A girl at work i like...

[Inquizator]

Hello,

 

Over the past few years i have grown found of this girl at work and from what i know she is pretty shy of men and easily embarrassed and so fourth, i don't think she has ever has had a boyfriend (she hasn't) and she is in her mid thirtys, to say the least i put it down to her up bringing due to her father being an alcoholic and abusive father at such a young age, he also passed away early on in this girls life and there is also no brothers in this family just three girls and the mother. ( they all go to church and are christians )

 

So she has had offers from several men at church, turned them down, one lad that went to school with her (who drives a porsche) and his brother and now me. =/

 

So she has had a range of lads from a wide spectrum, but it's a no go.

 

The reason am posting this is am trying to get feed back, because i thought that me and her were on to something, i don't believe i could have imagined it all and was just wondering was she just toying with the idea, some of the things she has came out with for example.

 

There was a time outside i was chatting with this girl that just started work (but didn't stay long) and we where working away outside and the girl (am found of) came over to ask what we where doing, i said, "just building this stuff for the shop" and this girl i was with said "yeah, am just helping to build this stuff" she then said is this stuff new, i said "yeah its new" and she had asked the price and said it was nice, and made a point that to say "Well this will be the stuff well need for our house when we get married", now i was thinking why did she say that for was it to make sure that i didn't forget about her or was it jealousy or something, i don't know!

 

And on another day,

 

I was walking about and headed to this spot where she was standing, she had cut her finger and i had asked what was wrong, she told me and i said lets see, so she did, i then said i too had cut my finger and showed her, it was strangely on the same finger and same hand, which i had pointed out, she then said "what do you think it means" i said, "its just a coicedence i think" i then asked her the same question, she then said "maybe it means we should get married" i said, "yeah it could happen" and so the conversation ended.

 

Now i must point out that i have joked before that i want to win the lottery and if i did she has said on many occasions that if that happens, you will take me around to the jewelers to buy a large dimond ring, now i know there is like a pretend joke in this conversation am not dumb but the two stories i mentioned above, which i don't believe where on the same joke level, more of a "don't forget about me" or the latter was just to test the water if i would have commitment in a relationship.

 

Then there was this time, she has said " i want a boyfriend" in front of me with another co-worker.

 

And one time said to me when it was just me and her standing chatting, she said that "i want somebody half decent looking".

 

She even asked if i had a mobile phone and i said no, she said would i ever think about getting one, and i said i would have nobody to talk too, and she said you could text me.

 

Based on these events over the past two years would do the people here think on this situation?

 

I have told her that i like her and she went bright red, i have never seen her go bright red before on that color.

 

Also a few days later i asked her if she was interest on going out with me "yes or no" she didn't give me an answer and i repeated the question still no answer she said she was busy and would speak to me later, later came and still said she was busy and wouldn't talk to me, i followed her and asked if she wauld like me to come to where she was working so we could talk and she said "leave it be for a while", so from that i knew she wasn't interested and couldn't say yes or no, so i said to her later on that day i know your not interested and to save you the trouble in saying, she said "okay fine" and i said am sorry of i upset you she said " okay thats it over withthen" and i said "yes".

 

That all took place in one day, from three days ago when i told her i really liked her.

 

thanks, please help and i will give as much information has i can.

 

My feelings on this would be best matched to this song,

 

http://uk.youtube.com/watch?v=zBk1PskGiHQ

[Sw3etdev1L]

Why do you like her?

Is it just a fantasy? An obsession? LUST???

WHY DO YOU LIKE HER?? besides being cute.

She doesn't seem to be giving you any signs of interest.

If' you'd really feel a connection, or know something more about her than her looks.. THen it might be reasonable, if not...forget it.

To get her attention you have to make an impact. A good one. Surprising her with something she likes", not stalking, not overwhelming her. Nobody wants to be asfixiated.

[Inquizator]

Not sure if you read my post, but i did explain this to someone else and they thought that there might have been something there with her, this is why am here to get a second opinion or more.

 

From what have posted above is really all i can be sure to work on and i know its not much and she has given me my answer already and i understand that part, but am confused has to how i got this idea in to my head the first time.

