What if there isnt something "better" out there

[Owl]

I said slowly depreciate. There is a differance. Based on appearance alone, a woman's prime is between the ages of 14 and 24. This does not mean that a woman starts looking like crap after that. Yes, you can keep yourself in shape. However, do not fool yourself. You can not possibly look better it your late thirties than in your twenties unless you were overweight or had severe acne in your youth. It doesn't make sense, unless you've lost a lot of weight or maybe have had surgery. Now, you can advance mentally and emotionally. For some reason though, these things aren't as valued in women as their looks.

 

I'd say that this is a pretty harsh view about men.

 

So...men are shallow and place value on looks over 'what's on the inside'?

 

What about men in the same age categories?

 

Sadly, we don't look so hot either. I'm in that upper age bracket, and even given the fact that I'm blessed with decent genes that have allowed me to keep my hair, and keep it dark...I can't compete with some 20 year old kid either.

 

I think its pretty stereotypical (and rather unfair) to claim that men in my age bracket would only go for some pretty younger thing.

 

Sorry...I'm happy with the lady I got...and she's older than I am!

[Dominique]

I said slowly depreciate. There is a differance. Based on appearance alone, a woman's prime is between the ages of 14 and 24. This does not mean that a woman starts looking like crap after that. Yes, you can keep yourself in shape. However, do not fool yourself. You can not possibly look better it your late thirties than in your twenties unless you were overweight or had severe acne in your youth. It doesn't make sense, unless you've lost a lot of weight or maybe have had surgery. Now, you can advance mentally and emotionally. For some reason though, these things aren't as valued in women as their looks.

 

 

Uh, sorry hon, I have had no surgery and I was never overweight and I still look far more beautiful in my late thirties than I did in my late twenties or teens.

 

I eat like a bird. I get lots of fresh air. I do not smoke or drink. I do not watch T.V. I use few creams and snake oils on my skin. I walk eight miles every other day or every three days or at least a brisk walk when I can. I have never done drugs and I don't bake in the sun.

 

Prime between 14 and 24???? What bunk! There are those girls who peak young and then fall apart but it has usually been ushered in by bad personal habits, drugs, what have you.

 

It is also nonsense that men do not value the mental and emotional. All the best men I have known have found that very important. Gee, I do do some things right...

 

Your problem, my dear, is that you are hanging around the wrong men and are in the wrong environment. Get rid of that negativity and I assure you the situation will change.

 

Dom

[RecordProducer]

We all tell each other its better there is more for you.

With all our obsession with love on the one hand and suffering due to our loves on the other hand, I wonder how people can't realize that we experience a very small portion of our happiness through loving someone. Added in years, how many years has each of us spent happily in love? And how many years in pain because of love?

 

If you're happy, don't quit the relationship. But if you're not, you shouldn't settle for pain just because that might be your last chance to love and be loved. How much value does it have fo you to be someone's mistress or casual girlfriend? Frankly, I am starting to resent all the infatuation between a man and a woman that brings a short perod of pleasure and long years of pain. If I can't have someone stable and good in my life as a husband, I don't want the empty excitement. What if I get cancer when I am 50? Will my BF or MM or FWB come and nurture me? I think it's way more miserable to have sex and fun with someone and know that he will be there for his wife, but should you end up in the hospital, you're no fun anymore - because you're in his life only for fun.

 

What I am saying is: you're alone anyway when you're dating a MM. He is not your lifetime partner, he is not loyal and faithful to you, he doesn't truly love you. He just truly enjoys your company. If that's what you want, go for it. Many women don't have happy marriages or are single. It's reality we have to accept. Some women become widows at some point and have to continue living alone. But by knowing what you want and being open to meeting someone new at any age, you're at least in balance with your emotional needs - you are working on your happiness by not giving up hope. Often, hope is all we have - forever.

 

There is an even chance I will be alone for the rest of my life. I am older than most of the posters on here. I was alone for years before I met MM.

Many married women are alone for years after they get married. Finding true love is luxury, not a default plan that life has for us.

[angie2443]

I'd say that this is a pretty harsh view about men.

 

 

It's a harsh view of men and women (not all, but many). I see women with the same attitude and the media also potrays this attitude. "Men are important for who they are on the inside, women are important for who they are on the outside."

[angie2443]

Uh, sorry hon, I have had no surgery and I was never overweight and I still look far more beautiful in my late thirties than I did in my late twenties or teens.

 

 

Prime between 14 and 24???? What bunk! There are those girls who peak young and then fall apart but it has usually been ushered in by bad personal habits, drugs, what have you.

