Am I intimidating to girls or something..?

[Mydish1]

It seems like I have a problem attracting girls or there's something wrong with me that's hurting me in the dating scene...that's how I feel sometimes. Don't get met wrong, I'm a pretty confident guy, I carry myself well, dress well, and know how to use body language when I talk, and I smile too at the right girl.

 

There are times where a girl will see me and I notice she might wind up with a deer in the headlights look...it will be like that for a few seconds. And she'll revert back to what she was doing. Although I might try to make EC, I rarely ever get it. And maybe if I notice some more signs, they'll throw their hair back, let it out open, fix it up...or something.

 

Though I have a tendency to just figure they're attention whoring or something. There were times where I approached or made contact with girls with these signs, usually there wouldn't be much results, they might clam up, or we have a nice chat and find out she already has a bf. Because of this it makes me harder for me to trust girls.

 

Here's another thing, sometimes when I meet girls. They might have a b*tch shield up for no reason, or a lot of times they can't look me in the eyes or say a simple hi. It happens with certain guys too (that aren't that confident) that don't know me all that well when we first meet, and they avoid talking or being in my presence. It's not that I'm mean, I'm actually a pretty friendly person and smile. I'm not overly needy, and I don't have to be constantly talking or in someone else's space.

 

I haven't dated for half a year..and I'm just tired. Tired of all this crap..especially from women. The other night me and my friend was at a bar having a drink. Then this girl comes next to me to order a drink and intentionally bumps me with her phone so I'll notice her. So I end up chatting with her. She wound up being a flake as I already suspected.

 

I just wish I could narrow down what or why this is happening...it feels so hopeless.

[Ocean-Blue]

Do you come on too strong maybe?

 

And if you've already decided they're "flakes", what's the point in approaching them?

 

I always say people can sense these things...perhaps that's why you're getting the response you are.

[Mydish1]

Do you come on too strong maybe?

 

And if you've already decided they're "flakes", what's the point in approaching them?

 

I always say people can sense these things...perhaps that's why you're getting the response you are.

 

I don't decide that someone is a flake or not right off the bat. Over the years I've learned more about body language. If I talk to a girl for awhile or just on breaking the ice, I can tell whether or not she's genuinely interested.

Unfortunately generally the case has been that they've turned out to be flakes for these so called women I approach.

 

It might be that these women aren't that confident.

There was one girl I met on the train who seemed pretty genuine and we both made EC and smiled off the bat, unfortunately I didn't have the balls to speak to her.

 

I don't know how strong it is to talk to a girl for 5-10 mins, and suggest a coffee date before parting ways. Shouldn't that be normal?

[Ocean-Blue]

I don't decide that someone is a flake or not right off the bat. Over the years I've learned more about body language. If I talk to a girl for awhile or just on breaking the ice, I can tell whether or not she's genuinely interested.

Unfortunately generally the case has been that they've turned out to be flakes for these so called women I approach.

 

It might be that these women aren't that confident.

There was one girl I met on the train who seemed pretty genuine and we both made EC and smiled off the bat, unfortunately I didn't have the balls to speak to her.

 

I don't know how strong it is to talk to a girl for 5-10 mins, and suggest a coffee date before parting ways. Shouldn't that be normal?

 

It seems to be you are quite intensely focused on getting a number...that might be holding you back when interacting with women.

 

Do you think your approach is casual? Why do you expect to walk away with a number? What about just plain ol' socializing without any kind of return expected?

[Angel1111]

You're smart to be so introspective about why you're not attracting girls - or, I'd say - attracting the right girls. I don't know what that's about really but I've noticed that the majority of people are not in quality relationships so you may be comparing your lack of success with others who actually don't have the success you think they do. In other words, you're probably selective and that limits your dating pool. Just consider it an asset and stop focusing on it.

 

As far as why people stop talking when you're around, I don't know. If you're extremely intelligent, you may come across as arrogant and it can make people feel intimidated. Judging from your post, nothing really stands out. So unless you really doctored up your post before submitting it, I don't know that it's necessarily anything you're doing except that you're just focusing on it too much. Stop looking at every girl or attraction as a potential date. Just enjoy the fun of it and let it go.

[Mydish1]

It seems to be you are quite intensely focused on getting a number...that might be holding you back when interacting with women.

