What if there isnt something "better" out there

[RecordProducer]

I think part of growing old gracefully (in addition to taking good care of yourself) is appreciating the things about yourself that, in addition to your physical self make you the attractive person that you are.

Yup. It's very important to love yourself. I know it sounds like a no-brainer, but many people (e.g. my husband and my mother) totally don't appreciate the intelligence and wits they possess. They are aware of them but don't see them as a big deal, which makes them seek confidence in the more superficial things. It's good to base your self-esteem on the unique, incomparable traits rather than the measurable ones - because there will always be people who will score higher than you to make you feel bad.

 

I wont digress but MM was one of the few men I have ever met who really understood me and loved the things about me that I love about myself -- not just the "resume" and the looks.

You know, I've noticed that men have a sneaky way of appreciating everything about you; they detect that you are great in this and that, but they only truly love those traits when they are able to consume them and reciprocate. For example, a man may notice how smart you are, but unless he actively engages in intellectual conversations with you, he doesn't really care about your intelligence. He only acknowledges it. It's like a man who knows how to fix things - you may appreciate his skills, but you couldn't care less if he didn't know how to replace a bulb. Many of them will tell you that they want a sexy, graceful, smart, and educated woman, but a year later you discover that they think your place is in the kitchen cooking for their family (and please don't interrupt their conversations with your opinions!).

[jj33]

You want my advice? Follow your heart.

 

And take his heart through the wringer.

 

If he loves you, truly, more than anyone else, he will not disappoint you. Make him rise to the occasion. If he cannot, he is not the one for you.

 

Dont take bull**** for an excuse.

 

GEL

 

Thanks GEL. That is kind of what I am thinking. He is away now until the end of the month but when he gets back we will see where things stand. See how we both feel. Much as I told him never ever ever ever ask me again if I want to try again... a lady is allowed to change her mind.

 

Its tricky at this stage. He is calling me every day doing everything he can for me (in business) but now back to denying his feelings which is the one thing I cant stand.

 

But we will see. I am a big believer that if things are meant to be they will be.

[Dominique]

Confidence is a good thing. bieng conceted and thinking you are physically superior than everone else is not. It is annoying. If she is saying that she looks better than the 20 year old version of herself(remember, she wasn't overweight or anything) and that her nose doesn't turn down (like it does for everyone else), than she is saying she is better than us all. Again, bieng confident is great, bieng full of yourself is not.

 

 

Angie if I tell you that you need to use spell check before posting, will you think me "conceited" for pointing out a basic truth?

 

And are my assertions any more arrogant than yours? You are just as convinced about your point of view and refuse to concede that there are exceptions to your rule.

 

My nose is not turned down, my hair is soft and long, and I look much better than the twenty year old version of myself, and I am not "deluding" myself, thanks. I am right here on earth.

 

I am a size four. In my twenties I was an eight then a six. I had good skin then, now I have very soft, clear and practically line free skin that is simply on the whole more beautiful. I use no botox and never have. I am 38--in the past couple of years I have been carded buying alcohol. People are surprised to hear my age. That is that.

 

I am not asserting that I am "better" than anyone else. I am asserting that your universal assumptions are false--possibly to make yourself feel better. If you'd stop that, and perhaps take my advice about how and what to eat, you yourself will see a big difference.

 

I am disciplined, I have earned the pride. This makes me neither a b--h or whatever else you might think. It simply makes me happy.

 

DOM

[jj33]

Angie if I tell you that you need to use spell check before posting, will you think me "conceited" for pointing out a basic truth?

 

And are my assertions any more arrogant than yours? You are just as convinced about your point of view and refuse to concede that there are exceptions to your rule.

 

My nose is not turned down, my hair is soft and long, and I look much better than the twenty year old version of myself, and I am not "deluding" myself, thanks. I am right here on earth.

