muse08 Posted September 28, 2008 Share Posted September 28, 2008 i just met my guy about a month and a half ago. we've shared some very private information, similar life experiences, make each other laugh, and we're both all over each other when we get together.we live 2 hours away from one another. we've gone out a few times and we talk and/or chat about every other day and sometimes every day. is this too much, too soon? he mentioned that he's not looking for a friend with benefits or anything casual. he's ready to start planning for the future and settling down. i want to make sure he's not just blowing smoke and i too need to be thinking about the future, but want to make sure that i'm ready to think about the future with this guy. i don't want to waste my time with something that's headed nowhere, but my feelings are already involved. we spent 3 days together one weekend and didn't get tired of each other. we didn't want to see the other go. we talk about more than just surface stuff. not over the top deep, but not just small talk... i don't want things to plateau too soon. i will admit that i allow my fears to prevent me from opening up in relationships. even though i'm a female, friends (male and female) have told me that i act like a dude by how guarded i am with my feelings. but that can be good right! i feel like i've opened up a bit with this new guy, but don't want to get hurt by opening up more too soon or expecting too much too soon. however, i would like him to start asking me more about the future and how to make this thing more permanent. am i being too hasty in my thinking? if not, is there anything i can do to make him want more of me, more often? i already don't respond to all phone calls and/or textes right away. i don't ignore him...it's just that sometimes i get afraid that the relationship will plateau and other times i really am busy. i have mentioned to him my concern about not wanting things to plateau too soon. please help. i really like this guy and have never felt this way about anyone...btw, i'm 33 yrs old... Link to post Share on other sites
carhill Posted September 28, 2008 Share Posted September 28, 2008 If you were strangers six weeks ago, IMO there's no rush here. Plenty of time for disclosure and 'making things permanent'. At this point, just get to know each other better in the everyday sense and enjoy yourselves. As you say, you've only 'gone out' a couple of times. Lots more pressing the flesh before anything becomes serious, IMO. This is a LDR of sorts. Not easy. Any changes anticipated? My wife lived an hour away and I know it was tough on her to move but I supported her while she re-established her business locally. The key was we both had the same mindset about working as a team back then. Lastly, I wouldn't play contact games purposely. If he calls and you are otherwise unoccupied, talk to him. Same with other stuff. You won't build a healthy relationship by keeping him guessing in that way, IMO. That does not mean you wait around for him to call, text, e-mail, etc. You have a life too If you come back in six months and fill us in on your progress as a couple, I think you'll be on your way Link to post Share on other sites
Author muse08 Posted September 28, 2008 Author Share Posted September 28, 2008 thanks for your response carhill! i will be back periodically. Link to post Share on other sites
Author muse08 Posted September 28, 2008 Author Share Posted September 28, 2008 "This is a LDR of sorts. Not easy. Any changes anticipated?" you asked if any changes to the distance were anticipated. well...this is one reason why this whole thing is different than most of my relationships. i am more open and we discuss more than i have in past relationships that were shorter lived than this!...he has asked me things like where i'd like to live when i settle down, when do i want to start a family, what business opportunities for HIM, are located in the places i'm interested in living, we've discussed our family backgrounds. i told him i'd be interested in moving closer to my family if and whenever i have my first child. his response was something to the affect that his family helps take care of each other too and would embrace a newborn just as my family would. he got emotional once when we were together and discussing the long distance and having to wait long periods of time to see one another. we have discussed each other's habits, foods we like to eat, etc. when we are together we cannot, i repeat CANNOT get enough of each other! even after 3 consecutive days up under one another. there was some type of energy that we transferred from one another at the very same times of a certain touch, kiss, embrace...oh my GOSH!!! we have some specific things in common that have formed a bond btwn us. i won't get into that here on the site. the passion is so high when we're together, but we both want to wait b4 going "all the way"/complete physical intamacy. however, each time we see each other we get closer and closer to going "all the way". we've been so close to intercourse, but i will stop and he will be like you're right. he says that i make him actually want to take his time. he says at this point in his life he want to be the man i will respect and REALLY care about. i want to take my time as well, most definitely. it's hard though...i don't want him to be too slow coming around and making adjustments, etc. he just came to visit me last weekend. now when we're apart i feel like i have separation anxiety and wonder if we should be talking everyday or every other day or whatever. so, with all this said, you tell me if this sounds like there are changes anticipated regarding the distance. i don't like to assume things, just because we discussed this. i need to keep hearing him talk about it again so i'll know he's serious and see more evidence. Link to post Share on other sites
Author muse08 Posted October 20, 2008 Author Share Posted October 20, 2008 have a few more updates...will post soon Link to post Share on other sites
cryn4attn Posted October 20, 2008 Share Posted October 20, 2008 wow, I must say this is ridiculous, I'm going through the same exact thing right now, 2 hrs away, everything great on the weekends...and I have the same fears as well, everything started fast the first two weeks and I think he realized that he was being hasty and told me that he wanted to take things slow..so now it went from texting/calling/im'ing every day to every other day or every 2 days... I guess the key is to be ourselves, chill out and don't assume the worst..each relationship is a learning experience. *good luck!!! let me know how it goes~! Link to post Share on other sites
crimsonrose Posted October 20, 2008 Share Posted October 20, 2008 Ya know what? I think you're doing just fine In my opinion one should never enter into a relationship without the possibility of a permanent future in it. Dating around just consists of giving little pieces of your heart away. Then when you finally find your other half, you don't have much left to give. Nothing special about that. It's not too much too soon. You can feel it when there's something special going on. Keep on your guard at a REASONABLE level, since you're guarded. That's all fine. But don't shut him out. And honey, it's either you risk getting hurt and open up, or you give nothing and get nothing. It'll be alright. Link to post Share on other sites
Island Girl Posted October 27, 2008 Share Posted October 27, 2008 have a few more updates...will post soon Title of this message was Interracial Dating anyone with this message. Could you clarify? Link to post Share on other sites
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