This Girl (Long Story)

[johhny]

Well, this is a long story, but I'd really appreciate some advice.

If you can't handle the length... I understand. But I organized it into chunks so you can chew it a little better.

 

Background of me:

High School Student

I'm very funny and I would consider myself attractive. I am extremely nice and polite, and everyone trusts me.

 

The Beginning:

I just moved to my new high school.

I didn't have many friends for the first year. Second year I met this girl named Jen. I was in a couple of classes with Jen for a while, and finally we started hanging out afterschool. We quickly became what I would consider best friends. I knew I was attracted to her, and I had a feeling she was attracted to me as well.

We started hanging out 6 days a week during the school year... Thats a lot.

 

The Middle:

I let her know how I felt about her from the beginning. I was always upfront about liking her (told her directly), but she never was straightforward about liking me. We would flirt almost constantly. We had been hanging out for probably 5-6 months. I would say that I was deeply attracted to her, I wanted her to be mine.

 

Later:

She sent me a lot of mixed messages. One day we would be consistently flirting, and the other she would just shut me down. To explain the type of flirting, she would talk about how we are "secretly dating", she would call me "irresistible", and sing songs to me. I was a idiot not to have made a move, but I would always change my mind because the next day she would act like shes not attracted to me at all.

 

One day when I was hanging out with her and some of her girl friends, I said "that she isn't attracted to me" to her best girl friend. Her friend pulled me aside and told me that Jen is attracted to me, and she recently had a 2 hour conversation about me with Jen. Jen had said to her friend that Jen was wondering why I hadn't made a move yet.

Summer comes:

 

This gave me a huge confidence boost, and I was determined to make a move. I went on vacation for a couple of weeks in another state, and Jen and I texted each other constantly and consistently. She talked about how much she missed me, and that life was boring there without me. Lots of flirting. When I came back I made her a handmade gift... how many guys do that? I left it under her pillow the first night we hung out(after i got back), and she told me she loved it.

 

I decided I was going to kiss her under the fireworks at 4th of July.

 

July 4th:

I was determined to make some sort of move on her, and finally settle this once and for all. But then this other guy happens to come along with the group of friends I am going with, his name is Trevor. Trevor spends the whole night hitting on Jen, and basically is all over her. I couldn't even sit next to her cause of him. Extremely frustrating. I beat myself up mentally for being so submissive to the situation.

Fastforward:

I hang out once or twice more with Jen, and since I wanted it to be "special" rather than just us hooking up, I decided to hold off a move. As we were seeing each other pretty much every day, so I didn't see a need to rush. All the sudden I don't see her for a week after that. And she has a boyfriend with this guy she had just met, only known him for a couple of days. I felt like such an idiot, but I also felt that she was very shallow for doing that.

 

I hung out with her and her boyfriend, Anthony, and some of her friends. Anthony was completely disgusting... he was very perverted and rude. Extremely skinny and not very tall. But I was like whatever, she chose him over me, its her loss. But of course I was sad about the whole situation. I felt like I had my chance and I blew it.

 

End of Summer:

After she got her boyfriend, Jen basically ditched me as a friend, and as a result all of her friends ditched me as well. I never saw them for the rest of the summer. I had to make a whole new batch of friends as a result. Went from 6 days a week during school to maybe seeing her 3 times during the whole summer. (and summer was 3 months long)

 

Karma After Summer:

Jen found out that her boyfriend was cheating on her all summer. He was having sex with this fat chick (seriously, the chick was just a bitch, I met her when I first met Anthony.) I literally laughed out loud when I heard. Jen had clearly made the wrong decision, and it totally backfired on her. I felt bad for her, but you know, it felt good for me in a weird way. She didn't chose me and she chose him, and he cheated on her.

 

End:

Now she suddenly talks to me all the time, and wants to hang out a lot. The other day I just went with her for like a 30 min drive. I was feeling like she was starting to be attracted to me again. But then again, she drove me home the other day with some friends in the car, and they were all gonna hang out. When her friends asked whether I was coming along, Jen said "no, im just dropping him off at home". So they basically talked about what they were gonna do for the day while I was in the car and didn't invite me... I felt like the friends wanted me to go, but Jen said no.

 

Question for those who read all this:

Well, shes one of the only girls i've been attracted to at my high school. It's senior year, and I would love to have a real relationship for once. I'm still bitter about how she ditched me, but I can tell now that we are hanging out again that I am starting to become attracted to her again.