 

I am a size four. In my twenties I was an eight then a six. I had good skin then, now I have very soft, clear and practically line free skin that is simply on the whole more beautiful. I use no botox and never have. I am 38--in the past couple of years I have been carded buying alcohol. People are surprised to hear my age. That is that.

 

I am not asserting that I am "better" than anyone else. I am asserting that your universal assumptions are false--possibly to make yourself feel better. If you'd stop that, and perhaps take my advice about how and what to eat, you yourself will see a big difference.

 

I am disciplined, I have earned the pride. This makes me neither a b--h or whatever else you might think. It simply makes me happy.

 

DOM

 

What is going on with you two? Having a bad day?

 

Dominique noone said Angie didnt take care of herself. She just sees the situation differently than you do. Im sure you are trying to be helpful but it isnt coming across to Angie that way.

 

And Angie buck up - if Dominique feels the need to think that that she is hotter and more knowledgable about how to be hot when shes never even met you or seen you how much stock do you want to put in it? She thinks she is being helpful because what she does works for her. Noone is attacking you.

 

Stop bickering. Think happy thoughts.

[Lookingforward]

I think it's totally hysterical that someone thinks at 40 you have had those sort of phsyical changes like your nose drooping LMAO

 

Sure, it does happen eventually but at 40, please- lord hopes we all live long enough to see it happen

 

and for the record the nose 'droop' doesn't make you look like a profile view of a Macbeth crone (in fact it's not that noticeable on people I know that are much more advanced in years than a mere 40)

 

oh and I also didn't see Dom say she looked like she WAS 20, just said she thought she looked BETTER

[Dominique]

What is going on with you two? Having a bad day?

 

Dominique noone said Angie didnt take care of herself. She just sees the situation differently than you do. Im sure you are trying to be helpful but it isnt coming across to Angie that way.

 

And Angie buck up - if Dominique feels the need to think that that she is hotter and more knowledgable about how to be hot when shes never even met you or seen you how much stock do you want to put in it? She thinks she is being helpful because what she does works for her. Noone is attacking you.

 

Stop bickering. Think happy thoughts.

 

Sweetie, my thoughts are always happy....thanks for the good wishes though...

 

Tis this gal who came on here so stridently asserting (!) that it was "scientifically" impossible to look better in your late thirties than in one's twenties "without surgery" and I am proof to the contrary. Any harm in that? I just did not want to see the girl mired in negative thoughts and cynicism about age.

 

And as for you, get out there and starting flirting, enjoy being a woman and forget this nonsense about "my age this and that".

 

Cheers to all---

Dom

[angie2443]

http://www.michaelevansachs.com/documents/radiance2.pdf

 

I hope this works. There are also fun sites that can age your face, so you see how the features change over time. As for the nose, you see this affect in every day life. Look at a baby, then a child, then a teen, than a 25 year old and so on. You will see the gradual down turn of the nose.

 

I actually don't feel negative about aging because I invest most of my emotional energy in other things besides my appearance. This doesn't mean that I don't take care of myself. I eat the foods with the highest antioxidants and work out. I use sunscreen and lotions that have antioxidants in it to protect my skin. I get carded to (well, I don't buy alcohol now because I'm pregnant but I did get carded before that). Still, I know better than to think I could compete with the average twenty year old in the looks department. No average 34 year could compete with the average 20 year old in this way. I think the point that I was originally trying to make before I became side tracked was that it is better to focus on your inner self instead of your outer self as you age. No matter how well you take care of yourself, you will age. It's a loosing battle to try to keep looking like a twenty year old when every year you move farther away from that. I see women do this all the time and it seems sadly desperate. Investing in the things that improve with age is a much better way to keep a positive outlook as you grow older.

[Lookingforward]

Where did Dom say she was "competing" with 20somethings? She simply stated SHE herself felt SHE looked better now than then.

 

Anyway be that as it may...you obviously have some "issues" of your own. Why are you so invested in this particular mindset you've shown us here?

