My wife is not "in" love with me anymore

[deanner1393]

Just a few days ago I expressed to my wife, who is out of town in school until december. that I am Insacure about her finding someone else and losing her. she responded that she loves me. but she doesnt think she is "in" love with me anymore. I wont see her until the 2nd of oct. She says we need to talk. it cant be done over the phone. so i assume its gets worse. she has stated that there is no one else. and she has not cheated, and does not know why she feels this way.

she says she wants to try to fix it. she doesnt want to throw away 8 yrs together. but she keeps telling me that there is a good chance that we cant fix the problems

 

I am scared and don't want to lose my wife.

 

Anyone got some advice

[luvstarved]

Yes, marriage counseling, most likely...getting honest, at least.

MC can be tricky because you do have to find someone good and practitioners in mental health can have perfectly healthy careers while operating at about a D- grade level. When they are A or B level, though, they can be immensely helpful.

 

Your wife needs to clarify her feelings. Is this something she feels she has "lost" or...maybe never had??? She would not want to admit it, and surely you would not want to hear it, but if it is the truth, then it is best to admit it now for both of your sakes.

 

I feel very strongly that if it is "lost" then it could just be a normal marital lull that can be revived and overcome with some effort. ANY successful marriage has ups and downs and requires some work...

 

But, if "it" was never really sincerely there for her, then it probably never will be and it is probably a matter of time before she discovers "it" elsewhere.

 

I hate to sound so cut and dry about it, but this has been my personal experience as well as that of pretty much everyone I know. A few people can carry on appeased in a relationship that never had a true spark/chemistry/"je ne sais quoi" for them...but most of what you will hear is that it is a necessary component for long term success.

 

So, I would try to answer that question first and foremost. I think her reaction to your even asking it will tell you something...

 

Good luck.

[DealingWDrama]

The Five Love Languages by Gary Smalley...google it..there is a video on there that can help you and your wife. If you both are willing to work on things...it can happen...good luck.

[Mr. Lucky]

Just a few days ago I expressed to my wife, who is out of town in school until december. that I am Insacure about her finding someone else and losing her. she responded that she loves me. but she doesnt think she is "in" love with me anymore. I wont see her until the 2nd of oct. She says we need to talk. it cant be done over the phone. so i assume its gets worse. she has stated that there is no one else. and she has not cheated, and does not know why she feels this way.

she says she wants to try to fix it. she doesnt want to throw away 8 yrs together. but she keeps telling me that there is a good chance that we cant fix the problems

 

I am scared and don't want to lose my wife.

 

Anyone got some advice

I'd bet dollars to donuts that your wife's feelings are confused due to her atrraction to another person. She's involved in either a crush, an EA or a PA. The "love you, not in love with you" reflects her conflict and pull between the two relationships. Were it me, I'd make haste to her location and talk to her about what's going on. You can't deal with the issues unless you know the truth and your physical separation allows her to continue to weigh her options. Good luck and keep us posted...

 

Mr. Lucky

[imagine]

"That" line "I love you but..." is one of the classic markers that signify an affair. Snoop! Expose where necessary. Get rid of the poison before healing the body.