spud24 Posted August 21, 2003 Share Posted August 21, 2003 my girlfriend and i have been going out for about 7 monthes. There have been some good times and some bad times, but i really dig her and ifeel that she is my best friend as well. I do have a busy work shcedule although as of late i ve had some time off. Last saturday she told me that one of her good friends was showing up to see her. She spoke highly of him but i didnt mind because i trust her. We had a fun day on sunday and then she said she was tired so we went to our own homes beacause we dont live together. Later that night i was supposed to catch up with her but we didnt manage to hook up because she was with some friends including this guy (lets call him geoff). I went home and went to bed. The next morning i phoned her but we still didnt manage to see each other and when i phoned her that night she said she was at a barbeque with some other friends and that she had to go. then on tues day she finally phoned me again and said that she wants to be alone, that she doesnt want to be me and that she has felt that way for a while. she had been hanging out with some friends including geoff and she said that she needed a change. I have asked her why she wants to break up with me, what have i done. She said that i am a great guy and that i ve done nothing wrong, she just feels that im just a friend and has even gone so far as to say that she loves me as a person. Bear in mind that i sleep at her place every single night and that we saw each other every day. However i havent even seen her for three days now and she told me these things over the phone. Anyhow she said that she needed a change in her life and that she was going to move and go to school. I trust her but i feel that she has a thing for this guy. i called her tonight and she sair\d that she wsnt going to be around. Then she called later to talk and said that she had been out looking at the stars in a rowboat with geoff. I have not asked her if she has a thing for him, but every time we talk now she says that its not my fault that she doesnt want to be with me and that we can still be friends we just cant be a couple. What is going on? I fear for the worst. Link to post Share on other sites
bryanp Posted August 21, 2003 Share Posted August 21, 2003 Hello, My guess would certainly be that she has been sexually involved with this other guy. From what you said it simply does not make sense otherwise. You said you have been sleeping with her everynight until she goes to meet with this guy and you cannot get in tough with her for days and she then breaks up with you. You call and she tells you she has been looking at the stars in a rowboat with this guy. Do you think they were talking about the situation in Iraq during this time? The bottom line is she hooked up with this guy like you suspected and dumped you for him. This is life. I would suggest that you do not run after her for it will only push her away further. You should think about seeing someone else in the future. I wish you luck. Link to post Share on other sites
MarieW Posted August 21, 2003 Share Posted August 21, 2003 Sorry but I do agree with bryanp. It all sounds extremely dodgy. There is a small chance that she isn't seeing this guy but you do need to ask her. Just be prepared for the worst. She needs to know that you know because you aren't a fool! There are other ladies out there who are more worthy of your trust. Good Luck! Link to post Share on other sites
spud24 Posted August 21, 2003 Share Posted August 21, 2003 I appreciate you comments but now what do i do? I cant believe (or dont wantto believe) that she would leave me for another guy. Although she hasnt made her reasons clear, she has made her wishes, so i am going to move on. I just dont know now if i want to be her friend or not, and it bugs me not knowing if shes with that other guy or not. Im afraid to ask her because i know she ll get mad and probably drive me further away, but i cant help but be bothered about being in the dark. Link to post Share on other sites
Skylark_Mesa Posted August 26, 2003 Share Posted August 26, 2003 tell her to go to hell for treating you like a doormat and keep yourself occupied so you don't think about her or try to call her. Easier said than done I know, but if you really want her to come back realizing she's been a bitch that is what you'll have to do. If you talk to her don't be long-winded. Act like you could care less what is going on, even if that is not the case. You are too wrapped up in this girl, and her actions are in reaction to this. She knows how much you like her and NEED her. This lowers her interest level in you because you are no longer a challenge to her. Don't tolerate this, because if you do she will lose all respect for you as a person. You must show her that you are strong and will stand up for yourself, and that your self-respect will not let you tolerate such behavior. She's got some growing up to do so let her figure that out by herself. Soon she will realize what a stupid mistake it was to take you for granted. Good luck!!!! Link to post Share on other sites
Goatsbreath Posted August 31, 2003 Share Posted August 31, 2003 You have the right to ask her if shes seeing this guy if you want to. I mean, the two of you were spending nights together and whatever else- you had a relationship. It dont mean she will tell you the truth but does her answer really matter. Think about it. You already know her wishes as you said. She wants to break up. Period.... So what difference does the answer mean. The best thing for you to do is to immediately cut yourself out of her life. Besides, in all honesty- deep down inside you know the answer. Its so very obvious. Also, did you say this guy is just around for a bit. Thats the impression I got. If so, definately do not take her back if the minute hes gone she comes crawling up to your door step. Dont lower yourself into those shoes OK. Take comfort in knowing that there is plenty of people in situations similar to yours (including me) and walk away strong knowing your one of us....ha ha. Link to post Share on other sites
radix Posted April 3, 2004 Share Posted April 3, 2004 Sorry brah you seem a decent bloke but ur blinghind yourself from the truth with denial. if shes not cheating?cheated on you this guy is gay. Those are the 2 options. Sorry buddy. been there done that, and i wish you the best. Link to post Share on other sites
