What if there isnt something "better" out there

[jj33]

Y'all are crazy. I dont "compete" with anyone for a man. If a man doesnt appreciate me then that is his problem, not mine. This is not some sort of beauty pageant auditions...

 

I am over my bout of insanity. Am I currently near my ex's hometown (about 2 hour flight away) and he now lives abroad. texted him just to say was thinking of him as I havent been near there in years (we broke up a few years ago). he called me immediately to say he happened to be home visiting his family and did I want him to fly down and see me for the day....

 

hard to imagine calling x MM in 6 years and having him make such an offer. As I am here on business it doesnt make sense, but the offer was so sweet and sincere and a testament to what we shared. Shook me out of my funk.

 

And ladies he is considerably younger than I am so... lets stop the nonsense about whose body is better - if you think that is how you "get" a good man then you are sorely mistaken. Good men arent "gotten" anyway. Wake up. Sad to say some of you never got the point of my post. It was never about looks and games though it obviously is for some of you. So have at it. Keep bickering about the superficial if that is what does it for you.

[D-Lish]

Y'all are crazy. I dont "compete" with anyone for a man. If a man doesnt appreciate me then that is his problem, not mine. This is not some sort of beauty pageant auditions...

 

I am over my bout of insanity. Am I currently near my ex's hometown (about 2 hour flight away) and he now lives abroad. texted him just to say was thinking of him as I havent been near there in years (we broke up a few years ago). he called me immediately to say he happened to be home visiting his family and did I want him to fly down and see me for the day....

 

hard to imagine calling x MM in 6 years and having him make such an offer. As I am here on business it doesnt make sense, but the offer was so sweet and sincere and a testament to what we shared. Shook me out of my funk.

 

And ladies he is considerably younger than I am so... lets stop the nonsense about whose body is better - if you think that is how you "get" a good man then you are sorely mistaken. Good men arent "gotten" anyway. Wake up. Sad to say some of you never got the point of my post. It was never about looks and games though it obviously is for some of you. So have at it. Keep bickering about the superficial if that is what does it for you.

 

Hmm, yes- I do think your thread got high-jacked.

 

So are you saying, you didn't meet up with him?

Is he still married?

[jj33]

Hey Dlish. Old bf wasnt married when I was with him. He was my last big relationship pre MM. No I cant ditch bus meetings to see him and it doesnt make sense for him to fly down just for lunch. If we could have spent day together or even all afternoon would have been worth it but my schedule is too tight (and no that would not have been hanky panky just catching up as we now live in different parts of the world). I will see him next time he is in my area tho that may not be for a year or so.

 

Dont mind that the thread got hijacked just think its a shame that these posters are competing on who looks better and how good they need to look to "get" a man and just wont quit having a go at each other. . And even if you do buy into that, its pretty hilarious as its all cyber... noone knows what anyone looks like. But youd think they had swapped swimsuit photos.

[marlena]

Dont mind that the thread got hijacked just think its a shame that these posters are competing on who looks better and how good they need to look to "get" a man and just wont quit having a go at each other. . And even if you do buy into that, its pretty hilarious as its all cyber... noone knows what anyone looks like. But youd think they had swapped swimsuit photos.

 

Haha!! Hilarious really. We can all say we look like Sharon Stone, can't we?

 

As an older woman, I will share my thoughts with you. It is not all about tinsel and gift-wrapping paper. What separates the women from the girls,so to speak, is something very elusive that does not come from a Victoria's Secret catalogue.

 

Looks help but today any woman can find a style that suits her and is in keeping with her very unique personality. What's more important, in my opinion, is confidence and that comes through working on yourself, improving yourself, gathering experiences, broadening your horizons,enrichening your store of knowledge and becoming an individual that ANYONE would like to be with. It is taking pride in your accomplishments, liking who you are and feeling comfortable in your own skin. No nail polish or flimsy garment is going to do this for you.

 

It's an aura, an appeal that goes beyond the superficial. Women have ceased to be mysterious and this has worked against them I think. Just like women like to be wooed by men, men like to be intrigued by a woman.

[RecordProducer]

I never said my body hasn't changed. I said at this point, I could have more and it isn't going to change because of the other pregnancies. I guess you have no children and don't understand.

 

This is why I think it is so important for both mothers and fathers to teach both their sons and daughters to value girls for their intelligence, their charector, their sense of humor, ect., instead of placing such a high premium on their daughter's outside appearance.

Oh, I get it. I really do. Won't say anything else, except that with some work you can look better than ever.

[jj33]

Haha!! Hilarious really. We can all say we look like Sharon Stone, can't we?

 

As an older woman, I will share my thoughts with you. It is not all about tinsel and gift-wrapping paper. What separates the women from the girls,so to speak, is something very elusive that does not come from a Victoria's Secret catalogue.

 

Looks help but today any woman can find a style that suits her and is in keeping with her very unique personality. What's more important, in my opinion, is confidence and that comes through working on yourself, improving yourself, gathering experiences, broadening your horizons,enrichening your store of knowledge and becoming an individual that ANYONE would like to be with. It is taking pride in your accomplishments, liking who you are and feeling comfortable in your own skin. No nail polish or flimsy garment is going to do this for you.