 

Your problem, my dear, is that you are hanging around the wrong men and are in the wrong environment. Get rid of that negativity and I assure you the situation will change.

 

Dom

 

It is scientifically impossible for you to look more beautiful now than you did ten or 20 years ago. If this were true, the aging process in you would have to be in reverse, and you would somehow be growing younger. Again, I'm just talking about the physical aspects of aging, the condition/tightness of the skin, the fullness of the hair, the upturn of the nose (the nose grows downward as we age) and so on. There are many positive aspects to aging, physical attractiveness isn't one of them. This is why I say that women and men need to value women more for what's on the inside. They need to teach their children to do the same.

 

As far as the men I hang around, I don't hang around men that hate women. I've just observed, from work associates, relatives, celebrities, studies, that a woman's value in the dating market does decline as she ages.

[RecordProducer]

It's a harsh view of men and women (not all, but many). I see women with the same attitude and the media also potrays this attitude. "Men are important for who they are on the inside, women are important for who they are on the outside."

I disagree. Men are viewed through the outside things like status and salary way more often than women. If we talk about looks, it's not a matter of value - it's an instinct to be attracted to someone who looks good. Men talk about looks more, but if you look at couples, you'll see many imperfect men and women in love with each other. Men's taste is more standardized, but women can be very picky about looks too. We just don't admit it - but we reject most of the men who make advances because we don't like how they look.

[angie2443]

I disagree. Men are viewed through the outside things like status and salary way more often than women. If we talk about looks, it's not a matter of value - it's an instinct to be attracted to someone who looks good. Men talk about looks more, but if you look at couples, you'll see many imperfect men and women in love with each other. Men's taste is more standardized, but women can be very picky about looks too. We just don't admit it - but we reject most of the men who make advances because we don't like how they look.

 

When I talk about the outside, I only mean the looks. Salary and status are things that can be built up because of what is on the inside. I do think that looks matter to women. I think when women are in there twenties and early thirties, couples are matched up more evenly when it comes to looks. However, I see far more men dating women who are ten years younger than older. I see this more often with men who are 40 are older and cheating or in the dating ring again. Again, this is just what I've observed in my life time, rather in real life or the media.

[RecordProducer]

Salary and status are things that can be built up because of what is on the inside.

That's true. You must admit women get back at men for the discrimination regarding looks. Plus, they worry about their penises.

The thing is, the traits that build the salary and status are not necessarily the good ones.

[Dominique]

It is scientifically impossible for you to look more beautiful now than you did ten or 20 years ago. If this were true, the aging process in you would have to be in reverse, and you would somehow be growing younger. Again, I'm just talking about the physical aspects of aging, the condition/tightness of the skin, the fullness of the hair, the upturn of the nose (the nose grows downward as we age) and so on. There are many positive aspects to aging, physical attractiveness isn't one of them. This is why I say that women and men need to value women more for what's on the inside. They need to teach their children to do the same.

 

As far as the men I hang around, I don't hang around men that hate women. I've just observed, from work associates, relatives, celebrities, studies, that a woman's value in the dating market does decline as she ages.

 

It is not "scientifically impossible" for me to look more beautiful than I did ten 20 years ago because I do. My skin is very tight because I do not eat scads of sugar or drink up booze or soak in the sun. I look far better than many girls I see in their twenties.

 

My nose is just fine, and not "growing down"...thanks.

 

My hair is luscious--past the shoulders and blonde. Fine, but always was.

 

I am probably growing younger. My thighs are super lean, my skin is soft and tight. Why?

 

FOOD people--nothing ages you more than sugars, starches, junk, fats, salts and too much meat. You will find that if you cut waaaay back on what you eat, eat a lot of anti oxidants and fish and keep things fresh I guarantee you you and your skin will begin to improve. I have always had these habits so my results are profound.

 

You are saying what you are saying because it is easier for you to take the attitude "Oh, it all goes downhill at this point so why bother". Not at all. Again, as I said in my earlier post, it is about habits and great attitude.

 

There is nothing wrong with liking good looking people. They are people who take care of themselves. This has never meant for me, on the whole, that intelligence and emotion count for little. In fact, they are the factors that make a person exceptional in a crowd of good-looking individuals.

 

Dom

[jj33]

Dominique what makes you think that the women posting are fat or dont look as well as you do....

 

There are many very attractive fit slim women who are conscientious about their nutrition and exercise that nontheless resent the value that certain men place on their looks. And perhaps they do know the wrong men but it doesnt mean that they arent taking care of themselves.

[Dominique]

I don't assume that.

