isn Posted September 28, 2008 Share Posted September 28, 2008 9/6/2008 My wife and I were married for three years. We always fought and we were never happy. But I still love her. She came with her parents and took all her things. We came to the agreement that she wants space and then will see how things are. I am seeing a counsellor and have changed my life in positive ways so I can give her something to come back to. She has not book a counsellar yet, its been over week since she said so. She is going to be starting school next week so that will occupy most of her time. She is in another city with her parents. She is going out to dinner and stuff with friends. Should I keep making these changes, and expect that she will as well. My counsellar said to wait and give her space. 9/19 My wife moved into her parents house, which is few hours away. As of right now, she says that things are at a stand still and she has made no descion either way. She needs her space so she can focus on her schooling. I am seeing a counsellar who says to give her space. I am an obsessive phone caller, but am working on that. Both our parents have talked and after her dad speaking rudely to my dad, and me giving her dad both sides of the story, I guess they came to the descison that "things cant be rushed". I have been adivsed not call her, and then to make a call and ask where things stand, even if thats a month from now.. The counsellar said I need to give that, and I could only last a day maximum. Now the plan is to give her two, three, maybe four weeks of no contact. Then I will come to her house, (which is four hours away), to show her that I have taken positive steps and then see what she will say. BAsically I am going to have to try to win her back. What do you guys think? 09/25 I just dont know....its been six days since we had contact. She text me to say that she wants authorization to change cell phone plans. so I called her and we talked for 1.5 hours. I told her about my feelings, I cried etc...she really didnt say anything about hers. She did cry when I talked about the dogs, cuz they were important to her. She wants her cellphone under her name, so she can learn how to be responsible for things, and not depend on people. I told her that this is wrong, because it is another cut at any ties we have left. So the cellphone is now under her name, she will have to pay for it. I told her, that I am still her husband and am not wanting her to pay cuz she is not working and in school..... Does she want to explore her independence? Or am I loosing her even more... Link to post Share on other sites
lonelyandfrustrated Posted September 29, 2008 Share Posted September 29, 2008 If you always fought and were never happy, just what is it that you hope to hold onto, dear? I think she took off because of the fighting and unhappiness, not to 'explore her independence'. Link to post Share on other sites
PWSX3 Posted September 29, 2008 Share Posted September 29, 2008 9/6/2008 I am seeing a counselor and have changed my life in positive ways so I can give her something to come back to. Should I keep making these changes, and expect that she will as well. You don't change for her, you change for you!!! If you feel you needed to change then it doesn't matter if you get back together with her or you move on and meet someone else, you need to do the changes so you can be a better person. You changing is great but you can't just change overnight & if you can it is so easy to fall back into the old ways. (been there done that;)) Give her the space like they say, work on yourself & that is all you can do. Link to post Share on other sites
ilmw Posted September 29, 2008 Share Posted September 29, 2008 You don't change for her, you change for you!!! If you feel you needed to change then it doesn't matter if you get back together with her or you move on and meet someone else, you need to do the changes so you can be a better person. You changing is great but you can't just change overnight & if you can it is so easy to fall back into the old ways. (been there done that;)) Give her the space like they say, work on yourself & that is all you can do. I would not have said much different than what PW above has said... What I will tell is this... The more you whine to her... call her over and over and over again... I believe you said "obsessive " The more you peruse her.... the more she will be pushed away.... Old French saying.. "the more you persist... the greater they will resist" in saying all this.... as a prior poster said... If all you two did was fight... why would you want to be with her again...??? How were you happy in that environment??? Change for you... not for her... you don't change for anyone else....cause those changes will not last... and you will just be back to where you were before.... but will just look like a lieing jackass.. who made a bunch of promises... that you could not keep;) and..... any change you make (for YOU) can and will not happen over night... it takes time.... THERE IS NO QUICK FIX! ilmw Link to post Share on other sites
makinitmine Posted September 30, 2008 Share Posted September 30, 2008 I think that it's good that you have made changes, but as others have said do it for yourself. Your story sounds a lot like mine in some aspects and unfortunately mine didn't end in a good way (I came to realize that she found this new "lifestyle" and wasn't going to change so I packed my stuff up and moved out and started the divorce process). But if there were problems in your guys' marriage then I think there's things that both of you needed to work on because it is rarely ever one sided as to why problems exist in marriages and if you're the only one working at it and getting help then I honestly don't think much is going to change. Link to post Share on other sites
husbndinthemaking Posted October 3, 2008 Share Posted October 3, 2008 You are looking really needy to her right now and causing her to push you away. Not good. Check out zaxxes.com for help. Good luck to you. Link to post Share on other sites
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