 

It's an aura, an appeal that goes beyond the superficial.

 

I couldnt agree with you more. The looks dont hurt being well groomed is a good thing but some women just ooze beauty even at 60 with no make up. But (back to my original point) sometimes you still dont meet someone. Its very complicated and sometimes it is just luck and fate. But that is just my view. I dont think there are any guarantees.

[marlena]

sometimes you still dont meet someone.

 

Or you may not meet someone with whom you can have a deep connection. So, the way I see it is a) you settle for less or b) you find happiness alone until/if love comes knocking on your door again.

 

Personally, I go with b. I am grateful for the times I have loved and been loved in my life and am hopeful that it might happen again. If it doesn't, that's OK, too. You can't have it ALL and AlWAYS. I count my blessings and soldier on.

[OpenBook]

Or you may not meet someone with whom you can have a deep connection. So, the way I see it is a) you settle for less or b) you find happiness alone until/if love comes knocking on your door again.

 

Personally, I go with b. I am grateful for the times I have loved and been loved in my life and am hopeful that it might happen again. If it doesn't, that's OK, too. You can't have it ALL and AlWAYS. I count my blessings and soldier on.

 

I'll second that! Well put, Marlena - that's exactly where I'm at, too. And to add to that - I'm more than a little relieved that I've survived it all and here I am, still standing!!

 

There is so much more to life than romantic love. I'm finally at a place where I can actually enjoy the rich tapestry of my life...

 

CHILD (0-18yrs): Did what parents/teachers told me to do. Goal was to please them.

 

YOUNG ADULT (19-29yrs): Completely insane. Always trying to find myself, through trial and error and lots of it!! College, marriage, kid, divorce. And there I land with a resounding Umphhh.

 

THIRTY-SOMETHING (30-39yrs): Workhorse Mom. 'Nuff said.

 

FABULOUS FORTIES (40-49yrs): Life really does begin at 40. Learned to appreciate the good stuff, and just ride out the bad parts.

 

FIFTIES (50-59yrs): I have no idea, I'm not there yet!!

 

Somewhere in my 30's, it started to dawn on me. I said to myself, "Self, why can't I be happy no matter what happens to me? There's gotta be a way to sustain that feeling of contentment and peace. I've seen others do it. Why can't I?" And that's been the most important work I've ever done on myself. It's taken awhile (years) to achieve it. I'm still working on it in some ways.

 

But it's been worth every hard knock, every moment of doubt, every difficult circumstance.

 

So in answer to the OP's question, "What if there isn't something 'better' out there?", I say - "There is. And it's YOU - everything you are, and everything you will become in the future." Just do what you love, and let the rest take care of itself.

[marlena]

I'll second that! Well put, Marlena - that's exactly where I'm at, too. And to add to that - I'm more than a little relieved that I've survived it all and here I am, still standing!!

 

 

Exactly. We got here in one piece,LOL!!! And are better for it!!

 

 

CHILD (0-18yrs): Did what parents/teachers told me to do. Goal was to please them.

 

YOUNG ADULT (19-29yrs): Completely insane. Always trying to find myself, through trial and error and lots of it!! College, marriage, kid, divorce. And there I land with a resounding Umphhh.

 

THIRTY-SOMETHING (30-39yrs): Workhorse Mom. 'Nuff said.

 

FABULOUS FORTIES (40-49yrs): Life really does begin at 40. Learned to appreciate the good stuff, and just ride out the bad parts.

 

 

 

 

That about sums it up perfectly.

 

FIFTIES (50-59yrs): I have no idea, I'm not there yet!!

 

I am and, believe me, it's even better.

 

For the first time, I am FREE!!! I don't need to prove anything to anyone...least of all to myself. All the fragmented parts of myself just fell into place and the person gazing back at me form the mirror had an enigmatic Mona Lisa smile. Finally, I understood....

[OpenBook]

For the first time, I am FREE!!! I don't need to prove anything to anyone...least of all to myself. All the fragmented parts of myself just fell into place and the person gazing back at me form the mirror had an enigmatic Mona Lisa smile. Finally, I understood....

 

:lmao: I hear ya ML!!

[angie2443]

Oh, I get it. I really do. Won't say anything else, except that with some work you can look better than ever.

 

My body isn't dammaged, although your comment seems to imply that it is. It doesn't look much differant than it did before I had children except for a little pooch I now have. I think it's cute and it reminds me of my babies.

 

I have no idea why you would want to say that about someone you don't know. I guess you're just a catty person. You sound like you have no children either to make such an ignorant statement.

[DealingWDrama]

Looks have NOTHING to do with why a MM cheats on his wife. I know this personally - there aren't many women in this world who are as striking as I am...my H cheated on me with a woman 10 years older - I'm 31, she's his age 41...and she has VERY bad skin and a horrid personality...it took a while for the personality to peak through. Their relationship was based on her willingness to listen to him...they had a lot in common...age, career, memories of the 80s, ect. Remember ladies:

A beautiful woman will turn his head. A sensual woman will 'peak' his interests. It is the woman who is willing to listen and not judge who has his heart.