priscilla Posted April 3, 2004 Share Posted April 3, 2004 Sorry spud. That really sucks. She should have at least had the decency to tell you in person and tell you why. Don't be friends with her though, you will have a harder time getting over her. Find out what you want to know and rid her from your life. Link to post Share on other sites
Evo Posted April 3, 2004 Share Posted April 3, 2004 Sorry you had to go through this, but I suppose most of us have to deal with something like this once or twice in our lives (myself included). The best advice I could give you would be to cut your losses and move on. Think about it - why waste your time sweating over what happened when you could be enjoying yourself with someone new, someone who wants to be with you? I wasted months being upset and trying to get to the bottom of what really happened with an ex of mine. In that time, I could've spent time with someone who doesn't do stuff like that to people! So, bottom line - move on. It might seem hard now, but trust me and the millions of others who have been there -it gets better. Spend your time doing fun things with friends. Eventually you will find someone that wants to be with you as much as you want to be with them. You're too good a person to waste your time on such a rude and undeserving person! Link to post Share on other sites
i love him but.... Posted April 6, 2004 Share Posted April 6, 2004 Originally posted by spud24 my girlfriend and i have been going out for about 7 monthes. There have been some good times and some bad times, but i really dig her and ifeel that she is my best friend as well. I do have a busy work shcedule although as of late i ve had some time off. Last saturday she told me that one of her good friends was showing up to see her. She spoke highly of him but i didnt mind because i trust her. We had a fun day on sunday and then she said she was tired so we went to our own homes beacause we dont live together. Later that night i was supposed to catch up with her but we didnt manage to hook up because she was with some friends including this guy (lets call him geoff). I went home and went to bed. The next morning i phoned her but we still didnt manage to see each other and when i phoned her that night she said she was at a barbeque with some other friends and that she had to go. then on tues day she finally phoned me again and said that she wants to be alone, that she doesnt want to be me and that she has felt that way for a while. she had been hanging out with some friends including geoff and she said that she needed a change. I have asked her why she wants to break up with me, what have i done. She said that i am a great guy and that i ve done nothing wrong, she just feels that im just a friend and has even gone so far as to say that she loves me as a person. Bear in mind that i sleep at her place every single night and that we saw each other every day. However i havent even seen her for three days now and she told me these things over the phone. Anyhow she said that she needed a change in her life and that she was going to move and go to school. I trust her but i feel that she has a thing for this guy. i called her tonight and she sair\d that she wsnt going to be around. Then she called later to talk and said that she had been out looking at the stars in a rowboat with geoff. I have not asked her if she has a thing for him, but every time we talk now she says that its not my fault that she doesnt want to be with me and that we can still be friends we just cant be a couple. What is going on? I fear for the worst. aww im sorry to here that im having a little trouble with my love right now. but i think she has fallin for this "geoff" person and mabey feels like shes "in love" and he might be playing her andtelling her wut she wants to here ... to make her think he wants to be with her but give it time once it dont work out with them shes gonna feel stupid and lonely and try to get back with you. and my best advice is dont take her back. u deserve better.......trust me..... Link to post Share on other sites
faux Posted April 6, 2004 Share Posted April 6, 2004 She ended the relationship, and as difficult as it is going to be you must begin to move on now. Do not buy her "wanting to be friends with you" speech. She most likely does not mean it. If you do attempt to remain friends with her things will only get more complicated, and you will only deepen your wounds. She owes you an explanation, and to me it seems that she has, and will continue to skirt around the issue. I do not feel that she provided you with any reasons as to why she ended things with you. It sounds as though she is attempting to spare your feelings, which will ultimately make things worse on the both of you. Distance yourself from her as much as possible. Do not communicate with her in any way, or allow her to initiate contact. You deserve an actual explanation, but it does not appear that you are going to get one. I would not recommend that you try to get an explanation until quite a bit of time has passed. Link to post Share on other sites
CaliFever Posted April 6, 2004 Share Posted April 6, 2004 You said what I would have said, although I dont neccesarily believe that she has been with this Geoff guy. Sounds like she is young and maybe the whole thing was getting to heavy. Maybe she just wanted to be with her friends and you were calling alot and it made her realize that it was too much. The best way to deal with it is to not even call her. As silly as it sounds, this is the number one way to see if she is even remotly interested in you. I dont think you really need an explanation becuase she already explained it to you by saying that she "wants to be alone, that she doesnt want to be me and that she has felt that way for a while." If you haven't slept with her since, it shouldn't really matter if she cheated with Geoff. That is just your insecurities gnawing at you. If she wants to come back, THEN she owes you and explanation. Whatever she says may affect the outcome of your decision to get back with her. Good Luck, Stay Strong Link to post Share on other sites
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