Beautiful people and lonliness

[oldguy]

Wow, I never thought of myself as being above average until now, lol. Why is it that no one ever asks these questions about average or less than average people?

 

I have to comment on this; Maybe its her personality but I do not find Paris Hilton the least bit attractive. About the only thing she’s got going for her is daddy’s money.

 

I agree, if she wasn’t Paris Hilton she would be attractive. guess money can’t buy everything.

[Geneva]

Well, George, had you read the post you'd have read she's about as far as Paris Hilton as possible. She's a very kind, polite person who doesn't flaunt her money (actually, I'd say most of her money she earns goes to that insane cardboard box New York calls an 'apartment') and is passionate about people. She has a wonderful personality, she just has trouble finding men who don't want to use her as arm candy or friends who don't want to be friends with her because of her job.

[Meaplus3]

More often than not I've heard many above-average people talking about how lonely they are and it has me thinking: Why are above-average people often so lonely?

 

I'm not talking about just good-looking and completely vapid Paris Hilton Wanna-Bes. I'm talking about good looking people who are very polite, kind to others, have goals for their lives, are educated and interesting people. Why is it they are always seem to be so lonely? Why is it they always seem to have the most problems getting a serious relationship or anyone interested? Why do people often blow them off when they try to talk to them?

 

What is it about them that makes general society seem to shun them?

 

Could be that some are simply intimidated by their looks.

 

AP:)

[Whey2Big4u]

well ill tell you from my piont of view. Growing up i wasnt the most attractive, in fact i was made fun of ALOT and brutalized.

 

come college I came into my own and until recently i realized how good looking i am. Im not model material but I am handsome....so ive been told

 

I still have the mentality as though i am still ugly and made fun of and it messes me up.

 

I am quite lonely myself, and thats due to twi things. One is that im shy. again witht ementality that im not good looking. And two is from what ive been told is that i can be intimidating to walk up to.

 

I am very accomplished and have done many things and have many unusual hobbies, bonsais, orchids, architecture and so on.

 

You know....I ask myself the saem question why i cant find anyone?

[Whey2Big4u]

As a gorgeous Ph.D, with a size 4 body, super long legs, great body,wits, brains, who is 38 looks 25, and has a cordial, even sweet demeanor, I can tell you that the problem is that others are intimidated.

 

Hence, the gal in question will try to "play herself down" to make the others comfortable. This will eventually wear on her, and she will pull away, not trusting that she can ever be "herself". To just Be. I did this for the longest time and it was the biggest series of mistakes ever.

 

Or, the beauty was once an ugly duckling, and she still has that gawky 15 year old inside, who is never quite sure what to do with the attention she is getting.

 

I have only a handful of good friends and I prefer it that way, so I can give myself wholeheartedly, sincerely. Fake friendships are soul-destroying.

 

PS to the other poster--looks most certainly do not have to "fade" if you take great care of yourself. I see 20 year olds who look heavier and more tired than people 10 years older than I.

 

 

 

I agree!!!!

 

I have frineds in their twenties who look like they are 40. Its wrong. I have frineds in their mid 30's who look like theri in their 20's

[george35]

Well, George, had you read the post you'd have read she's about as far as Paris Hilton as possible. She's a very kind, polite person who doesn't flaunt her money (actually, I'd say most of her money she earns goes to that insane cardboard box New York calls an 'apartment') and is passionate about people. She has a wonderful personality, she just has trouble finding men who don't want to use her as arm candy or friends who don't want to be friends with her because of her job.

 

I wasn’t commenting about your “friend”, I was only talking about the impression I have of PH. “not being a beautiful person”.

But since this is about your friend; sorry, my bad.

[joshaz]

As a nerd I'm skeptical of new people. Good looking ones even more so.

 

Intelligence certainly counts for less now than it did a hundred years ago as evidenced by the decline in status of engineers in society. From heroes to probable terrorists. Society often takes us for granted, and popular culture is always marketed by beautiful people.

 

Unfair? Probably. Unexpected? Not at all.

[crushed66]

cuz most (90+%) of the times thats all they have.

 

their relationships cant get deeper over time.

 

next victim.

 

rinse and repeat.

 

eventually your beauty gets replace by someone younger and you get lonely.

[Eve]

cuz most (90+%) of the times thats all they have.

 

their relationships cant get deeper over time.

 

next victim.

 

rinse and repeat.

 

eventually your beauty gets replace by someone younger and you get lonely

 

That is SO sad..

[daphne]

Guys can pursue a very attractive woman for all of the wrong reasons and not care about what else she has to offer. And many people believe that if they date a very attractive person, that person has a lot more options and will eventually leave them. After time, and seeing all of your average friends pair off, it can wear on a person. Even if they have a lot going for them.

 

In a way, if she's not inviting too much of the bad attention, she is lucky. When a guy really gets who she is and knows that that's what he wants, he'll be a lucky guy. What's worse is when a high percent of guys who are just attracted to her pursue her and she's left confused when his intentions weren't terribly honorable or consistent to begin with.

[KismetGirl]

More often than not I've heard many above-average people talking about how lonely they are and it has me thinking: Why are above-average people often so lonely?

