That Obscure Object of Desire, II

[Dominique]

Hello all,

 

Some of you may remember a story of mine from earlier in the year. It had to do with a classic friends-to-lovers (briefly) that went bust between myself--a sane, tall, lovely, university professor(38)-- and a friend of almost a decade: a man who is 14 years my senior, also a professor and Ph D...That is, two mature adults. Neither of us is married.

 

To recap briefly, we met about 9 years ago, I was coming out of a broken engagement, he was unattached but my heart was blocked. We hit it off immediately on every level--intellectually, culturally, in terms of humor, politically, and there was much physical attraction. We did not "cross lines" until about three years later, before I moved to the other side of the country. This did not result in a relationship of any sort, which disappointed me, and I kept away--far away--until he came looking via email eager to restart a friendship. I was then involved with someone so I was wary, but the friendship nonetheless re-blossomed because we just click on many levels.

 

I should add here that he was married and divorced (within a year and a half) ages ago, and is someone who is very wary, withdrawn. He has had no other major, serious relationships but much family loss, tragedy, difficulty, so there might be certain "issues". But human is human, and often in the back of my mind I wondered if we might eventually harmonize.

 

We have excellent sexual chemistry, I must say, the buzz of which has always floated in and out of my mind.

 

All this said, last year I saw him again. I was just coming out of a relationship that lasted about four years to a man in whom I was in love. There was a break from this other man, and I saw the man I am talking about now, and it went well...until it went south. I confessed strong feelings for him, this was reciprocated....and "like that" then coldly rejected. This left me totally confused. I went away and stayed away for about eight months. I did not resume things with the other, four year relationship.

 

Now eight months later after total silence with one another--happily so for me as I went onto a very concentrated, productive time in my life--I decided to write to him, but in a very reserved, nice way about resuming "friendship" but keeping it platonic. I wrote just a light, small email, somewhat "shy" in tone. It was honest, heartful, but of course careful

 

Well, he responded with such force, and relief and happiness it took me somewhat aback. He was eager to not only resume our friendship but to see me, asking when I was going back to Massachusettes (where we met, where he is from. I am in California). Not only this but he called me, within the space of a week of that email, about four times--I just happened to be here or there when his calls came, and now he wants to talk tonight. It is funny really, because his coldness of more than a half of a year earlier was something that cut quite a wound in my heart. That is when I first wrote here, actually.

 

My question is: what is up, and how do I "handle" the call. Naturally I have strong feelings for him, but how do I read his enthusiastic response? Keep in mind that we are 3000 miles from each other, that this has never been a sexual friendship of any regularity whatsoever, so I do not think that it has much to do with "that" in his mind's eye. Also, our last exchanges were terse, many months have gone by, and I wrote this time, just some days ago, clearly stating that we keep things between us just friendly, no quotes around the word. But that I miss the depth of our exchanges, he agreed.

 

Nonetheless I desire him. However I do not want to be burned.

 

Any thoughts on what his thinking process might be? This is a serious man who is clear, self protective and not one to "lead on". His enthusiasm was a bit of a surprise for me. Is there anything "there" or am I reading to much into it?

 

Many thanks in advance to anyone who might take the time to reply

 

Dom