 

This thread is/was about whether there is something better out there after an affair ends, not whether you think you look better than a 20 year old, and as you're pregnant I can probably safely assume it's not a question that troubles you a whole lot.

[Lookingforward]

jj, even if there IS something(one) better out there, you sure won't find it while being IN an affair relationship, right?

 

Someone better won't want someone who is already entangled

 

So far better to be alone and available for whatever the future holds.

[Dominique]

http://www.michaelevansachs.com/documents/radiance2.pdf

 

I hope this works. There are also fun sites that can age your face, so you see how the features change over time. As for the nose, you see this affect in every day life. Look at a baby, then a child, then a teen, than a 25 year old and so on. You will see the gradual down turn of the nose.

 

I actually don't feel negative about aging because I invest most of my emotional energy in other things besides my appearance. This doesn't mean that I don't take care of myself. I eat the foods with the highest antioxidants and work out. I use sunscreen and lotions that have antioxidants in it to protect my skin. I get carded to (well, I don't buy alcohol now because I'm pregnant but I did get carded before that). Still, I know better than to think I could compete with the average twenty year old in the looks department. No average 34 year could compete with the average 20 year old in this way. I think the point that I was originally trying to make before I became side tracked was that it is better to focus on your inner self instead of your outer self as you age. No matter how well you take care of yourself, you will age. It's a loosing battle to try to keep looking like a twenty year old when every year you move farther away from that. I see women do this all the time and it seems sadly desperate. Investing in the things that improve with age is a much better way to keep a positive outlook as you grow older.

 

Uh, I'll pass on the leisure time fun stuff that seems to amuse you there--I have better things to do, no really...

 

Point is, I am not the average anything, and yes, I very much do "compete" with the 20 year olds in the sense of just natural comparison, not active competition or obsessed analyzing. For one thing, if I may say so, my body is far better. Sad to see how many of the kiddies are so out of shape...even the "thin" ones.

 

I do not "try" to look twenty. I just do look llike someone who could probably pass for mid to late twenties.

 

Lookingforward...you make some nice points. But it is no use. This poster is feeling ungainly for some reason.

 

I'll sign off on this one now (I promise)

 

Dom

[angie2443]

Point is, I am not the average anything, and yes, I very much do "compete" with the 20 year olds in the sense of just natural comparison, not active competition or obsessed analyzing. For one thing, if I may say so, my body is far better. Sad to see how many of the kiddies are so out of shape...even the "thin" ones.

 

(I promise)

 

Dom

 

No 38 year old, no matter how attractive for a 38 year old can compete with an average 20 year old. Again, women are at there most physical attractiveness between the ages of 14 and 24. This coincides with a woman's fertility. She is at her prime around the ages of 14 and 24. You can't refute science. You need to do some hard research on this subject. Oh, and I don't know what your concepts of are of average, but I certainly didn't mean I was plain. Many would call me beautiful. I'm not one to brag, though, and I see people who brag as very ugly and often very wrong as to what they are bragging about. I think you many have a very deluded sense of what you really look like.

[complicatedlife]

No 38 year old, no matter how attractive for a 38 year old can compete with an average 20 year old. Again, women are at there most physical attractiveness between the ages of 14 and 24. This coincides with a woman's fertility. She is at her prime around the ages of 14 and 24. You can't refute science. You need to do some hard research on this subject. Oh, and I don't know what your concepts of are of average, but I certainly didn't mean I was plain. Many would call me beautiful. I'm not one to brag, though, and I see people who brag as very ugly and often very wrong as to what they are bragging about. I think you many have a very deluded sense of what you really look like.