 

I'm not talking about just good-looking and completely vapid Paris Hilton Wanna-Bes. I'm talking about good looking people who are very polite, kind to others, have goals for their lives, are educated and interesting people. Why is it they are always seem to be so lonely? Why is it they always seem to have the most problems getting a serious relationship or anyone interested? Why do people often blow them off when they try to talk to them?

 

What is it about them that makes general society seem to shun them?

 

When you are a very intelligent person, it's hard to find an equivalent. Most people aren't that intelligent. When you are also very attrative and have alot of other good qualities, i think you can be somewhat intimidating to other people.

 

It sounds rightfully immodest, but.....I'm young, I'm a future physician, I consistently score in the top 2% of tests, IQ testing, etc. I'm above average in looks. I'm caring, I sacrifice to make people happy, I chose a long and difficult career path because it was one where I coul dgain personal intellectual satisfaction while maybe helping the world a litle. As a woman, I'm also much more sexual than most. At the risk of sounding totally conceited, I am a great catch.

 

But, Im always single. I rarely meet men that feel on a level with me. I date plenty, they always like me, I never like them back. It's quite rare.

 

I have a male friend from college who , when I asked him why things never progressed with us (when I first met him we had hooked up, but he'd backed off after a couple dates), and then I did not see him for a long time, he looked me straight in the eye and said "You're intimidating. Girls are often pretty and nice, or moderately intelligent and average looking, or really hot but boring or bitchy. You are massively smart, really hot, and actually a great woman, a great friend, and a great person. it's alot to take in, like it's too good to be true."

 

That isn't the first time I've had something like this said to me. There's alot to be said for being of above average intelligence, in particular, in combination with good looks that makes it difficult to find a mate who has similiar qualities, but it's just not as common as you'd think. There re plenty of smart people, there are plenty of normal intelligence people, but a combination of all those qualities above, is rare. People can argue all they want, but I generally find that they are jealous.

[stone22]

Such an interesting post.

 

I whole heartedly understand where you and your friend are coming from. From the way you describe the situation she is very luck to have a friend like you.

 

My wife and I have done modeling ourselves here and there. We have done work for... drum role please.... Walmart. We have also done magazine work and some runway. My wife much more than I. She was acutally the one who got me into it.

 

Both of us are not even close to the level of model that your friend is, or even seem to be as beautiful as you depict her being. Everything about her seems beautiful.

 

I can relate to some extent though. I would describe myself as someone who is smarter than the average bear and a bit of a book worm. I too, find myself loney and find it extremely difficult to make friends. Your friend is so right about friends that seem to always want to take and never want to return a favor. I ALWAYS find myself listening to my friends' problems, but when it comes to me talking about myself (not so much a topic of my interest, but myself) they quickly bow out of the conversation or get very wierd.

 

I am not errogent in any way. I am confident and very polite and love talking to people but feel that people get the wrong impression about me quite often. I too, am lonely. It seems that I have to work a lot harder than most to gain someones trust.

 

The conclusion that I have come to is that many people DO judge on first impressions-- whether we want to or not. For whatever reason the first impresion of a beautiful person seems to trigger all sorts of defense mechanisms in most people. For most people it is a reflection of who they are more than anything else.

 

However- one thing that I have found is that my own fear ends up being my worst enemy. The movie "Kung Fu Panda" as terrible and dissapointing as it was, has a very famous quote from the wise old turtle: "One often runs into his own problem on the path to avoid it". I think it might be a self fulfilling prophecy thing.

 

Another intelligent human being (much less famous than the wise turtle) told me: You are who you say you are.

 

Intersting, huh?

 

I wish your friend the best of luck. If she's looking for good friends who aren't flakey- we'll be great friends!

[Rooster_DAR]

I find it difficult to understand how an attractive person with a solid personality and grounded life can have a problem attracting people. It doesn't make sense.

 

Me too. I can't wrap my head around it, hence why I asked here.

 

 

Well you have to be in ones shoes to experience this truth. My family was born with very good looks, and we have all modeled at some point in our lives. I have had the worst luck with relationships, I believe for that reason.

 

It's weird, I can go out somewhere and have women staring or glancing my direction, but when I make a move to talk to them they shy away (no, it's not my breath..LOL). I have a great career, I feel like I'm a decent guy, and I'm not full of myself but yet I sometimes have trouble with dating and relationships.

 

The only thing I have come to deduce it this:

 

 

• Smart and Good looking people are intimidating
  
• We are somehow not hip or cool?
  
• We are seen as full of ourselves, or stuck up
  
• We must be taken already
  

It's tough to be good looking and single, I would rather be more average.

 

Cheers!

[Ocean-Blue]

Well you have to be in ones shoes to experience this truth. My family was born with very good looks, and we have all modeled at some point in our lives. I have had the worst luck with relationships, I believe for that reason.

 

It's weird, I can go out somewhere and have women staring or glancing my direction, but when I make a move to talk to them they shy away (no, it's not my breath..LOL). I have a great career, I feel like I'm a decent guy, and I'm not full of myself but yet I sometimes have trouble with dating and relationships.

