My wife started hating my dog after we got married

[Sad_In_Maine]

Before my wife and I got married, we dated for 3 years. I met my wife one year after her divorce from her first marriage. The divorce was tough on her, and she got a puppy, which helped her get through the tough times. I myself have a wonderful dog. My wife and I started to date, and saw each other almost daily. We loved each other dearly. My wife and I developed a friendship, and soon were going on road trips together every other weekend - the 2 of us and our 2 dogs. The four of us have had some wonderful times. Each day she looked forward to seeing my dog and me. My dog is longhaired and very handsome - his father was a national champion. Because of his long hair, he shed a lot. This never bothered me, or her at the time. My dog has a wonderful temperament and loves people and children. After 2 years of dating, I made a career change, and went away to go to school. We continued to see each other. We happily decided to get married after my first year of school.

 

That's when things started to change. In order to make ends meet, my wife commuted to work for periods of 2-3 days. With the long hours I spent at school, this turned out OK. However, she only took her dog with her, and left my dog behind. My poor dog was alone all day, only to see me come home exhausted and jump into bed. My dog always sleeps beside my bed. My dog is a good obedient dog - so obedient that he wouldn't even touch the other dog's full food dish. When my wife came back home, she would either make my dog stay in his basket, in another room, or stay outside of the house. Her dog would curl up with her on the couch. My wife continually complained about the hair, and treated him so differently from her dog. Her dog was allowed in the kitchen to beg for food. My dog was forbidden. I didn't deal with the favoritism - school was stressful as it was, and I'm so non-confrontational. I treated both dogs equally. I accepted her dog with open arms. My wife most certainly did not with my dog. The favoritism got worse, and my dog started to develop anxiety issues. He ripped up clothes and raided the kitchen. He never used to do those things. Now we have to tie him up when we leave the house. I continually asked my wife to treat the dogs the same, or at least attempt to. She refuses to and says that she will never treat my dog the same because of the close bond she has with her dog.

 

I later graduated, and we both moved to a location where we both got jobs. The favoritism got even worse. When we go on road trips, my wife prefers if we leave my dog at home tied up. Bringing him along only meant an argument, or irritation on her part. There isn't one day that goes by where I'm not mad and resentful. It's only one year into the marriage, but I feel like I've had the wool pulled over my eyes. I want this marriage to work, but I just don't know what to do. I've tried many times to talk to her and tell her how much it bothers me, but it always ends up in a shouting match. She continues with this favoritism. I just don't know what to do.

[Tony T]

Yes, you got the wool pulled over your eyes. Your wife is extremely selfish when it comes to her dog? How is she about other things in your marriage? If she's only selfish when it comes to the dogs, you may have to work around that somehow. If this problem is in other areas, I'd suggest a real serious talk or even counselling. Your wife clearly knew you had a dog before you got married and how you wanted it treated. Her behavior now is extremely one-sided. You seem to be doing all the giving and compromising with her getting worse as time goes on. If you don't resolve this soon, I don't think you will muster the tolerance to keep your wife around in the future. Her behavior towards the dog is a behavior towards you. Come to think of it, she may be expressing some subconscious anger towards YOU via her behavior toward your dog. You need to explore this ASAP.

 

I'm sorry this has happened to you.

[HokeyReligions]

I am a dog person to the nth degree. You HAVE to help you dog now! He is miserable and suffering. Lay down the law to your wife - or get rid of HER!

 

This breaks my heart - I wish I could come and get your dog and take care of him. Think how his heart and soul are broken because he doesn't understand and feels you don't love him anymore.

 

He needs consistency and care and it's up to you to provide that. Spend less time with your wife and more with your dog so that your dog knows he's loved and wanted. Tell your wife that her behavior is telling you that she doesn't respect you or care about your feelings, and that your actions in allowing her to treat something that you love in this way has shown that you put her first, but now its tearing you apart.

 

Poor dog. Mean wife.

 

A Dog's Prayer

 

Treat me kindly, my beloved master, for no heart in all the world is more grateful for kindness than the loving heart of me.

 

Do not break my spirit with a stick, for though I should lick your hand between the blows, your patience and understanding will more quickly teach me the things you would have me do.

