Lishy Posted October 1, 2008 Share Posted October 1, 2008 Oh stop it Make! You are building this up in your head and making yourself feel like crap! Yes he was a twit for saying what he said and I would question being with a man who is making you feel this bad BUT you are a size 16 for goodness sake not a size 28!!!! Look at yourself in the mirror and pick out every good feature - Get yourself dressed up and walk down the road and see how many men look at you Your bf said a jerkish thing but YOU are the one over reacting here. Stop it already? If you want to lose weight then fine and if you dont then fine, dont do it for him though do what you want for yourself! Link to post Share on other sites
Ronni_W Posted October 1, 2008 Share Posted October 1, 2008 Ok tell you what forget it! I'm fat he's old. :D Well, something similar worked for "Jack Spratt" and his wife, didn't it? You are too funny, MakeMeSmile...thanks for my morning smile. Link to post Share on other sites
bish Posted October 1, 2008 Share Posted October 1, 2008 Hi all, just wanted to get a idea on this. I have been with my OH for almost 10yrs and we got on the subject of Marriage and why we wasnt.... It got a little heated and after a few glasses of wine he said it was because of my weight. I'm a UK 16, got more boobs then anything else, yes i have a few extra pounds.... Would you loose weight if a man said he would then marry you? If a man only wants to marry you if you lose weight, then he isn't worth a woman's time. Let him find his perfect barbie doll and find a man that will love you no matter what. Because looks fade and kids don't do a woman's midsection much good. Link to post Share on other sites
I Luv the Chariot OH Posted October 1, 2008 Share Posted October 1, 2008 I'd gain weight to spite him Link to post Share on other sites
Mary3 Posted October 9, 2008 Share Posted October 9, 2008 NO WAY!!!! Never do anything solely for another person and certainly never let anyone bribe you If the dude does not wanna marry you, curves n all then dump the chump and meet a guy who appreciates you for who you are and not what you could be! I love ya Lishy ! Say it girl I think the Ops weight is just an excuse. I bet you are gorgeous and curvy. ! Find a man who loves da curves ! Do you feel unhealthy or anything ? Link to post Share on other sites
RecordProducer Posted October 9, 2008 Share Posted October 9, 2008 I think he is concerned about it long-term, not so much as to lose weight to get married. I don't know how much you should feel offended. How skinny is he? How much would it bother you to live with someone who is prone to gaining weight? I really think it shouldn't be an obsession: either both partners should be comfortable with the situation of gaining weight or no deal. I know you think it's humiliating, but it's not. He loves you and he wants to see you thinner. Men don't like us unconditionally like our kids or pets. If you really want this guy, you have to show him that you are genuinely concwerned about losing and maintaining weight. If that notion bothers you, the you will always feel "fat" around him an you're better off fidnign someone more tolerant. Weight seems to be an issue for a lot of men, so it pays to keep it perfect. Also, your health is jeopardized, so you should lose weight for yourself. I don't know how much is 16 UK. Link to post Share on other sites
Enema Posted October 9, 2008 Share Posted October 9, 2008 Uk 16 = us 14. Link to post Share on other sites
Jilly Bean Posted October 9, 2008 Share Posted October 9, 2008 I didnt know what a UK16 was like, so I looked it up. Apparently you look close to this? http://www.dailymail.co.uk/tvshowbiz/article-552792/Size-16-Miss-England-hopeful-Chloe-unveils-curvy-look-official-bikini-shoot.html Its really a personal choice. If YOU are happy with how you look, then NEVER change for someone else. Now, if you feel that youd LIKE to lose a few for your health and self-esteem, then go for it. But, make sure it is for YOU! Link to post Share on other sites
raclar Posted October 17, 2008 Share Posted October 17, 2008 OMG No way! Part of being in a relationship is accepting people for who they and the way they are! So he wants you to lose weight.. what else is he going to want to change? different color hair? Different clothing style? Different sense of humor? Granted there might be a little give and take in a relationship... but this is major stuff. If he's fixating on something as superficial as a bit weight.... makes me concerned about what else he's thinking he'd like to change. I might...talk to him about it and see what his REAL issues are.. then re-evaluate relationship based on how that discussion goes. Link to post Share on other sites
Walk Posted October 19, 2008 Share Posted October 19, 2008 What your bf said was hurtful. He attacked your appearance when you asked him about marriage. Instead of addressing your question, taking your concerns seriously. and discussing them with you... he threw a barb at your weight as a way to immediately get you off the subject. To me, it seems like your bf is more concerned about protecting himself and keeping you distant, then he is about how you feel. The moment you ask him to discuss creating a closer relationship, he drives a wedge in it... he disrupts your sense of equilibrium, shatters your confidence, blocks the closeness that is necessary in a relationship. I know the comment hurt, but I would look at the real issue at play here. You discuss furthing the relationship toward a deeper commitment and he kill the discussion by crushing your confidence. No discussion, no give and take... just him taking aim at your vulnerability and striking deep. I think you should contemplate whether this is someone you should stay with. Whether he helps bring out the greatness in you, or if he brings you down? Don't stay because you're worried about what others think. It's your life, and you are making the best choices you can at this point. Hell, you're only 26. Give yourself a break. It's not like you've got 60+ years experience behind you to know exactly what you want, and how to make it happen. You're doing the best you can, and if others can't figure that out then to hell with them too. And if you decide you want to try some other things before choosing to end the relationship, then you could tell him flat out that his comment about your weight was uncalled for, and it damaged your trust in him. That you expect him to make amends for that, and to put in extra effort to help erase the damage he caused. If you ignore this, it'll fester. He has to make amends if you want this relationship to work. Also ask him what exactly he wants from this relationship, where he see's it heading, what role does he see himself in, and what does he feel he can bring to a relationship with you? Put him on the hot seat this time. Challenge him to prove to you that he is commited to this relationship, and to making it stronger and healthier. Sorry if that doesn't make sense... I'm too tired to write coherently tonight. Link to post Share on other sites