 

Do you think your approach is casual? Why do you expect to walk away with a number? What about just plain ol' socializing without any kind of return expected?

 

Don't get the wrong idea, I'm not focused on getting their # or getting into their pants or sorts. Some of these women I've had fine conversations with and left it at that, and some I've given my business card to also without really expecting much at all.

 

When I interact with women, it's pretty genuine and we do have real conversations.

 

You're smart to be so introspective about why you're not attracting girls - or, I'd say - attracting the right girls. I don't know what that's about really but I've noticed that the majority of people are not in quality relationships so you may be comparing your lack of success with others who actually don't have the success you think they do. In other words, you're probably selective and that limits your dating pool. Just consider it an asset and stop focusing on it.

 

As far as why people stop talking when you're around, I don't know. If you're extremely intelligent, you may come across as arrogant and it can make people feel intimidated. Judging from your post, nothing really stands out. So unless you really doctored up your post before submitting it, I don't know that it's necessarily anything you're doing except that you're just focusing on it too much. Stop looking at every girl or attraction as a potential date. Just enjoy the fun of it and let it go.

 

Truer words have never been spoken my friend.

Anyway, I don't look at every girl as being a potential date. For the most part, I only tend to respond to ones who may send off signals. Otherwise if I don't see the right signs/body language or she doesn't make EC, it isn't worth the trouble. Even if they do, I don't always approach them. Trust me, I'm not the desperate type.

 

I think I am selective in certain ways, but aren't we all? It could be a reason. I wonder if I do come off as an arrogant person though, but I don't see myself in that light. Usually with my friends or co-workers I respond pretty well to criticism and am often open-minded to new ideas/activities.

Sometimes I even reflect on myself on whether I come off pretentious at times - which could in effect come off as insincere to girls..but I don't think I've ever been one to dwell in that kind of thing, as honesty is my best policy. Or perhaps I'm not arrogant enough? dunno...

[Ocean-Blue]

I have a friend who is very smart and witty. Unfortunately, he also comes off as arrogant. He doesn't do well with women because he ends up being too intense. Rather than engage in light chatter and enjoy himself, he gets bogged down with specifics, etc.

 

Are you anything like this?

[Mydish1]

I have a friend who is very smart and witty. Unfortunately, he also comes off as arrogant. He doesn't do well with women because he ends up being too intense. Rather than engage in light chatter and enjoy himself, he gets bogged down with specifics, etc.

 

Are you anything like this?

 

could you please be a little more descriptive about your friend? It'd be interesting to see if I reflect any of that in me.

 

I'm not sure but I tend to find that most men and women find me likeable (as a person in the least), from my co-workers to my female friends. One time I was out for a friend's b-day and her friends tagged along which I had just met. By the end of the night, one of them said aloud that she liked me and that I was non-threatening..and I think all the girls nodded their heads to that. That night was great, we had laughs, I cracked jokes, socialized, and I didn't bust a move on any of them.

 

There is a quiet side to me also, which often also makes me likeable. When my sociable side comes out, there is a possibility that I may come off as arrogant. But I think everyone has an arrogant side to them, if not..wouldn't we all be naiive?

Physically speaking though, I'm a bit of a slim/skinny guy..which I think might be the reason..

[Ronni_W]

Though I have a tendency to just figure they're attention whoring or something.

They might have a b*tch shield up for no reason,

She wound up being a flake as I already suspected.

It's difficult to say from just a couple of posts but, from the three above, it seems like you have some negative opinions about women? The fact that you are deciding/choosing to increasingly distrust girls/women in general, because of your own inability to figure out what is going on between you and a specific few, kind of backs that up.

 

If someone proves what you "already suspected", you DID pre-judge that person, if only on an unconscious level. At this point, maybe your mind just has gotten used to 'looking for' bitch shields, attention whores, and flakes...and so that is exactly what is manifesting as your "reality"?

 

But I think everyone has an arrogant side to them, if not..wouldn't we all be naiive?

Well, acting arrogantly is different than being self-confident and self-assured. Arrogance is sort of an attempt to try to come off as self-confident and self-assured...it ends up being an over-compensation because, internally, we lack a genuine sense of high esteem and worth, if that makes sense?