 

Doesn't everyone age differently? Aging depends on a number of things which include diet (people don't seem to get just how important this is and how important drinking water is), how you take care of your self (use of make-up, how much sleep you get, etc), and genetics. I think genetics plays a huge part. Also, race plays a role in it as well...I'm black and we get things like moles and "white marks" more so than lines and wrinkles as we age. So many things come into play here - I have seen so many variations, both professionally and personally - 40 year olds who look like they're in their 60's, and women who are 30 who can certainly pass for 21. I am well into my 30's and I always...ALWAYS get carded for everything- no exaggeration- my mom who is approaching 60 looks like she's in her early 30's and noone believes she's my mom - everyone believes we're sisters. But, of course, this is all my opinion and in my experience.

[Dominique]

No 38 year old, no matter how attractive for a 38 year old can compete with an average 20 year old. Again, women are at there most physical attractiveness between the ages of 14 and 24. This coincides with a woman's fertility. She is at her prime around the ages of 14 and 24. You can't refute science. You need to do some hard research on this subject. Oh, and I don't know what your concepts of are of average, but I certainly didn't mean I was plain. Many would call me beautiful. I'm not one to brag, though, and I see people who brag as very ugly and often very wrong as to what they are bragging about. I think you many have a very deluded sense of what you really look like.

 

My dear, dear girl,

 

Such hostility. I suppose it is the hormones of your pregnancy so we'll just overlook that.

 

I don't care about your wacky science, wherever you may have culled it from. It is silliness from the outset. Firstly, there are many "ugly duckling" teenagers--14 and above--who emerge into swans in their twenties and thirties. How many times have we heard of the great beauty who said she had no attention, no looks at her in high school...

 

Again, my dear, I naturally "compete" with the 20 year olds because I have beautiful physical proportions, no excess fat whatsoever, and beautiful, radiant skin. This is not delusion, it is the daily fact of the matter and what I am told. You can call it "bragging" I am simply denying you your comfortable assumptions (and your silly science).

 

Complicated Life makes a further good point: genes. My mother is seventy-three, never has had a facial let alone surgery, dresses conservatively, wears barely any makeup save for lipstick, and people--from bus drivers to new friends and acquaintances to salespeople--cannot believe her age should they happen to find out. She loves it. And I benefit from it.

 

Ta-Ta and Tut-Tut, my child...

 

DOM

[torranceshipman]

Actually this thread made me giggle as a couple of weeks ago, a hot guy I know (an ex) made a major playfor me behind the back of his 20 yr old girlfriend who is also a model, and he (quite inapproprately I might add) reminded me how much he finds me attractive and said he thought I was way more attractive than his current girlf (they were only together a few weeks). I was mad at him for being so dishonest but just thought it was funny to tell you my story after reading one poster who said a late-30s could never compete with an early 20s (ok so I'm only 33 but still!). I'm not making any kind of point here, just thought my story was quite timely to share

 

And to the original poster, it makes no difference if there is something better out there or not...there is still NO excuse to stay in a bad situation. Plus being with a single guy is better than being with an MM period, so as it is, theres lots of 'betters' out there for you!

 

And I do believe theres someone out there who will make you very happy but I think it comes down to whether we make good choices and become the people we;re capable of being, and as a result give ourselves the opportunity to be open and available to that great person when they come along (or make the mistake of missing them cause our minds are in the wrong place!).

[Reggie]

Well, I've seen plenty of older woman that are more attractive than some younger ones. Just depends on lifestyle. And, of course, this is just my take, what appeals to me.

But , seriously, with all the recent stuff on diet and working out, folks look better a lot longer than they used to. Read Ellington Darden's "Living Sronger, Longer, Your Second Middle age". For guys it's all about weight resistance training. There are some 60 year old guys at my gym that are amazing.

[RecordProducer]

No 38 year old, no matter how attractive for a 38 year old can compete with an average 20 year old. Again, women are at there most physical attractiveness between the ages of 14 and 24. This coincides with a woman's fertility. She is at her prime around the ages of 14 and 24. You can't refute science. You need to do some hard research on this subject. Oh, and I don't know what your concepts of are of average, but I certainly didn't mean I was plain. Many would call me beautiful. I'm not one to brag, though, and I see people who brag as very ugly and often very wrong as to what they are bragging about. I think you many have a very deluded sense of what you really look like.

