Will my Sexually Inexperienced husband cheat on me later?

[fifi_fifi]

Help!

 

I've been dating a man for about a year and we are talking of moving in and getting married later.

 

I've had my fair share of sexual partners and feel ready to settle for monogamy.

 

He was a virgin when we met and has since only ever slept with me, and I worry that if we really do marry, he might be tempted by natural male curiosity years later to sleep with another woman to 'see what it's like'.

 

We've talked and he says he loves me, he wouldn't hurt me, he's naturally turned off by the idea of sleeping around and STIs, and he's never had that curiosity. The more I talk about it, the more tempting it seems to become.

 

He feels frustrated that I would prefer him to have had some experience, so I'm not just marrying with a time bomb attached that may or may not go off one day.

 

I feel that without ever knowing what it's like to sleep with another person, you'll never be able to know for sure that you can commit.

 

Should we painfully take a break, and tell him to date around, and consider marriage again when we're ready? He doesn't know about this. I know marriage is about trust, and i won't settle for anything less than a monogamous marriage.

 

But I just feel an inexperienced man is more likely to cheat in future no matter what his values are right now. Marriage should be a 'fully informed' decision.' Or am I being stupid, and should we just continue being together, happy as we are right now? I do need him in my life and we're very close.

 

Thanks for any advice at all.

[Ocean-Blue]

I feel that without ever knowing what it's like to sleep with another person, you'll never be able to know for sure that you can commit.

 

Don't create problems where there are none. Unless he's given you reason (via actions) to think he might step out on you, do not fret about something that you can't control or change.

 

My bf (fiance to be) is the only person I've ever slept with. I honestly don't sit around wondering what it'd be like to be with other men. Lack of sexual experience isn't that big of a deal to me. If he were to suggest that I "date around" and sleep around to get some "experience", I'd be offended and very hurt. I am an adult and can make decisions just fine without such insulting input.

 

You need to have more faith in your R and your bf.

[Nemo]

He is no more or less likely to cheat on you than a person who has "screwed around." In fact, he seems to be rather select about who he dips his noodle into. He chose you, and now you're trying to push him away?!

[Green]

your pretty insane especialy if he was an older guy who never had sex then he was set in his way of not sleeping around. He might have trouble getting laid too its not that easy unless you think hes going to be driven to hookers

[GoodOnPaper]

We've talked and he says he loves me, he wouldn't hurt me, he's naturally turned off by the idea of sleeping around and STIs, and he's never had that curiosity. The more I talk about it, the more tempting it seems to become.

 

Sounds like he actually believes that the intimate connection between you two trumps experience. Do you really want to throw a monkey wrench into that?

 

He feels frustrated that I would prefer him to have had some experience, so I'm not just marrying with a time bomb attached that may or may not go off one day.

 

He may also begin to think that he's lacking somehow compared to the guys you gained your experience with. That will simply drive a wedge between you two.

 

I feel that without ever knowing what it's like to sleep with another person, you'll never be able to know for sure that you can commit.

 

This may be true for some -- I don't know if it's universal. I'm one of those men who is married and deeply regrets not having more prior experience with women. However, I feel that my most intimate relationship was my first one (lasted 2 years). Had that one made it for the long haul, I think I would have fewer lack-of-experience concerns.

[Angel1111]

I think you're wise to give this some consideration but, really, if a guy wants to 'sow his wild oats', so to speak, nothing will stop him from doing that. It doesn't sound like that's his nature. He sounds like a solid guy who knows what he wants.

 

It would be nice to have a crystal ball and know what the future holds but all relationships are a gamble - whether we like to admit that to ourselves or not. It's just a fact. So, is it a gamble to marry him? Yes. Is it a gamble to marry a guy who dates a different woman every week? Yes - because he may never get past that. I think your bf sounds like a great guy and you're both happy with one another. I wouldn't worry about it.

[JamesM]

Another spin is that he may have nothing to compare you to, so you come out ahead.

 

I am guessing that men who have slept around with lots of women would miss that after marriage when they are committed to become monogamous.

[Enema]

How old are you both?

