Finally I received the call I'd wished for for so long

[Lishy]

You should do whatever you want to do BUT first you should spend much time thinking about what you REALLY want!

 

Also keep in mind that you have no idea what he was calling for, he could say he wants you back or he could have been calling to tell you he is getting married, you just dont know and you need to know if you are willing to hear something that could upset you or knock you back

 

Good luck with whatever you do and please let us know

[steve9417]

Hi GC - you're in a difficult position and i one where i was your ex until recently - let me explain

 

i broke it off and after 5 months i said "lets talk" as we both missed one another in email exchanges (i had not seen anyone in that time) - finally after 7 months we met as she was "too protective of her heart" initially - by then she had been seeing a man for some 4 months ... i said i was still in love with her and wanted to see if it could work ...... she was dumb struck - she said that for the past 7 months she'd been telling herself that "we were over and not a possibility" ....and... she'd "never been in love with anyone as much as me" - she was heartbroken when we finished ... it caused her so much pain and the build up to us parting

 

fast forward 5 months ...... she stayed with the new guy in the end and treated both men at times like **** as she didn't know what she wanted from either of us - the new guy worked with her and put up a massive fight when she wanted to come back to me ...... in the end you could say she chose him - but really she found him a safer and more secure partner after all the pain and heartache i offered her .......

 

what it did confirm to me was that it was over for a reason and that needed to be respected .... i would have to echo the many messages / pieces of advice to avoid looking back - your migraine is i'm sure related to the situation you find yourself in

 

the one thing that going back did confirm for me is that i'll never have any doubts now ....... i'm glad we didn't get back together - how she treated me these past 5 months was in keeping with the person i'd experienced previously and what led me to end it - i honestly felt she'd changed after she sopke of seeing a therapist - i later found out that she'd seen a therapist to work out what was wrong with me opposed to parts of herself

 

you calling him will be like walking onto a high wire ..... lots of potential exposure and very risky ........ you need to ask youself if that's worth it for what at this point is a very small target (and one that might be just a dream opposed to reality) .....

 

only you can answer that and i wish you well ......... best wishes

[stillafool]

Yes I would call him back and find out what he wants. I would definitely be casual about it and not sound excited. I would be like "Hi ______, I got your message, is everything alright?"

[gd26]

Yes I would call him back and find out what he wants. I would definitely be casual about it and not sound excited. I would be like "Hi ______, I got your message, is everything alright?"

 

Considering that his last call to her was 3 months ago, her calling him to say "I got your message..." etc would come off as pretty absurd.

[Tinkerbelll]

Considering that his last call to her was 3 months ago, her calling him to say "I got your message..." etc would come off as pretty absurd.

 

Definitely.

I agree with whom told that at the end the fact is that he called only once and this means it was not so big deal for him.

I mean, I have the very same concern: my ex tried to reach me out several times and I just kept ignoring him.

I will never return his calls or BS texts: if we wants, he will find a way to tell me something, even if it means sending me flowers, or waiting for me at the entrance door.

Come on: that is how it works if anybody is REALLY interested.

[lovely81]

Call him! Some of us have been following your story for QUITE some time, and I for one want to know what this guy has to say. I'm tired of the Chapter I Did Not Return His Phone Call.

 

(Ok seriously, do what you want, but I would avoid thinking about it too much. Not worth it. I think you're past the point that one conversation could do some sort of damage)

[stillafool]

Considering that his last call to her was 3 months ago, her calling him to say "I got your message..." etc would come off as pretty absurd.

 

Oh my goodness, I guess I didn't read that it has been 3 months since he called you. You are still thinking about this after 3 months?? There is nothing that you can do now that makes sense. Forget it and move on.

[Zapbasket]

Thanks stillafool, tinkerbell, gd26, lovely81, lishy, steve9417 for helping me get my feet back on the ground

 

Guess I got caught in a wave of nostalgia. Since I no longer live here, I know that the time I spend here is precious. This time, everything is still the same--still have my apartment, my friends are all up to the same things, pretty much, no one has moved. But I know it won't be quite this way again. My next visit, or the one after that, everything may be the same...including that my ex could have moved, or could at long last be in a relationship with someone else.