Angie, it seems like someone has instilled this devastating-for-self-esteem attitude that a woman is most attractive physically en very young (so what?) and that we should accept that. The latter notion is the one that we have a problem with. Attractive for whom? For your mortgage broker? You're not attractive as a 14-year old for him. For your friends? No, it's for men. Sure, I might not be attractive enough for a 20-year old, but I don't want a 20-year old. I want a man who is in his 40s (I am 33) and if he only cares about a tight young ass, he can have it. He probably can't have it, because his isn't as tight either. We age, but our (potential) partners age too. Why compete on the looks front when we have so much to offer in every aspect, including looks? I think everyone should try to maintain proper weight and take care of themselves, but how you look naked is not that important at 40 as it is when you're 20. And if you're wh the right man, he won't analyze your wrinkles and cellulite, like a 25-year old guy would. I think I have a lot to offer as a compagnion and I really don't care if someone would prefer to sleep with a tight ass.

 

Why don't we talk about the ages when a woman is most charming, wise, and witty instead? I am not saying that looks aren't important. Of course, they are, but to feel like less of a woman because I am not as perfect physically as I was 15 years ago is pointless and wrong.

 

You are pregnant and you're probably worried that the pregnancy will ruin your body. Don't be! Yes, you can correct your body with plastic surgery if it really matters to you, but you can't be attractive at any age if you don't let your charm and personality shine. Angie, may I ask how old is the father of your baby?

[angie2443]

http://www.geocities.com/Omegaman_UK/beauty.html

 

There were a couple of articles on this in Newsweek and Time magazine, but that was a while back. There were also a bunch of tv shows on this a while back.

 

What I've been stating all along, is that on a purely physical level (fertility), women do start to decline after 24. If you are talking about beauty on a purely physical level, a women of 40 can't compete with her 20 year old self. It wouldn't make sense. Time would have to be moving backward. I don't know why people are so frightened of this. This is a natural part of like. Could it be that, like the rest of society, women are placing so much importance on their appearance that they become scared when they see the signs of their physical aging? Do older women really have to compete with women their daughter's age to feel self worth?

 

As far as the pregnancy, this is my fourth. I could have 10 more and it wouldn't change much about my body.

[Geishawhelk]

What I've been stating all along, is that on a purely physical level (fertility), women do start to decline after 24.

 

THis is incorrect. Whilst this might have been true 20 years ago, it is extremely common for women to have perfectly normal and healthy pregnancies well into their 30's now.

 

If you are talking about beauty on a purely physical level, a women of 40 can't compete with her 20 year old self. It wouldn't make sense. Time would have to be moving backward. I don't know why people are so frightened of this. This is a natural part of like. Could it be that, like the rest of society, women are placing so much importance on their appearance that they become scared when they see the signs of their physical aging? Do older women really have to compete with women their daughter's age to feel self worth?

 

When you have adverts pumping out at all times and hours of the day, on all commercial channels, for products which delay the signs of ageing, make you look younger, keep back the years, hide all the grey, hide the lines, fill the imperfections, keep you young, hide your age.....

is it any wonder women have a terrible complex about getting older?

It may certainly be an inevitable part of life, but everything screams out at us that it's avoidable!

 

By comparison, other than for the odd hair-tint lotion, what adverts do you have which tell men that getting old is taboo....?

[norajane]

Do older women really have to compete with women their daughter's age to feel self worth?

 

Of course not. And, with some exceptions, most women do not compete with women half their age, nor do they care to, nor do they need to.

 

is it any wonder women have a terrible complex about getting older?

 

Not all women do. In my experience, it is young women who have this fear much more so than women who actually are older. Those of us who are 40 already know that sex appeal is timeless, and we attract men no matter what age we are.