 

Speak to me often, for your voice is the world's sweetest music, as you must know by the fierce wagging of my tail when your footstep falls upon my waiting ear.

 

When it is cold and wet, please take me inside... for I am now a domesticated animal, no longer used to bitter elements... and I ask no greater glory than the privilege of sitting at your feet beside the hearth... though had you no home, I would rather follow you through ice and snow than rest upon the softest pillow in the warmest home in all the land... for you are my god... and I am your devoted worshiper.

 

Keep my pan filled with fresh water, for although I should not reproach you were it dry, I cannot tell you when I suffer thirst. Feed me clean food, that I may stay well, to romp and play and do your bidding, to walk by your side, and stand ready, willing and able to protect you with my life, should your life be in danger.

 

And, beloved master, should the Great Master see fit to deprive me of my health or sight, do not turn me away from you. Rather hold me gently in your arms as skilled hands grant me the merciful boon of eternal rest...and I will leave you knowing with the last breath I drew, my fate was ever safest in your hands.

 

--Beth Norman Harris

[MarieW]

My bf is not a pet person but when he moved in with me he knew I had two dogs and three cats. He would never be physically cruel to them but in the past has dissed them or yelled at them for no apparent reason. I made a few compromises like not letting the cats sleep on he bed anymore because bf gets an allergy. But I made it clear that the pets are staying and if he doesn't like it he can go. Result is that now he is actyually quite fond of all of them and even walks the dogs for me sometimes.

The main point I want to make is that the pets were here before him and this is their home. You had your dog before you got married, now I'm not saying he should take priority over your wife, but he deserves to figure highly on your list.

You say you are not confrontational but by not standing up for the dog you are helping your wife make his life hell. If you can't stand up for him, rehome him to someone who will give him the love and attention he deserves. It's not an ideal solution but it may be better for him.

Your wife is out of order and i agree that maybe there are other issues behind this.

I wish you luck.

[Clancy]

I think Tony's point about the subconcious anger being channeled through her dislike of your dog is right on. I had the same problem with my wife and my dog but at the time I knew the real problem was my drinking. Now that I don't drink and the old dog is dead, I have a new dog and she doesn't complain about him at all.

 

I'd bet any money that your wife is harbouring a pretty serious level of resentment against you for some reason which only developed after marriage. Perhaps you don't put your dirty socks in the laundry hamper the way she likes I don't know but it's something.

 

She's a dog lover herself so it's unlikely, I think, that she would suddenly turn against the dog for personal reasons against the dog. It's you my friend. Counselling seems to be in order if you are ever going to find out what the problem is.

[km82794]

I have the magnet on my refridgerator....

 

Husband and dog Missing, reward for finding the dog. Enough said!

 

Poor pooch, give him a hug for me!!!

[SudieJD]

My hubby and I are both animal lovers. We both had quite a menagerie when we met. He with two cats, me with 5. I had just lost my beloved "Nicki", an Alaskan Malamute. I was fortunate to have him in my life for 16 years. I was so heartbroken by his death that I couldn't see having another dog in my life. Just recently, 7 months ago, I lost my 20 year old cat Timmy O'Brian. He was more Nicki's cat while Nick was still here. I still cry over his leaving and miss him so much. My hubby was more upset by his passing then me, if you can imagine that. He buried Tim on a hill and put up a small grave stone with flowers for him. I can see his grave everyday. And everyday, I say "Hi Timmy" to him.

 

My hubby knew how much having animals around meant to me. I was raised on a farm and had my own horse ranch at one time. Shortly after our wedding, he wanted me to go for a ride with him, a nice long ride. When we arrived at the farm, I noticed quite a few Malamutes around. Yep, he took me there to get me a new puppy. Ted E. Bear is his chosen name and a year after he came to live with us we found our female Mal, Hon E. Bear. We have had 3 litters from them and have kept 4 of their puppies. We now have 6 friendly, happy, healthy Mals.

 

I don't know what I would do without my beloved pets. If hubby would have said "don't like dogs", he wouldn't't have made it past first base with me. If he had even shown one bit of not wanting an animal around, he'd have been history. I believe how a human treat animals is a window to their souls. What if you have children and she treats one better than the other? It happens, it happened to me and my sisters after my mom died and my dad remarried.

 

Think about it.

 

SudieJD