 

So based on above information and things she has said am trying to see if anyone else can see how i got to thinking she liked me too.

 

Yeah we got along we have things in common, like TV, flims things to chat about, but from your post and from what i know about her and what other people at work have said, she simply isn't interested in men.

 

Over the years we have worked together people have said we would be good together and i thought i guess the feeling would have been the same, i guess i was mistaken and is a learning curve for sure.

 

Why do you like her? - She is pretty, very nice girl to talk too and we have some things in common.

 

She doesn't seem to be giving you any signs of interest. - well this is why am here trying to work it out and my above post has a few things in it, which am not sure about.

 

If' you'd really feel a connection, or know something more about her than her looks..

 

THen it might be reasonable, if not...forget it.

To get her attention you have to make an impact. A good one. Surprising her with something she likes", not stalking, not overwhelming her. Nobody wants to be asfixiated. - Oh no i keep my distance for a long time and maybe that was the problem, but where dealing with a shy girl here, not a normal one and i never treated her any different on that approach.

 

I think am pumping a dry well with this girl, that i know, am not trying any more to get her attention, but rather trying to work out why she wanted my attention with things she has said.

 

Thanks.

[Sw3etdev1L]

You know what? You are right. The last time I thought your post was so long I just read the end and assummed it was going to be ok.

Look. Now that I've read ALL YOUR POST. which took me too long to read by the way hehe. Nevermind.

Well. Being in the mid thirties doesn't matter you know? If she said she would wish to have a boyfriend is because she IS interested in men. If she has chemistry with you it IS because there might be chemistry. And even if she DOES like you, she is not gonna want to go out with you. Why? because maybe she has not overcomed fears, traumas or psychological stuff she has to deal with, with the fact that she had a very Strong and Conflicted childhood, maybe she has to go to a therapist and she hasn't gotten the help herself and she avoids relationships because she doesn't want to get hurt. Because maybe her nervous system has gotten so much of life that all she can do is withdrawal. You know? Maybe she needs some kind of psychological help. Maybe if you know her weak points you could help her overcome her fears. Not asking her out, maybe she's got fobias.

Maybe just want day, tell her she looks beautiful. Try to gain her confidence and get into her little by little until you can really have a conversation with her.. You could ask for her phone number and become his friend. You know??....there are other ways you could get into her heart. Maybe she's just closed up because she's dealing with internal conflicts.

I can bet you, that's a problem. IF you ARE interested in her because she's got something that really grabs your attention and you ARE interested in her.. You could do this, maybe you could at last get an excellent person in your life.

[You'reasian]

Take your time, my friend.

 

Get to know her - get to know her well - be her friend first.

 

If a woman is making comments about marriage without barely knowing you, you need to consider what is driving this?

[Inquizator]

Guys girls i thankyou so much for your input, very much appreciated.

 

There is most likely a trust issue's with this girl when it comes to men, anyways have spoken more about the overall picture so far, but moving back to the asking her out.

 

I sort of tryed to carefully speak about the "asking her out" a couple of weeks ago and how i did this was i said to her that you seem to be happier this day than a week ago, the reply i got was "i was just upset about that".

 

Now its clear to me that, i asked her out, i then had to answer the question myself and then apologize for it?

 

How does someone get upset/annoyed at being asked out?

 

It's not like she didn't know, it was at the beginning of the year she was standing with another friend of which she said out loud "if you fancy [**girl] just say so", i made a joke of it at the time because i was caught of guard and another time someone else stated "i think [**me] has a wee thing for [**girl]" i shook my head, basicly i locked up.

 

Now before you start yes that would have been a good place to express how i felt, but it felt uncomfortable at the time for me, but holding them scenarios for the time being, if i did point out at the time how i felt, surely she would have realized where it would have went from there next to asking her out?

 

So i would have ended up where i got to anyways, plus i did speak to her a few days before i asked her out and explained about them times that friends had asked and said to her what i should have said.

 

But i guess what your saying is lining up with what i was actually thinking and that was too, just stick to being friends, at the end of the day the seed has been planted, the thought has pasted through her mind, perhaps she will take a step forward, who knows.

 

Inquizator