thewomantoblame Posted October 1, 2008 Share Posted October 1, 2008 I've bumped into the guy I had a crush on all through high school (we were good friends and he had a thing for me, too) several times over the last few years. Each time was a little more heart wrenching than the time before. We made out one night, I spent the night another. Finally, three years ago we hooked up and I slept with him (thank you social networking sites). It didn't go any further after I decided to try and make things work with my ex. I saw him about a year later (we were both with our significant others) and that was the end of it. I bumped into him again last week, figured out we were both single and spent the night together. Th problem is that I'm not over him at all. He's a musician with a prominent band and has ridiculous chicks throwing themselves at him every night and there's no way I could take the rejection. Needless to say, I'd rather keep in my life as a friend than not have him at all. In the history of my life, he's one of my favorite people. I adore him. Have I completely screwed this up by sleeping with him? Link to post Share on other sites
lonelyisme Posted October 4, 2008 Share Posted October 4, 2008 If it is messed up it wasn't meant to be. My ex wife and I remained pretty good friends, and we certainly slept together many times. In my mind, I don't look down on her or anything she stays in a very special place in my heart and mind, but I know we'll never sleep together again. That said, we are good friends. My point here is that sex doesn't, in itself ruin or "doom" a relationship. It depends on the relationship and how strong or weak it is held together. For you though, it will be different, because 1) you two weren't married--11 years and 3 kids gives you a good reason to remain "friendly" which ends up keeping a friendship alive--and 2) you haven't been able to get over him. That said, if you are going to have to let him go, go to him and put it on the table... You want a 1 on 1 relationship with him, and no one else. You want a monogamous relationship--tell him that him being with others would bother you, don't just assume he will know you feel that way, make sure he knows how serious your feelings are for him--and if he can give that to you then go for it. But if he says no, then cut it off and move on with your life. You have to, if him being with other women bothers you, then you certainly are not over him. You can't do that, you have to let him go and if you can't do that with him around, then I am sorry you will have to cut him free and move on with your life. Link to post Share on other sites
carhill Posted October 4, 2008 Share Posted October 4, 2008 Needless to say, I'd rather keep in my life as a friend than not have him at all. Explore that. What do you really want? And, more importantly, do you really feel it is healthy for you? More "hooking up" will only cloud reality further. Link to post Share on other sites
Recommended Posts