Is a relationship possible?

[livinlovin]

Three weeks ago, I found out that my boyfriend was an alcoholic. From what he tells me, I think he has also been dealing with bouts of depression (or maybe the two are interconnected).

 

Since he told me, he hasn't had a drink. To keep his focus off of alcohol, he has tried to keep himself busy with work, running, or video games. I'm proud of him for not having a drink in three weeks, but I feel like he's still avoiding the problems that got him here. He tried going to AA, didn't like it. I knew the "higher power" stuff wouldn't sit well with him. Now he is trying to find a good counselor.

 

The problem is, I feel like a selfish b**ch, but I am having a hard time with his entire focus being on running as a means to get him out of this. I don't feel like a relationship is possible in this situation. Even though I love him, I feel like right now I am giving, giving, giving and getting nothing in return. I know his focus is on his recovery (or abstinence for now, as I don't think he's quite "recovering" yet). I love him and want to be there for him, but part of me is thinking that I am wasting my time and that this one-sidedness is what our relationship has turned out to be and what it will be for good.

 

Has anyone been through this? Is a relationship possible in this situation? I tried going to Al-anon to get more info on what he's going through, but I didn't identify with the group very well as I don't feel very dependent on my bf.

[You'reasian]

Never been an alcoholic, more of a weekend party drinker in the past but it looks like your man is taking up a healthy alternative. Good on him.

 

Check out runnersworld.com

[Lizzie60]

Three weeks ago, I found out that my boyfriend was an alcoholic. From what he tells me, I think he has also been dealing with bouts of depression (or maybe the two are interconnected).

 

Since he told me, he hasn't had a drink. To keep his focus off of alcohol, he has tried to keep himself busy with work, running, or video games. I'm proud of him for not having a drink in three weeks, but I feel like he's still avoiding the problems that got him here. He tried going to AA, didn't like it. I knew the "higher power" stuff wouldn't sit well with him. Now he is trying to find a good counselor.

 

The problem is, I feel like a selfish b**ch, but I am having a hard time with his entire focus being on running as a means to get him out of this. I don't feel like a relationship is possible in this situation. Even though I love him, I feel like right now I am giving, giving, giving and getting nothing in return. I know his focus is on his recovery (or abstinence for now, as I don't think he's quite "recovering" yet). I love him and want to be there for him, but part of me is thinking that I am wasting my time and that this one-sidedness is what our relationship has turned out to be and what it will be for good.

 

Has anyone been through this? Is a relationship possible in this situation? I tried going to Al-anon to get more info on what he's going through, but I didn't identify with the group very well as I don't feel very dependent on my bf.

 

It's hard for us to say whether you're wasting your time or not..

 

My only advice: listen to your 'inner voice'.. if she's telling you that you're wasting your time.. chances are YOU ARE..

 

My first ex was, IMO, an alcoholic.. but he never admitted it.. he got drunk once in a while.. he was drinking every single night.. he was buying a big bottle every week... we had a few fights re his dependancy but since he never admitted he was alcoholic... there was nothing I could do to change that. I just ran out of patience and left.. (but this wasn't the only reason). Did I waste my time.. I think so!

[soonerlove]

My boyfriend is an alcoholic. We have been together for over a year. Last December he went to rehab and when he came out he was sober for 3 months. Then he started drinking again. Since that time it has been a roller coaster. Sometimes, usually when he's not drinking as much, things are great, and we're great. But other times its terrible. I felt the same way as you when he was in recovery. He would be so busy and I felt so selfish because I wanted him to pay attention to me. I tried Al-anon meetings too, but I didn't relate either. I always felt like if I really wanted to I could just leave him, except for the fact that I love him.

 

Anyway, to answer your question, being in a relationship with an alcoholic is hard. It's a constant struggle. Most alcoholics relapse, alot of them several times. Also, alcoholics are selfish people. They lie and only think about their own feelings. They don't realize how much they hurt those around them. So it's up to you if you think you can stick it out with him. I'm not even sure if I can stick it out with mine...but I wish you the best of luck. Just be sure to take care of yourself throughout the entire process. Encourage him and love him to the best of your ability, but don't forget about yourself.