 

I'm of the camp that does share you theory. I think you are more likely to cheat given the opportunity if you have limited sexual experience before marriage.

 

Just an opinion of course, I have no official stats.

[morelaugh]

Trying to predict what will happen is not usually a good thing. The fact that we can’t possibly know what WILL happen, makes it totally useless.

 

Try not to succumb to the society’s influences that you HAVE to have certain number of partners before you get settled. It is no better than ‘have NO sexual partners’.

It’s someone else setting your goals for you.

 

If you are happy with him and if you don’t mind his lack of experience, than I suggest you enjoy it.

 

No one gets to say that after 10 years with him you wouldn’t feel like ‘exploring’ the field.

 

My advice would be: forget the theories and stereotypes – look at the person you are with.

[Walk]

My exH had very limited sexual experience prior to me. Just 1 other girl. He wasn't unfaithful until our marriage was in its final death throes.

 

in my experience, the number of women isn't an issue. It's the type of sex with the one you're with. If you have a very limited scope of positions (i.e. 1 or 2 positions) that you're willing to do, if you toss out the majority of his fantasies as silly or without merit, if you guilt or shame him into damping down his exploration with you... then you'd be in trouble. But if you're a pretty open, willing, partner then I don't believe there will be an issue of infidelity.

[LakesideDream]

What the heck? Women here on LS are always aware and concerned by a man's "baggage". This guy comes with little or no baggage... and that's a problem.

 

What's not a problem?

 

How about cloning your favorite super hunk actor, and installing a brain when the body reaches say... ah .... 22 years of maturity. Then programming that brain exactly the way you want to, would that satisfy ya'll?

 

People are just people. Every relationship has it's good and bad points. As long as we are individuals, this will remain true.

[fral945]

My exH had very limited sexual experience prior to me. Just 1 other girl. He wasn't unfaithful until our marriage was in its final death throes.

 

in my experience, the number of women isn't an issue. It's the type of sex with the one you're with. If you have a very limited scope of positions (i.e. 1 or 2 positions) that you're willing to do, if you toss out the majority of his fantasies as silly or without merit, if you guilt or shame him into damping down his exploration with you... then you'd be in trouble. But if you're a pretty open, willing, partner then I don't believe there will be an issue of infidelity.

 

Speaking as a guy who didn't have sexual experience until later than most, that was a major problem in my first relationship. My first girlfriend was limited in the variety and frequency department. I'm not sure which one was worse, but this took a toll on me eventually because I felt very deprived and constantly frustrated sexually.

 

I decided I couldn't deal with that so I moved on. I can't say she was a girl I'd have married, but I think if she would have been more open and willing to do things I probably wouldn't have left so soon. But there were certain things I wanted to try that I'd never done and she was unwilling.

 

Assuming the variety and frequency are good, a smart and mature man will realize what's out there won't be that great compared to what he has at home.

[Ruby Slippers]

I don't think this has to be cause for concern. I dated one guy who was much more discriminating about sexual partners than your average guy, and I never felt any threat of him straying. He had plenty of opportunities for sex before, and does now, but he's one of the somewhat rare men not interested in casual sex. He had a very healthy sexual appetite and wide range of interests in the bedroom, but he wanted to explore them with one committed partner.

[Sks]

No, just be open and willing to do various fetishes - he will have no reason to cheat.

[In Like Flynn]

This is interesting....because one would think that you would be the most likely to cheat. Having had numerous lovers in the past....your threshold might be lower than someone that was more discriminate in their past. Once things get rough in the marriage(and they always do), you might start shopping or comparing more than your husband would. Just my thought. Liek I wish he was as big as Joe, or as muscular as Jim, or as experienced as Mike etc etc.

[stone22]

Scary, huh?

 

What is that famous quote? Better to have loved and lost than to not have loved at all?

 

I may have botched that completely, but I bet you get my point. I don't think you may be any more assured of his commitment to you if he sleeps with some one else.

 

Life is short. What if you lose him completely? Are you wiling to risk that? What if he turns gay? what if he does get a nasty VD? That would REALLY suck.

 

Love sucks. But it also doesn't. SO-

 

GO FOR IT!!!