 

I was addressing one poster's contention that I "couldn't possibly" look better at my age now than I did in my twenties or teens, and I am saying I look ravenously better, through discipline and careful eating...and not sitting around complaining about men, life, and the love of good looks.

 

I also tried to make the point that the most attractive men I have known have placed a premium on brains. They want beauty, yes, but they want more. There is a lot of "pretty". But looks plus substance are unforgettable.

 

So enough about "men". There are great men out there.

 

If you are not finding the right person you are in the wrong environment. It isn't "the world" that is bearing down on you so hard, it is your own self-regard within that world.

 

DOM

[jj33]

Well it sounds like you have it all figured out. So what brings you to loveshack?

[Dominique]

I am over on the Friends and Lovers section mainly, as one of these fantastic men is quite difficult!

[RecordProducer]

Well it sounds like you have it all figured out. So what brings you to loveshack?

Hahah!

 

Dominique, you eat right, don't smoke, don't drink, etc. Do you have regular sex? Cuz none of your healthy habits matters if you don't have regular sex.

[Dominique]

Hello R P--a woman who is truly one of the cool chicks here...

 

NO. I am NOT. It is a big grievance in my life! All this to flaunt (kidding ) and...hmph!

 

Send me some swarthy European ex guy pal friend of yours or something...soon!

 

DOM

[angie2443]

It is not "scientifically impossible" for me to look more beautiful than I did ten 20 years ago because I do. My skin is very tight because I do not eat scads of sugar or drink up booze or soak in the sun. I look far better than many girls I see in their twenties.

 

My nose is just fine, and not "growing down"...thanks.

 

My hair is luscious--past the shoulders and blonde. Fine, but always was.

 

I am probably growing younger. My thighs are super lean, my skin is soft and tight. Why?

 

FOOD people--nothing ages you more than sugars, starches, junk, fats, salts and too much meat. You will find that if you cut waaaay back on what you eat, eat a lot of anti oxidants and fish and keep things fresh I guarantee you you and your skin will begin to improve. I have always had these habits so my results are profound.

 

You are saying what you are saying because it is easier for you to take the attitude "Oh, it all goes downhill at this point so why bother". Not at all. Again, as I said in my earlier post, it is about habits and great attitude.

 

There is nothing wrong with liking good looking people. They are people who take care of themselves. This has never meant for me, on the whole, that intelligence and emotion count for little. In fact, they are the factors that make a person exceptional in a crowd of good-looking individuals.

 

Dom

 

 

You're too funny. I have no idea what you look like, but I gaurentee you're nose is turned down compared to how it was 10 to 20 years ago.

 

I eat healthy and work out. Many of us here eat healthy and work out. We can not possibly look better than someone 15 or whatever years younger. Yes, your skin and cartilage continue to grow as you age while your loose colligen in your skin. It happens to everyone. I have no idea why you are on here trying to tell everyone that your perfectly hot and apparently do not age. You can't prove it. No one can prove you wrong. What I know is that there are certain physiological changes that happen to people across the board as the age. Nutrition and exercize can help you age better, but you still age. Unless you're a vampire or have been drinking from the mythical fountain of youth, you do not get to be any differant.

[jj33]

Angie why are you fighting with her? She feels good about herself and doesnt understand why others dont feel as good about themselves. Why try to convince her shes not as hot as she thinks she is? Confidence is a good thing.

[angie2443]

Angie why are you fighting with her? She feels good about herself and doesnt understand why others dont feel as good about themselves. Why try to convince her shes not as hot as she thinks she is? Confidence is a good thing.

 

Confidence is a good thing. bieng conceted and thinking you are physically superior than everone else is not. It is annoying. If she is saying that she looks better than the 20 year old version of herself(remember, she wasn't overweight or anything) and that her nose doesn't turn down (like it does for everyone else), than she is saying she is better than us all. Again, bieng confident is great, bieng full of yourself is not.

[RecordProducer]

Dominique, thanks a bunch.

We can not possibly look better than someone 15 or whatever years younger.

I totally disagree! I acknowledge with no grief (anymore!) that I will never have the tight thighs I once had and I will get more, not less, wrinkles under my eyes.

 

But man, I've never loved myself the way I love myself now. I've never been so self-confident, so sure that I am hot. When I was 15 or 20, I was unahppy cuz I didn't look like the top models. I hated every part of my body, although I was practically perfect. Now I am not perfect, but when I look in the mirror, I just love that woman that I know so well.