 

The only thing I have come to deduce it this:

 

 

• Smart and Good looking people are intimidating
  
• We are somehow not hip or cool?
  
• We are seen as full of ourselves, or stuck up
  
• We must be taken already
  

It's tough to be good looking and single, I would rather be more average.

 

Cheers!

 

Ah, the woes of the beautiful. What a plight!

[carhill]

Is loneliness more poignant when you're beautiful?

 

Are relationships of convenience more fulfilling than being alone?

[Trialbyfire]

Geneva, your g/f is trying too hard. It sounds like she overwhelms men. A woman with above-average looks shouldn't need to hit on men. They should be flocking to her.

[shadowplay]

If she's a runway model, perhaps her beauty is of the less conventional kind that only some people may appreciate. In other words, she's probably not your run of the mill pretty girl with a tritely pretty face.

 

Speaking for myself, I'm attractive (or so I'm told) but in an unusual, more chiseled/sophisticated looking way. Some men don't take to that look.

[Rooster_DAR]

If she's a runway model, perhaps her beauty is of the less conventional kind that only some people may appreciate. In other words, she's probably not your run of the mill pretty girl with a tritely pretty face.

 

Speaking for myself, I'm attractive (or so I'm told) but in an unusual, more chiseled/sophisticated looking way. Some men don't take to that look.

 

You mean like Gwyneth Paltrow?

[pretty professional]

Her whole problem is that she's taking the man's role by hitting on them first. She needs to sit back and let them hit on her. That is the whole problem, she has switched gender roles in her dating. She needs to let the men approach her.

 

 

When she does hit on guys she tends to get super chatty and asks them a lot of questions about themselves. I think she gets so nervous that she just rambles and doesn't know how to use mystery.

 

Or I make her feel better and say "don't worry, he'll kick himself up the street tomorrow when he flips through Vogue and sees you there"...then she reminds me if he's flipping through Vogue he's probably gay.

[sveltskye]

Sorry I haven't had time to read the entire thread, but just for my 2 cents:

 

Just personally, I had come to be a little wary of being "shiny". Because I'm pretty and bubbly, presentable and also really friendly in a gets along with everyone kind of way, I have little trouble with the attraction part. Now I'm wary of it not extending past when the "new and shiny" effect wears off. I want a guy who will see what's underneath that and love me for all my craziness as well as my wonderfulness.

 

Could be other attractive people's problems too. Also, people are intimidated by high achieving, attractive people, thinking they're above them or snobs or something.

[monkey00]

I have a friend who's also got the looks and intellect to go with it, unfortunately that's not exactly the best combination. He's a confident, out going, sociable, friendly, great personality, well-rounded and well-traveled guy but hasn't had much luck with women throughout the years. I'd have to agree that looks + intellect = bad combination for some people when it comes to attracting the opposite sex.

 

He never quite fit in with any specific crowd when he was younger and often would make friends with the misfits or outcasts. He's very mature for his age and in college most of the friends he'd make/friends he has now are actually older than him. Oddly enough though loners and outcasts seem particularly attracted to him like a magnet (e.g. wanting to be friends) for unknown reasons. He's also a very likeable person to anyone that meets him. I don't know but I wonder if it's because he's a very respectful person and treats people the way he'd expect to be treated.

 

I also know another friend who has the looks and body to be a model...she's a nice person and all but unfortunately she doesn't have much of a personality.

[chilatte]

I really don't believe good looking smart or not smart are anymore lonely than anyone else. In fact it seems to me the opposite, that really good looking people are happier otherwise why is everyone trying so hard to look attractive to society. People of all looks, shapes, sizes, colors, can be lonely, depressed, happy, low self esteem, high self esteem, confident. I don't think anyone type of person is happier or lonelier or anything else more that anyone else. We all live in the same world, maybe different cultures and societies but we all deal with people and sometimes have problems and sometimes not. I still would rather be gorgeous and attractive than average than not so good looking. Good looking people unfortuanetly get better treatment smart or not smart. I am so glad I am happy and married because now it doesn't matter what you look like or your personality.....it seems so hard for anyone to find a significant other and be happy with that person for a long time.

[Riley Freeman]

it dont matter weather your beautiful or ugly everyone has periods of their life where they get lonely............

 

i have periods where 5 of the prettiest girls come up and start talking to me and want to get with me, and i have cycles of lonliness and suicidal thoughts

 

thats life.........dont let that myspace fool you........not everyone is fufilled

 

and just cz your around people dont mean you fufilled

[joshaz]

i have periods where 5 of the prettiest girls come up and start talking to me and want to get with me, and i have cycles of lonliness and suicidal thoughts

 

Hrm... 5 pretty girls eh? I must be in that opposite 3 decade long period... So does this mean at some point I get mad bitches non-stop for 3 or more decades!? Rockin.

[Riley Freeman]

Hrm... 5 pretty girls eh? I must be in that opposite 3 decade long period... So does this mean at some point I get mad bitches non-stop for 3 or more decades!? Rockin.

 

im sure...talking to girls is the easist thing in the world....

problem is, thats the only thing im sucessful at