Am I insecure or is my fiance wrong?

[Chitowngirl]

Hi All,

This is my first post here but I need input on recent situations with my fiance. Background info: We've been together 10 months, living together for 4 months, engaged for 2 weeks. He is 34, I'm 25. We have a very wonderful relationship, but there is one thing about him that makes me wonder if he's the one for me. He prides himself on being known as "The Nice Guy," the guy who will drop everything to help anyone, including his ex's which he has done twice in our relationship. He is also a flirt and loves attention. 2 months into our relationship he went behind my back and helped his ex dig out her car in the snow (she stalked us on our first few dates and had slept with my boyfriend two days before he met me, though they broke up 1.5 years before that), then 4 weeks ago his ex from 12 years ago (who he says is the only other woman he wanted to marry except me) calls him at 2AM asking for advice on what clubs to go to in Chicago (granted she is married to a dentist, has two kids and lives in Iowa).

Today: My fiance's newly single (he ended his engagement a few months ago) guy friend (who I really like as a person but he does sleep around a lot and went home with a married women a few weeks ago) spent the weekend at our condo. Today they wanted to go watch football at bars, and since I hate football I told my fiance he can go w/out me, though he did invite me. My fiance is a very light drinker but his friend is a huge drinker, so I told my fiance I'd pick him up when he wanted out. I expected his call to come 2 hours later begging me to rescue him...no. Every passing hour his response was "We're okay..check back in an hour." I knew something was weird b/c he is not a drinker and can't spend more than a few hours with the same person. My fiance was very kind and was texting me and calling me about every few hours and sent me a picture of a bag pipe player at the last bar they were at. 8 hours pass and I tell my fiance I'm picking him up. He agrees but says, "If you want me to stay out later I will." I thought that was odd..so I pick him up and he's hammered. He tells me Mike is staying at the bar because he met some women. He then tells me they met a group (4) women in their 40s at a bar earlier in the day and the women invited them to ride to the next bar(s) in their limo. My fiance and Mike agreed.

My fiance said he did not cheat on me tonight, though I am very upset by the fact he was chatting with women for so long that they felt comfortable enough to invite him along in their limo.

Is this normal? Do I have a right to feel like my trust has been broken? I was home cooking, cleaning, going to the gym for the 2nd time that day and he was out flirting with women and getting free rides in their limo.

How do I handle this? He has been passed out snoring and farting since 9pm. It's 1:30am and I still can't sleep Please help me.

[GPFan]

Sounds like he had quite the night out. Keep an eye on him and if his new behaviour persists, then it might be time to have a serious talk.

 

Give him a pass on this one time but let him know you are keeping an eye on things.

[Geishawhelk]

You can't, on the other hand, complain that you were at home doing the nice little mrs wife bit, but he was out having a good time, when you say earlier on that he did invite you, but you'd declined.....

It was your choice to stay at home, so you can't put that on him...

Maybe if you'd gone with him, it wouldn't have turned out that way, huh?

 

I think it's a mix of two trhings here....

he's got no baggage, it seems, so it's making you feel a bit threatened and insecure that he's not putting you first, which does seem to be the case. (Though heck, it's not as if he went completely incommunicado all evening.....)

 

I think you may have some issues of trust, insecurity and self-esteem that you might need to have a look at.

 

You guys need to talk.

 

Really.

You do.

 

Men aren't psychic.

 

Neither are women.

Whatever hunches and feelings people get, they're never 100% bang-on.

 

So - talk!

[I Luv the Chariot OH]

We've been together 10 months ... He prides himself on being known as "The Nice Guy," the guy who will drop everything to help anyone, including his ex's which he has done twice in our relationship ... 2 months into our relationship he went behind my back ... then 4 weeks ago his ex from 12 years ago ...

There is no smiley that appropriately conveys my feelings after reading this, so I have to make one through text: O_o???

 

Also: do you really need to "check in" on a 30-something year old man every hour?

 

You said you already know he's a flirt (although it's questionable what you actually know about someone in such a short period of time), so accept it or perhaps marry somebody else?