What are your thoughts on forgiveness?

[andysw]

What are your thoughts on forgiveness? Do you believe it's a good thing? Do you think it's a thing in letting the person off the hook? Do you ever forgive someone?

[Adunaphel]

What are your thoughts on forgiveness? Do you believe it's a good thing? Do you think it's a thing in letting the person off the hook? Do you ever forgive someone?

 

Agnostics and atheists are also welcome to comment.

 

I am not much of a Catholic - more on the agnostic side.

I think forgiving benefits the person who forgives as much - if not more - as the one who is forgiven. I believe that in many case forgiving goes side with side with moving on. It will be easier to forgive if you have moved on; it will be easier to move on if you have forgiven.

 

I also advocate the right *not* to forgive if one chooses so. One should not feel pressured to forgive, nor should feel like a bad person if he/she dos not feel like forgiving. And you should never *expect* to be forgiven for something you did.

 

Pretending to have forgiven while waiting for the first chance to get back at the person is IMO pure hypocrisy.

[quankanne]

if you want peace in your life, it's a must. Forgiving someone doesn't mean giving them carte blanche to hurt you again, but it means you're letting go of a particular incident in which that person hurt you, yet remembering the lesson from it.

 

I think people see those who forgive as weaklings, but it's the greatest act of strength a person undertakes because he or she is looking past hurt, revenge, anger, etc, to move forward. Which, to me, is a lot harder than wallowing in that hurt, revenge, anger, etc, because the ball is in MY court, so to speak.

 

as Adunaphel posts, there's got to be a genuine desire behind the act of forgiveness, otherwise it's more of a lie tied to that one event.

[andysw]

What are your thoughts on forgiveness? Do you believe it's a good thing? Do you think it's a thing in letting the person off the hook? Do you ever forgive someone?

 

Just to clarify that I'm not asking what forgiveness is because that I don't know.

 

I'm just interested in opinions.

[Eve]

What are your thoughts on forgiveness? Do you believe it's a good thing? Do you think it's a thing in letting the person off the hook? Do you ever forgive someone?

 

I believe in forgiveness, though I think it is a difficult thing to do. I have read inspirational accounts where I am unsure that I could forgive in a simular circumstance. For example, I read about a Lady who stood up in Court and told the person who had killed her teenager in some kind of gang initiation that she was going to 'kill him' and then proceeded to visit him every week in prison until he knew what real love was. She even took him into her own home after his release and now he is remorseful for his actions and is a fit member of society. So she really did 'kill' the darker side to who he was .. I am not sure that I have the strength to do precisely what she did ...

 

I forgave my abusive stepdad and asked God to give him signs towards how his behaviours affect others and to Bless him with a longer life in order for him to really experience a newness of life. He has greatly changed over the last 15 years. I also forgave my Husbands ex Wife who is a supreme bitch who really needs to die.. right now. BUT, I do feel that by forgiving her we are far more aware of her games and can ensure that my Husbands children see beyond her 'activities'. They are really settled young people now because of such a perspective. I feel strongly that the eldest boy in particular could have ended up as a psycho if we had not put an emotional and practical stop to matters by acting in a manner which assumes that we are no better than her in human terms and that all people fall short of knowing the right way to behave sometimes BUT there is a right way to behave.. They (as well as my children) now are not stumped when problems arise but look to higher sources of resolving problem situations. This does involve letting the other person know how you feel and I am glad that we have found a way to enable them to voacalise their side of issues without being overcome by the issue at hand.

 

I must add that I have only found such strength via my faith. Whereever I have not had the strength to really practise forgiveness I have solemly prayed privately to God about the whole situation and my feelings of hatred etc... (I have prayed often about my Husbands ex because we have another 2 years of her antics to go until my Husbands youngest boy turns 18. Oh, the stunts which she pulls... Thats a total of nearly 12 years hard labour we have to complete before that bitch is gone.. forever) I dont know.. I think that forgiveness is the key if one believes that a higher sense of control and humility will come about. BUT, I think that this was only relevant because the last thing I ever wanted was to behave in a simular way to anyone who is hurtful or neglectful - so it worked for me. Through searching for forgiveness I truly do understand why some people kill others who have wronged them. There is nothing worse than being completely innocent and having some idiot making your life hard/abusing you in some way, BUT I do believe that there is an ultimate power within forgiving someone and being able to speak to them with a clear voice and conscience. It is actually VERY powerful indeed.

 

I have led a very Blessed life through some great difficulties and I do believe it is because of the power of forgiveness working out a greater path for me; essentially I have had greater options become available through choosing to forgive. Especially because I was so hurt at certain points that I believe that I had suffered what I call a 'mortal wound'. Meaning that I was pretty ****ed up because of past hurts which had actually damaged me in one way or another..

[ed-205]

I agree 100% with Eve.

There was a time when I suffered from Chronic Repressed Anger, and learning to forgive unconditionally played a huge part in my getting past that. Bearing a grudge for the rest of your life doesn't place a burden on anyone but yourself.

[superd]

Remember forgiveness is forgiveness for others, it has to be selfless.

[djhall]

I may be way off topic here, but I do believe in forgiving people for doing things that were a mistake, a screw up, or uncharacteristic of them. I don't believe in forgiving people for being a jackass.

 

I'm not sure if that does a good job of explaining what I mean.

[Eve]

Remember forgiveness is forgiveness for others, it has to be selfless

 

Meaning what? Can you give practical examples please? I dont understand where you are coming from.

[djhall]

I don't believe in forgiving people for being a jackass.

unless they have actually changed.