[jj33]

There may not be another man out there for the OW. The "better" isn't going to be there anyway if one looks at ending the A as ending their only chance of finding love. MM or not, it smacks of esperation (no offense). I mean, supposed the guy a woman was making this excuse to stay in a R with beat you five ways to Sunday and he wasn't married - would you recommend that she stick with him for fear of loneliness?

 

At some point a person has to do better to get better, and value themselves above their worth to a potential partner.

 

Fear of being alone or growing old(er) alone aren't good reasons for staying in a bad deal of a R - regardless of the morality of the situation.

 

Dominique, thanks a bunch.

I totally disagree! I acknowledge with no grief (anymore!) that I will never have the tight thighs I once had and I will get more, not less, wrinkles under my eyes.

 

But man, I've never loved myself the way I love myself now. I've never been so self-confident, so sure that I am hot. When I was 15 or 20, I was unahppy cuz I didn't look like the top models. I hated every part of my body, although I was practically perfect. Now I am not perfect, but when I look in the mirror, I just love that woman that I know so well.

 

You are so right. When I was younger I was in great shape beautiful and never thought I looked good enough. Now I am more voluptuous but I dont worry about it all and I have a lot more presence. Its not all based on my looks.

 

Basing your sensual self esteem on whether your body and face are unlined and perfect is a losing game. At some point the wrinkles set in etc and if you rely on what is in the mirror to determine if you are attractive no matter how well preserved you are, you are bound to be disappointed.

 

I think part of growing old gracefully (in addition to taking good care of yourself) is appreciating the things about yourself that, in addition to your physical self make you the attractive person that you are.

 

It interesting. I dont wonder whether I will find someone because I dont feel attractive. that is not the issue. Its more of a values and a compatibility thing. Very off topic for this forum so I wont digress but MM was one of the few men I have ever met who really understood me and loved the things about me that I love about myself -- not just the "resume" and the looks.

[Reggie]

I think, jj, that one has to make a decision like this without regard to whether there are better prospects out there. I don't think it's possible to leave morals out of the equation. Our morals guide us and when we contradict them, we hurt ourselves. I think all of us, whether it be in the area of romance, personal wealth, career advancement etc. should do what we know to be right without regard to losing out on an opporunity. I just know I am happier when I am true to myself.

I'm about your age. I'm alone now that my XW left to be with the other man. I guess I'd like to meet someone but , if I don't. I will still have a good life. I have 5 great kids and I'd go through this incredible pain again just to have them in existence.

[jj33]

Everyone's morals are different Reggie. And as you may recall my situation does not offend your morals. You didnt even think it was an affair. You are fortunate to have children. I do not and dont have any family anywhere near where I live.

[GreenEyedLady]

We all tell each other its better there is more for you. Some of the stories told are horrendous and without a doubt the situations are untenable and the disrespect that is suffered should not be suffered by anyone in any circumstances.

 

I wonder though where the MM wasnt bad to the OW. Morals aside - saying its wrong isnt an answer to this question for those of you ready to pounce and say what about the BS.

 

There is an even chance I will be alone for the rest of my life. I am older than most of the posters on here. I was alone for years before I met MM. I have been alone since it ended - and its not because we are in contact see above I was alone before. He treated me well. He loves me. Its not the sort of situation I want for myself so I am not particularly tempted to go back into it. Giving up hope is too incredibly sad. And to me going back would be an admission that I had no hope for my future.

 

But what if that was it for me. What if there is noone else. You hear about that. Women in their 50s who never ever meet anyone again. I think that the decision to give up the A has to be based upon more than the idea that Prince Charming is around the corner. Because he may not be. And if you leave because you think that he is, and hes not, then you are vulnerable to going back.

 

Again this is not a morals question. Its more complicated than that. And in my case the spouse was not "betrayed" and there are no minor children to worry about.

 

You want my advice? Follow your heart.

 

And take his heart through the wringer.

 

If he loves you, truly, more than anyone else, he will not disappoint you. Make him rise to the occasion. If he cannot, he is not the one for you.

 

Dont take bull**** for an excuse.

 

GEL

[GreenEyedLady]

Everyone's morals are different Reggie. And as you may recall my situation does not offend your morals. You didnt even think it was an affair. You are fortunate to have children. I do not and dont have any family anywhere near where I live.

 

Morals doesn't have s*** to do with love. Don't cloud your mind.

[Reggie]

Morals doesn't have s*** to do with love. Don't cloud your mind.

Not sure I agree with this. Regardless, love ain't all it's cracked up to be, at least romantic love, anyway. I'd say it's this purusit of "love" and all the romanticized BS , that really clouds minds and make us stupid.It(romantic love) seldom lasts. I'd choose my moral code over it.