I got a question.

[Bobbie]

I wanted to know your opinion on something. Ok there is a girl that had her first true boyfriend and dated him for about 9 or ten months and fell in love with him. (she is 18) Then the next minuit she tells him that she still loves him and still has feelings for him and is still planning a future with him, but is confused and wants to see what kinda guy she wants to be with for SURE before she could make any more commitments. This girl compares every guy she meets with this guy that she loves and none so far has matched up. This guy is pretty confident that she will not find anyone better than him. My questions is, do you think it is over between them? Do you think she will realize anytime soon that there is no one better? Should this guy just move on and forget about her even though he is DEEPLY in love with her? Or should he wait on her?

[Tony T]

My vote is move on!!

 

The reasons:

 

1. This girl is way too young and immature, by her behavior, to make a commitment to someone.

 

2. When you are really fond of someone, you don't go around looking for "something" better.

 

3. No matter who you love, there is always a better deal out there. If someone is caught up in that syndrome, they can "better deal" themselves right to their grave.

 

4. If the guy was REALLY confident, he wouldn't put up with a girl who has to go out to see if she could top him. He would tell her where to get off and find someone who had great confidence in her feelings for him.

 

5. If the guy actually allows her to get away with this, she will have no respect for him anyway. He will only get her respect by telling her that her search is not appropriate and she should move on.

 

6. This is a direct quote from your post: "she tells him that she still loves him and still has feelings for him and is still planning a future with him, but is confused and wants to see what kinda guy she wants to be with for SURE"

 

She cannot still be planning a future with him if she is confused and wants to see what "kinda" guy she wants to be with. One thing for sure, this girl is massively CONFUSED.

 

7. She is inexperienced and probably a very sweet girl and hasn't learned yet that most men don't bug off easy. She is trying to let him down kindly but he isn't mature enough to get the point across assertively. As time goes on, she'll have to turn up the heat until she finds someone that "she wants to be with for SURE", then things will come to a boil.

 

8. Being deeply in love is meaningless in the context of romantic love unless it is mutual. It is as insane to wait around for someone to fall in love with you as it is to have sex to in order to achieve virginity.

 

Whether or not it is over is up to the guy to decide. There is no way of determining if anyone out there is better (that's kind of a harsh way of putting it)...but thousands and thousands are different. At her age, new toys are more fun to play with than old ones...and more new toys are coming out all the time.

[Nicky]

My vote is move on!! The reasons: 1. This girl is way too young and immature, by her behavior, to make a commitment to someone.

 

2. When you are really fond of someone, you don't go around looking for "something" better. 3. No matter who you love, there is always a better deal out there. If someone is caught up in that syndrome, they can "better deal" themselves right to their grave. 4. If the guy was REALLY confident, he wouldn't put up with a girl who has to go out to see if she could top him. He would tell her where to get off and find someone who had great confidence in her feelings for him. 5. If the guy actually allows her to get away with this, she will have no respect for him anyway. He will only get her respect by telling her that her search is not appropriate and she should move on. 6. This is a direct quote from your post: "she tells him that she still loves him and still has feelings for him and is still planning a future with him, but is confused and wants to see what kinda guy she wants to be with for SURE"

 

She cannot still be planning a future with him if she is confused and wants to see what "kinda" guy she wants to be with. One thing for sure, this girl is massively CONFUSED. 7. She is inexperienced and probably a very sweet girl and hasn't learned yet that most men don't bug off easy. She is trying to let him down kindly but he isn't mature enough to get the point across assertively. As time goes on, she'll have to turn up the heat until she finds someone that "she wants to be with for SURE", then things will come to a boil. 8. Being deeply in love is meaningless in the context of romantic love unless it is mutual. It is as insane to wait around for someone to fall in love with you as it is to have sex to in order to achieve virginity. Whether or not it is over is up to the guy to decide. There is no way of determining if anyone out there is better (that's kind of a harsh way of putting it)...but thousands and thousands are different. At her age, new toys are more fun to play with than old ones...and more new toys are coming out all the time.

I don't know ANYBODY who hasn't changed a great deal since they were 18. She is way too young to commit long-term to anybody. This guy should move on.