 

Give men some credit, ladies! While they may appreciate a young woman's beauty, older men also are drawn to women their own age and appreciate us as well. If you aren't finding that, then you are hanging around immature men who have their own fears about aging and not being attractive anymore! If an older man is going solely for younger women, he's trying to prove to himself that he's still attractive.

[Dominique]

http://www.geocities.com/Omegaman_UK/beauty.html

 

There were a couple of articles on this in Newsweek and Time magazine, but that was a while back. There were also a bunch of tv shows on this a while back.

 

What I've been stating all along, is that on a purely physical level (fertility), women do start to decline after 24. If you are talking about beauty on a purely physical level, a women of 40 can't compete with her 20 year old self. It wouldn't make sense. Time would have to be moving backward. I don't know why people are so frightened of this. This is a natural part of like. Could it be that, like the rest of society, women are placing so much importance on their appearance that they become scared when they see the signs of their physical aging? Do older women really have to compete with women their daughter's age to feel self worth?

 

As far as the pregnancy, this is my fourth. I could have 10 more and it wouldn't change much about my body.

 

 

Angie,

 

It is not a matter of being "frightened". There is nothing wrong with wanting to look your best as long as possible. It isn't the "media"'s fault or "society"'s. You are no doubt a consumer of media and enjoy social company as much as anyone. No one forces skin care lotion on an unsuspecting female.

 

You are just wrong about someone at 40 not being able to compete with people in their twenties. It might not always or usually be the case, but it can be. First of all, a great body with firm skin is possible if you are not junking it up with sun, sugar, alcohol and tobacco. This plus excellent eating habits modern dermatology says, would theoretically allow a woman to have great skin into her 50s--so says Dr. Perricone a very well known dermatologist. My skin has become much, much clearer and tighter since I cut out all sugar and I am regularly told, even by my highly critical parents, how much younger I look when I see them.

 

No surgery, no botox, no nonsense.

 

I really don't know why you won't conceded that this isn't or couldn't be the case with some women.

 

DOM

[Lookingforward]

Dom, Dom...

 

Remember you are trying to convince someone that honestly thinks the following is the truth.......

 

As far as the pregnancy, this is my fourth. I could have 10 more and it wouldn't change much about my body.

 

ROFLMAO - I mean ....please

 

If she truly believes her body hasn't changed at ALL after 3 pregnancies she's already in la la land

[angie2443]

Dom, Dom...

 

Remember you are trying to convince someone that honestly thinks the following is the truth.......

 

 

 

ROFLMAO - I mean ....please

 

If she truly believes her body hasn't changed at ALL after 3 pregnancies she's already in la la land

 

I never said my body hasn't changed. I said at this point, I could have more and it isn't going to change because of the other pregnancies. I guess you have no children and don't understand.

[angie2443]

 

 

When you have adverts pumping out at all times and hours of the day, on all commercial channels, for products which delay the signs of ageing, make you look younger, keep back the years, hide all the grey, hide the lines, fill the imperfections, keep you young, hide your age.....

is it any wonder women have a terrible complex about getting older?

It may certainly be an inevitable part of life, but everything screams out at us that it's avoidable!

 

By comparison, other than for the odd hair-tint lotion, what adverts do you have which tell men that getting old is taboo....?

 

This is why I think it is so important for both mothers and fathers to teach both their sons and daughters to value girls for their intelligence, their charector, their sense of humor, ect., instead of placing such a high premium on their daughter's outside appearance.

[Lookingforward]

I never said my body hasn't changed. I said at this point, I could have more and it isn't going to change because of the other pregnancies. I guess you have no children and don't understand.

 

Then you'd be guessing wrong......I have 3

[torranceshipman]

Angie, actually you CAN refute science, because the entire philosophy of the natural sciences is based on the concept of refutational logic! If we could not refute, the course of science as we know it could not progress.

 

I guess that's pedantic of me to point out, but hey