[superd]

Well for example, many people hold that it is impossible to forgive yourself because in a sense, in every mistake, there is the reality that there was a part of you that wanted to do it. Therefore, mistakes are only partially mistakes just like accidents are only partially accidents, as scary as that may sound. Therefore, if you are apologizing to get the crap out of your mind or off your conscience it is not a real apology.

 

There real apology comes when you have nothing to gain in saying it, not relief, not anything. You are apologizing because you want to release their heart from the pain that was caused by both of you. For example, if you forgive a person for cheating on you, you do not help yourself forgive yourself or to help the other person forgive themselves. Cheating is a form of irrational sensibility. Therefore, when you apologize to or forgive a person that has cheated on you or that you have cheated on, the apology (something other people rarely know these days) acts as a release mechanism for the realeasement of jealousy and pain that was caused by the "cheating". I don't want to give two much of my secrets away but think of two of the greatest figures that ever lived, Jesus and Socrates. No one has ever been more selfless that these two figures precisely because they knew how to forgive those who punished them "unjustly".

 

P.S. for more on these theories, read "Socrates, Buddha, Confucious, Jesus'' by Karl Jaspers, the famous existentialist philosopher.

[D-Lish]

P.S. for more on these theories, read "Socrates, Buddha, Confucious, Jesus'' by Karl Jaspers, the famous existentialist philosopher.

 

 

The famous last speech of Socrates against those who wished to persecute him was NOT an Apology. It was his defense against those unjustly prosecuting him.

 

"Apology" is a derivative of the Greek word "Apologia"... meaning "explanation" or defense"- not to be confused with apologizing. Which, according to Plato- he did not do (ever...lol). Socrates was concerned with "truth". His final speech as retold by Plato had no hint of forgiveness- only pity and disdain for those who compromised themselves and ignored the truth in order to further their own political agenda.

 

He spent his entire life teaching "the truth" to anyone and everyone who would listen (or in some cases did not wish to listen). He never apologized or asked for forgiveness for his philosophies. He only sought "truth".

 

In a final act of defiance against those who betrayed him, he killed himself and negated the satisfaction of his enemies to publically execute and humiliate him. He never made apologies for his beliefs or publically forgave those who put him on trial.

 

It's a good read- The most entertaining collection of Plato's works are published as "The Dialogues of Plato"...

[D-Lish]

With that out of the way...

 

Personally- I have forgiven a lot of people for various things throughout my life- from the mundane to the profane. A friend snaps at me... an ex husband knocks up another woman while we are married....and various other things in between. Lots of forgiveness.

 

I don't ever buy into the statement "I forgive you, but I will never forget".... that is not true forgiveness, because it's not letting it go.

 

Conversely, I have cut people out of my life that I know are damaging to my well being. I have no plans to forgive any of those people.

 

Religion has no bearing on my motivation to forgive or not forgive.

[mental_traveller]

I don't forgive, I forget.

[Trialbyfire]

What are your thoughts on forgiveness?

 

Forgiveness is a release of negativity for both you and the other person. It doesn't mean in the least, that you have to take them back into your life. If not, you let them be free to do whatever they need to do with their lives.

 

Do you believe it's a good thing?

 

Very much so.

 

Do you think it's a thing in letting the person off the hook?

 

That's not for you to control. If you forgive someone, there's no guarantee that they can forgive themselves.

 

Do you ever forgive someone?

 

Yes, I have forgiven people, even the person who's caused the greatest hurt in my life. It doesn't mean I can't enjoy a little discomfort at his expense though.

 

The older I get, the easier it is to forgive. Just let it go, if at all possible. Sometimes, people don't want to be forgiven or let go, so they continue harbouring their personal resentments, jealousies, envies or spitefulness. Not much you can do about people like that except ignore them unless you're feeling cranky, then turn and take their heads off once in awhile.

[GPFan]

What are your thoughts on forgiveness? Do you believe it's a good thing? Do you think it's a thing in letting the person off the hook? Do you ever forgive someone?

In releasing someone else through forgiveness, I release myself. I free myself that always feels good.

[Taramere]

To me, forgiving someone is an act of understanding and accepting that they have flaws. When people can be very honest with themselves - and then honest with me and others (about their flaws, how those flaws impact on their behaviour and how they're going to try to address it to improve themselves as people), I find it pretty much impossible not to forgive them.

 

If someone hurts me in what feels like a deliberate or reckless way, and refuses to tell me what their motive was, or presents one that sounds flippant, shallow or dubious (eg "I behave that way because I can. Hahaha. Aren't I cool!") then I'll tend to analyse their behaviour and the context myself and then ascribe motives. Usually ones that encourage me to have a very low opinion of the person I'm ascribing motives to. That's when forgiveness is more difficult...unless, obviously, the culprit is a child, in which case a juvenile and undeveloped "because I felt like it" explanation for offensive behaviour calls for a bit of calmly dispensed discipline and guidance.

 

If an adult I've had conflict with gives me a poor explanation like that, or doesn't bother with an explanation at all, I won't forgive them. I'll just write them off unless/until they show signs of having grown up a bit. If they manage to do the latter, then I don't find it hard to forgive. I've been hurt by people, but there have also been times I was the one doing the hurting or disappointing. None of us are innocent victims...but I know I learned precisely nothing from the people who wrote me off regardless of my attempts to make amends. I suppose I just wrote them off in return. My heroes and heroines tend to be the people who can deal with disappointment, hurt and conflict...and salvage friendships that have featured those things.

[Riley Freeman]

What are your thoughts on forgiveness? Do you believe it's a good thing? Do you think it's a thing in letting the person off the hook? Do you ever forgive someone?

 

forgiveness is for yourself not the other person........your letting them go off the hook, so you dont hold the grudge