 

So I thought if I called this time, it would offer one more chance, one more opportunity to wrangle my love for my ex to the ground and conquer it once and for all. One more chance to see if things could be different between us.

 

I cried a lot yesterday as I sorted through some old pictures and read some old emails. My ex looked so much happier in the old pictures than he does now in his pictures on facebook. What really struck me was the palpable love between us in our email exchanges. I just cried and cried. And he shaves his head now; it's like a slap in the face because I'd always told him he shold not shave his head because he has such nice hair and I loved to play with it. His shaving it now is like a testament to how much he doesn't want me in his life.

 

I almost called him last night. ANd then I realized that that's what hurts so much: I love him still, so much so that I feel like I could forgive him right away for how coldly he severed our relationship if I could just have him in my life again, talk to him and see him and have our relationship again. But despite my love for him, and the craving in every part of me for some kind of contact, it's my love for myself that gets in the way of returning that call from 3 months ago. I can't return his call because the truth is, despite how much I love him, I NEED MORE. The way he ended things, with a terrible cruel email that obviously was INTENDED to be cruel, didn't leave room for him to go calling up out of the blue after some time had passed to "say hi." (My mom listened to his voicemail and said he sounded terribly nervous.) He has to contact me with more than that.

 

If I called him back, I realized, I'd be indicating to him that he can treat me as badly as he wants, hurt me as much as he wants, and I'll still love him. That's a poor foundation for ANYTHING between us, including even a phone conversation.

 

Basically I'm finally learning the lesson that sometimes you do have to relinquish people you love if they don't treat you the way you should be treated. You can't stay in relationship with them, or try to forge a relationship, continually making excuses for their ****ty behavior. (this is what I've always tended to do.) People aren't perfect...but it's amazing how good their behavior can be when it's clear to them they have to treat you with the utmost respect if they expect to have your company.

 

So, no phone call to ex. It sucks, BUT I SIMPLY NEED MORE.

[Zapbasket]

Call him! Some of us have been following your story for QUITE some time, and I for one want to know what this guy has to say. I'm tired of the Chapter I Did Not Return His Phone Call.

 

(Ok seriously, do what you want, but I would avoid thinking about it too much. Not worth it. I think you're past the point that one conversation could do some sort of damage)

 

I'd love to be able to come on LS with a gratifying denouement! I, too, am SOOOO darned curious to know how it would be to talk with my ex after all this time. But! I think the chapter after this one will be far better and more interesting (at least to me!) if I stick to my guns about what I need from a relationship.

[Lishy]

I agree GC!

 

You have left it a lil late now anyway to reply, it would just be you contacting him and not you returning his call!

 

Remember, you broke up for a reason!

[Zapbasket]

I agree GC!

 

You have left it a lil late now anyway to reply, it would just be you contacting him and not you returning his call!

 

Remember, you broke up for a reason!

 

Wellll, I'm not entirely sure I agree. I think when you receive a call out of the blue like that it's perfectly reasonable to take your sweet time to reply. His call is like a ticket of permission to call him; before The Call I felt I'd be violating his wishes and privacy to contact him.

 

But...I do agree it's the right move to not call him. Not in a million years. It sucks, but the more time that goes by without his reaching out with a sincere apology for how he ended things, on that fact alone the more apparent it becomes that he is not right for me.

[saturnsfall]

An ex of mine broke up with me three years ago. He emailed me last year, I never responded. Three years later, I found myself at a party with him that he invited me to. During the break up, I was very upset. I thought if we ever spoke again that I would still love him and be so happy. Three years pass, I see him. The best part, all the things he said. I don't have feelings for him anymore. Feelings for him are the furthest from my mind. He on the other hand, has feelings. Of course I'm glad I saw him. He had things he needed to say (it was nice to hear them, even after this long. At least I know I made a strong impression) You cannot concern yourself with what he wants. Honestly, with time passed, how he treated you, he doesn't deserve an ounce of your time. You should walk away from the situation knowing he called you. He still cares. That should be enough. Close the book.