Lookingforward Posted October 19, 2008 Share Posted October 19, 2008 Something's not right here. 16 year olds dating 27 year olds, that's pedophile territory. The legal age of consent in the UK is 16 btw, so no. Link to post Share on other sites
Lookingforward Posted October 19, 2008 Share Posted October 19, 2008 It's possible he was an immature 27 year old and she was a mature 17 year old, so therefore closer in age to her emotionally and in interests than not. .....That said, I think the OP needs to re-evaluate her R with this guy, there is more here than his supposed issue with her weight, and I think she's spent enough of her precious youth on someone that's such a jerk. OP, get out now while you are in your prime to find a guy that truly loves you and wants to marry you and raise children with you regardless of anything else. Don't let this jerk cause you to question your value in this way. Link to post Share on other sites
Federica Posted October 19, 2008 Share Posted October 19, 2008 Some posts from this thread, have been moved to this thread as they discussed the age of consent and whether age gaps constitute a relationship or something more sinister. The posts were going off-topic. Please keep posts in this thread relevant to the original question, and address other matters regarding moved posts, to the other thread. Many thanks all. Link to post Share on other sites
BentSpine Posted November 9, 2008 Share Posted November 9, 2008 If you two split maybe both of you would find more compatible partners. I don't think your partner is to blame here. Neither are you. You have difficulty maintaining a normal weight and weight does not turn your partner on. Sounds like an incompatibility to me. Please understand that he doesn't have control over what turns him on. Labeling him shallow and thinking that men as they get older normally start feeling the hots for women who have lost their feminine shape is delusional. I realise it feels better to think he's shallow because it removes pressure from ourselves. If he could change his turn ons, if he could decide to be aroused by overweight women, don't you think he would do that instantly? He would have everything (no pun) to gain! We all have needs but they differ from one individual to the next. Your partner doesn't appreciate your cooking as much as would appreciate you being optimal weight. Yet the reverse would be true for some other men. We all have needs but we don't we prioritise them differently. And it can be scary when someone expresses a preference for something we feel we cannot provide. I'm no exception. But I try to remember that we're all different and there will be someone else who values precisely that which we feel we can offer. By the way, any "lose weight then dump him" is crazy talk and not in an attractive way. That's revenge the ugly way. That kind of revenge damages you. You walk away with a spirit that will attract men that take revenge. Do you really want that? Better to go separate ways and living your life well without pointing it out to him. If you let him go, then letting hin stay in the past but not in the present, will be your best revenge. Now the cat is out of the bag. This is no longer about marriage or no marriage. Your realisation that weight matters to him has made you insecure. The question is if you will ever seize to be insecure of your size in his presence. Link to post Share on other sites
Author Makemesmile Posted January 20, 2009 Author Share Posted January 20, 2009 Sorry to bring this back but i have just read over it all again and can now see in clear light what has happend over the last few mths since this was posted! We have split and i'm feeling very positive about things and now see how we where just different people! I lost: Trust security confidence self worth Respect Me Just wanted to say thanks for all the advice x Oh and yes Jill Bean i do kinda of look like her however the my hair is very curly, so almost spot on. Oh 1 more thing ive lost some weight to, ive had checks at the docs and he tells me i am perfectly healthy Link to post Share on other sites
Lauriebell82 Posted January 20, 2009 Share Posted January 20, 2009 Sorry to bring this back but i have just read over it all again and can now see in clear light what has happend over the last few mths since this was posted! We have split and i'm feeling very positive about things and now see how we where just different people! I lost: Trust security confidence self worth Respect Me Just wanted to say thanks for all the advice x Oh and yes Jill Bean i do kinda of look like her however the my hair is very curly, so almost spot on. Oh 1 more thing ive lost some weight to, ive had checks at the docs and he tells me i am perfectly healthy Wow, that's great!!! Congrats on having the courage to realize you deserve better. Keep up with the weight loss though, not for any man, but for YOU. Link to post Share on other sites
Habibti Posted March 7, 2009 Share Posted March 7, 2009 Hi all, just wanted to get a idea on this. I have been with my OH for almost 10yrs and we got on the subject of Marriage and why we wasnt.... It got a little heated and after a few glasses of wine he said it was because of my weight. I'm a UK 16, got more boobs then anything else, yes i have a few extra pounds.... Would you loose weight if a man said he would then marry you? Not at all, the pretense alone would spell out diasaster and I'd never marry him period. Link to post Share on other sites
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