it's been like she's been distancing herself from me

[avrom87]

So some backround...

I've been goin out with this girl for like about 5 mounths. We have been great, well atleast good. We have gon on many dates and have during them. We used to be the cute and cuddly cupple, but for some little things.

 

The biggest is that we havent kissed yet. Lately she also has been sorta out of energy. She tells me that it's her depression medication, it's been like she's been distancing herself from me. She doesn't come and sit next to me when we are watching movies unless I ask her too now. It's like she's hot for me at one point and the next we're just friends. I don't think that she has changed medications.

 

Also to make matters worse when I went to her to the local church picknic, her mother was saying how prowd of her chilren, and how well they behave and one thing that stood out is that her mother said that my her daughter doesn't do drugs, doesn't hang out with bad people and stuff like that. I agreed and am happy about all that, but the one that really is making me go crazy is that she also included that she doesn't kiss the boys.

 

Also when I asked her why she doesn't show me alot of affection, she said that she was afraid that she would go too far and that some things should be saved for after marriage. I agreed to that and told her that I would never take advantage of her like that, cause I also agree that sex shouldn't be done untill after marriage. After that she quickly changed the subject.

 

I am being ripped apart on this one! Please someoune else give me their insite, on whats going on and what I should do.

[avrom87]

Her and her mother and the rest of her family are very Christian, and she follows what the bible and church says always, so if there is anything about how far you should go in a relationship in the bible. I would love to hear it!!!

[jalexy]

you know i really have no idea. i would think that you could find someone who is more mentally stable and fit for you, if you left her.

but i mean why dont you leave it up to yourself and tell her that you wont let it go any further and that you can control yourself. i mean she has to grow up too, and realize she needs to control herself as well. I dont get those ppl that wont kiss cause they think it leads further. sure it can, but i mean you have to control yourself.

if i were you, i would get the hell out of this situation, but that is just what i would do.

[sunnie23]

i'm with jalexy. your g/f has issues with showing affection....not somehing i could handle. get out now.

[quankanne]

when you really care about someone, you find that yourself respecting the boundaries they've set up, simply because it's the right thing to do.

 

if your girl doesn't feel comfortable displaying her affection because she believes in saving that for marriage, you should either find yourself a new girl -- preferably one who will put out -- or just get used to the idea that she's not the sappy romantic type who feels she *must* display affection.

 

you mention that she's on medication, as well. Sometimes anti-depressants curb a patient's sex drive, or so I've been told, so maybe you're facing that coupled with her belief in staying chaste.

 

any which way, you probably ought to talk it over with her and see if there's some happy middle ground you can both strive for if you decide to follow through on this relationship.

[Green]

Avrom,

 

Your situation sounds frustrating.

1) On the one hand, you care about this girl.

2) On the other hand you are not sure how much she likes you (hot and cold).

3) In addition, even when you sense that she likes you, she does not want to kiss.

 

So, it looks like you have two choices.

 

1) continue to go out with her and let her take it at her own pace.

Do you like her despite these shortcomings?

 

or

 

2) create some emotional and physical distance between you two to lessen your own frustration level.

Maybe you could find someone more compatible?

 

I doubt that trying to persuade her would do any good. Plus, even if she did "give in" she may be doing something under pressure and then regret it and resent you for it. She may feel manipulated.

 

Well, .... here is another idea! Maybe there is another way for you two to express affection? Sometimes a soothing face massage can be very expressive without crossing the "kissing" threshold - or maybe make that a more appealing option?

 

At any rate, if yo udo continue - take it slow. Otherwise find someone else!

[Helly]

I agree with what's been said above.

 

You're pursuing someone who doesn't seem able to give you what you want. It's going to be frustrating!

 

I think that if you continue to pursue this girl, you have to change your expectations to take into account what she is and isn't able to give you. Or, decide that she is not the "right person" for you and look for someone else who is more suitable for you.