9 times out of 10 affairs begin because needs are not being met at home...

[angie2443]

Dont mind that the thread got hijacked just think its a shame that these posters are competing on who looks better and how good they need to look to "get" a man and just wont quit having a go at each other. . And even if you do buy into that, its pretty hilarious as its all cyber... noone knows what anyone looks like. But youd think they had swapped swimsuit photos.

 

You're right. Some of the posters here, including myself, have become catty and/or defensive over some pretty stupid stuff. We don't know what we look like and I don't see the point in making nasty comments or responding to them or trying to prove any points so I'm done with that. Sorry for my part in it.

 

Anyways, I just had the sense from your first post that you were wondering if you had to settle to be with a man. From the sounds of it, your situation isn't that bad, although I only know your situation from what's on this thread. I guess, there some things worth settling for and other things that we should never settle for. It's up to each person to decide what they can put up with and what they can't. Good luck.

[RecordProducer]

My body isn't dammaged, although your comment seems to imply that it is. It doesn't look much differant than it did before I had children except for a little pooch I now have. I think it's cute and it reminds me of my babies.

 

I have no idea why you would want to say that about someone you don't know. I guess you're just a catty person. You sound like you have no children either to make such an ignorant statement.

I am sorry that you found yourself offended by what I said; that was really not my intention. It sounded to me as though you were implying that your body was "damaged." I've seen this happen with many women and I just think that with a little bit of work they could go back to feeling good about themselves, rather than grieve over their young-day bodies. Sorry that you took it the wrong way and I'm sorry that I took your statements the wrong way. Even if a woman's body is damaged, there is nothing wrong with that; I don't see preserving a sexy figure as a big accomplishment in life. That was my whole point in my previous posts: that I can be a hot mama in my 30's and 40's and 50s without having a perfectly tight body. Especially if I add my life experience and charm to the package. Yes, I do have children.

[RecordProducer]

A beautiful woman will turn his head. A sensual woman will 'peak' his interests. It is the woman who is willing to listen and not judge who has his heart.

9 times out of 10 affairs begin because needs are not being met at home...

I think your accepting the blame 100% for his infidelity is detrimental to your mental/emotional health. While it might be true that he had the urge to cheat because you didn't listen and you judged him (or so he says), the woman who listens is not necessarily the type of woman that will conquer his heart. Don't forget, the beautiful you conquered his heart - that's why he married you. And I am sure you have other qualities as well, but beauty is a huge factor for men. It's not quite certain that your husband fell in love with his other woman. Many times, we fall in love simply because we want to fall in love - to escape the unreturned love of someone else or to fullfil our need for intimacy and affection.

 

When betrayed, most women feel like they were forgotten, but I believe in many cases the husband had revenge in mind and not for one moment did he forget the woman at home. They want to know that they can make us happy, but too often they fail. Then it seems to them that we judge them, but really, we just have higher standards and can't just smile at their selfishness.

 

He just went for the woman who was willing to spread her legs, because it was easier to get gratification on the side than work on the marriage - unless he tried hard to save the marriage, and you were not responsive to his attempts.

[RecordProducer]

For the first time, I am FREE!!! I don't need to prove anything to anyone..

My mom said this when she entered her 50's. Marlena, you bring a fresh breeze with the deep layers of your beauty and wisdom. I literally feel the muscles in my chest relaxing when I read your posts or emails. You have the ability to simplify the most complex things.

FIFTIES (50-59yrs): I have no idea, I'm not there yet!!

What about after 59? To tell you the truth, I would love to have a good husband, a true friend to trust, laugh with, make love with... it just doesn't happen that often. I would be perfectly happy without a man now, but I think if somebody told me that I'd never meet the right man for me, I would instantly burst in tears. But I would get used to the fact.

 

Somewhere in my 30's, it started to dawn on me. I said to myself, "Self, why can't I be happy no matter what happens to me? There's gotta be a way to sustain that feeling of contentment and peace. I've seen others do it. Why can't I?"

Interesting. I started having this feeling as of recently. I noticed that often I feel revived through some ideas about my future or when I laugh a lot of when I feel validated. Sometimes I feel good (or not so good) for no obvious reason. And I would like to catch the "ingredients" that give me that good feeling, so I can keep it. I believe this has to do with our hormones. I started thinking about when I had a major down a week ago (crying, feeling lost, etc.) and then suddenly I felt slight cramping, I got my period, and my mood went up as I was injected with some serum of happiness. Other than that, nothing changed on that day.

 

I think hormones affect other enzymes which further affect our brains. Indeed, doctors use chemical substances to relieve pain, calm anger, lift mood, sedate, etc. Well, of course, we don't want to use drugs, but if we could find a way to induce our body (to force the habit) to produce these hormones regularly, perhaps we could always feel good. Apparently, the best way is to have good things happen: when we make love or laugh or receive gratification, it makes our bodies produce the fee-good chemicals. But since all these things don't happen to us regularly, what can replace them?