer phone calls. Not that it mattered anyway. My friends aren't exactly lady-killers, and would much rather get stoned and drink beer in front of a TV than go to a club. Wasn't about to meet a girl doing that every weekend.

 

Time goes on, my social ties are fairly distant. I don't really have anyone that I talk to on a daily basis outside of work, and I haven't been on a date since I got dropped.

 

I'm fed up with the situation, and have begun taking steps to fix it.

 

First off, weight lifting. Never really been a sports guy, but it feels good to be in shape. Helps confidence.

 

Reestablishing ties with old friends from many years ago. You'd be surprised how easy it is to find yourself in a new circle of friends with just a phone call.

 

Get a hobby. I still haven't decided what to do with that, but it has to be something that involves classes or group gatherings.

 

Don't coop yourself inside on nice days. Take a damn walk, for no reason. This is only logical if you live in an urban area like me.

 

Oh yeah, and don't smoke weed everyday. That makes you contempt with being alone and bored, and you won't even realize it till half a year passes you by.

 

I considered online dating, but I just don't have faith that it works.

 

To sum it all up: Get out the damn house!

[raclar]

It is a lot harder to make friends when your out of school! One site that I've found helpful is http://www.meetup.com It lists outings/gatherings in your area that you can go to There are quite a few "clubbing/pubbing/wine bar-ring" etc. groups in my area- its easy to find groups with similar interests as yours! Best of luck!