 

It's kind of annoying how I like her, since I feel like she almost isn't worth my love since she won't appreciate it. What do you think I should do? Try to be just friends with her? (Kind of hard) Play really hard to get so she has to make any effort to start a relationship? Any real advice on this situation would do. You are a super person to have read all this and I really appreciate your advice. :D:D

[whichwayisup]

OK, I feel for you because you truly seem like a nice and sweet guy, considerate and caring.

 

Yes, Jen blew it and went for the bad boy/cool guy who ended up cheating on her.

 

She KNOWS she made the wrong choice and like you, is too stubborn to admit it, too stubborn to come to you and ask for another chance.

 

I say screw it! If you love this girl, tell her. Speak from your heart, take a chance, be honest and tell her you expect the same respect and honesty back from her. Go from there..Atleast talking about things, letting her know it hurt you that she picked the other guy, will give you closure either way.

 

You have nothing to lose, so I say lay it out on the line and go for it.

 

Hope this helps! Definately post back with an update!

[johhny]

OK, I feel for you because you truly seem like a nice and sweet guy, considerate and caring.

 

Yes, Jen blew it and went for the bad boy/cool guy who ended up cheating on her.

 

She KNOWS she made the wrong choice and like you, is too stubborn to admit it, too stubborn to come to you and ask for another chance.

 

I say screw it! If you love this girl, tell her. Speak from your heart, take a chance, be honest and tell her you expect the same respect and honesty back from her. Go from there..Atleast talking about things, letting her know it hurt you that she picked the other guy, will give you closure either way.

 

You have nothing to lose, so I say lay it out on the line and go for it.

 

Hope this helps! Definately post back with an update!

Thanks a lot for reading that and giving me your advice! I just read it over, and I realized that I made a lot of grammatical errors, but I think it mostly makes sense.

 

You are right, I am a nice guy, and I try to be that way.

 

But the thing is, I don't know if she likes me anymore. I don't know if she wants another chance. I don't know if I want to give her another chance.

 

To me she isn't even close to being "the perfect girl", but she knows that shes the only one I like so she abuses that power. I feel like if I told her that I was hurt by all that, then she would just toss it away.

 

I did confront her about ditching me this summer (as a friend) and she said "it was a 2 way street" because I never called her either. Well the fact is she didn't remember that I tried to hang out with her for like a week straight (calling almost daily), and then I just gave up cause I figured if she really thought of me as a friend she would have called me.

 

Whenever i'm around her or talking to her, I get that "elephant in the room" feeling. Just the way we talk seem so empty and useless, like we are both waiting for one or the other to bring up the subject of our relationship. Either that or that she gets the vibe I want to talk about it and she doesn't wanna bring it up. Its a very akward style of conversation.

What I'm trying to say is, I don't want to tell her that I'm still attracted to her, because it will just give her a confidence boost that she doesn't deserve, and she is just going to be like "He still likes me, thats great *toss*, i can still get guys i guess"

I haven't seen evidence of this type of personality yet, but I get hints of it when we talk. She just KNOWS she attracts a lot of guys.

 

But also there is always that chance that she likes me and it could spark a new relationship... IDK its become really hard for me. Since in the back of my brain I know im still deeply attracted.

[whichwayisup]

OK well, then just distance yourself from her, see what happens. Act aloof and maybe you should start dating afew other girls, even casually. You don't have to advertise it, or throw it in her face, trust me, she'll find out through the grapevine. It's when she reacts to you going out on dates, she'll react. THAT'S when you sit her down and ask HER what she feels towards you. Let her talk.

 

I think she does like you too and you both are having a problem with the ego thing and not wanting to make the 1st step, in the sense of really opening up and talking, due to fears of rejection and being hurt. Totally understandable!

 

Have to ask..

 

Well the fact is she didn't remember that I tried to hang out with her for like a week straight (calling almost daily), and then I just gave up cause I figured if she really thought of me as a friend she would have called me.

 

Did you point that out to her? The reason why you backed off and stopped calling is because you felt blown off by her? Excluded from the gang? Coulda, woulda, shoulda.. Never assume because chances are, you're wrong.

[CommitmentPhobe]

You're getting played. She has you where she wants you, just listen to yourself.

 

Remove yourself from this situation.

[Green]

First off Never take advice from girls about what you should do about girls. Second you did a great job of breaking up your long story and making it understandable and I apreciate the detail you put in because it shows your awarness of the situation. I think you can still get this girl whether she has a bf or not. Heres what you do MAKE A MOVE. Making a move is a milion times more effective then telling her you love her or saying you really like her or what ever. Get confident and Kiss her and touch her. Thats why that so called skinny pervert got her he wasn't affraid. Getting a gf isn't done through friendly heartfelt conversations and pouring your heart out and all that, I mean that is good stuff but you need to follow through with the all important kiss. Just do it the next time you see her, if her friends are around tell her you need to tell her a secret take her to another room or out of view of the friends and just get close like your going to wisper the secret and say I can't stop myself I have to kiss you and basicaly you'll already be close and then you should just start kissing her. DUDe take my advice you have to be willing to lose a girl to get her Kiss her kiss her the next time you see her, You'll be telling yourself no nows not the right time shes being mean to me or her friends are around or her new bf is around NOOooo Just do it the next time you see her be confident drown out all the lame excuses and kiss her. By the way what state r u guys in

[johhny]

OK well, then just distance yourself from her, see what happens. Act aloof and maybe you should start dating afew other girls, even casually. You don't have to advertise it, or throw it in her face, trust me, she'll find out through the grapevine. It's when she reacts to you going out on dates, she'll react. THAT'S when you sit her down and ask HER what she feels towards you. Let her talk.

 

I think she does like you too and you both are having a problem with the ego thing and not wanting to make the 1st step, in the sense of really opening up and talking, due to fears of rejection and being hurt. Totally understandable!

 

Have to ask..

 

 

 

Did you point that out to her? The reason why you backed off and stopped calling is because you felt blown off by her? Excluded from the gang? Coulda, woulda, shoulda.. Never assume because chances are, you're wrong.

 

Yes I pointed it out to her, but I don't think she got the message. She still somehow thinks it was both of our faults that we didn't see each other much. I think I am going to give her the cold shoulder till she stops acting strange around me. I wish there were more attractive girls at my school.

 

First off Never take advice from girls about what you should do about girls. Second you did a great job of breaking up your long story and making it understandable and I apreciate the detail you put in because it shows your awarness of the situation. I think you can still get this girl whether she has a bf or not. Heres what you do MAKE A MOVE. Making a move is a milion times more effective then telling her you love her or saying you really like her or what ever. Get confident and Kiss her and touch her. Thats why that so called skinny pervert got her he wasn't affraid. Getting a gf isn't done through friendly heartfelt conversations and pouring your heart out and all that, I mean that is good stuff but you need to follow through with the all important kiss. Just do it the next time you see her, if her friends are around tell her you need to tell her a secret take her to another room or out of view of the friends and just get close like your going to wisper the secret and say I can't stop myself I have to kiss you and basicaly you'll already be close and then you should just start kissing her. DUDe take my advice you have to be willing to lose a girl to get her Kiss her kiss her the next time you see her, You'll be telling yourself no nows not the right time shes being mean to me or her friends are around or her new bf is around NOOooo Just do it the next time you see her be confident drown out all the lame excuses and kiss her. By the way what state r u guys in

 

Yea, I agree on a lot of your points. I didn't make a move and so therefore I started this situation. But I'm not sure I want to make a move now... seriously it has nothing to do with my confidence. I think right now I should give her the cold shoulder, if she starts to lighten up and becomes attractive again, then maybe ill just make a move. But right now she doesn't deserve it.

Thanks a lot for the replies guys, its been a lot of help. Being able to share my problems with others has made me more decisive about the situation.

 

Right now, we haven't talked all weekend, and I haven't been on aim in days. Then I get on AIM and check to see if shes online. Shes been "away" for 7 hours. 2 mins after I get on... she gets on and starts talking about the girl that cheated with her boyfriend... like i care...

[Green]

Well make a move on some one... I mean have you ever kissed a girl? It doesn't have to be her. I think you have a chance with her and you have unrealistic expectations of her

[johhny]

Well make a move on some one... I mean have you ever kissed a girl? It doesn't have to be her. I think you have a chance with her and you have unrealistic expectations of her

 

I have kissed girls, I just haven't ever had a real relationship.

I don't expect her to do anything but be a friend to me, which she isn't doing right now.

[Green]

olright I've missunderstood the situation then, I thought you were always afraid to make a move to kiss her and hid behind the crutch that she knew your feelings and it was her fault for dating other guys. The truth is she was never your friend you always had a fondness in your heart for her that was something other then mere friendship. Don't expect things to ever be like they were with her again. I say go out there and kiss her, be the guy who would have told trevor to beat it instead of just watching as he took up al her attention on the day you had planned to kiss her. I know with time you'll learn the lessons but I'm just trying to speed the process up for you. Confidence is key