Ugggg! !

[trueblue72ny]

day 15 nc. havent seen the girl around my side of the office for almost two weeks. now a few minutes ago i stood up to go to the kitchen and there she is!!! sitting at her new friends desk two cubicles up. when i saw her, i, without thinking pulled a u-turn and sat back down. i dont want to see her or walk by her or anything. she hasnt been around and i wasnt expecting it. is that the right way to be? i dont know. i was doing sooo good today until that. ugggggg

[SnowWhite924]

day 15 nc. havent seen the girl around my side of the office for almost two weeks. now a few minutes ago i stood up to go to the kitchen and there she is!!! sitting at her new friends desk two cubicles up. when i saw her, i, without thinking pulled a u-turn and sat back down. i dont want to see her or walk by her or anything. she hasnt been around and i wasnt expecting it. is that the right way to be? i dont know. i was doing sooo good today until that. ugggggg

 

I was wondering how you were doing. It's perfectly normal to feel what you feel. One day you are doing great, strong as ever, and the next, BAM!You feel like crap all over again!

 

You're doing really great not contacting her. It's a battle but one you will conquer in due time. Hang in there!!!

[CaliGuy]

day 15 nc. havent seen the girl around my side of the office for almost two weeks. now a few minutes ago i stood up to go to the kitchen and there she is!!! sitting at her new friends desk two cubicles up. when i saw her, i, without thinking pulled a u-turn and sat back down. i dont want to see her or walk by her or anything. she hasnt been around and i wasnt expecting it. is that the right way to be? i dont know. i was doing sooo good today until that. ugggggg

 

No, do not alter your normal workday to avoid her. If you see her and make eye contact just go your own way. I don't make eye contact with my ex, not because I am insecure, but because I do not want to open myself up to a conversation with her.

 

Smile, laugh, have fun -- act like she isn't there. Whatever you do, your life should not be put on hold because of her.

[SnowWhite924]

Whatever you do, your life should not be put on hold because of her.

 

I don't think he was putting his life on hold. I think it was a normal reaction to 'freak out', and turn around. It takes time, doesn't it??

 

How r u Caliguy?

[trueblue72ny]

good point Cali. i guess it was just a reaction. after i read Cali's post, i decided to walk over and talk to one of my office friends, that i havent spoken to in awhile, which is on the ex's side. low and behold the ex walked by about three times, making noise, whistling, laughing, bopping up and down like life is great. and i am sure it is for her. but i did not make eye contact once. i did not turn my head to acknowledge the noise. i just continued my conversation with my friend and focused on that. today it just seemed kind of ridiculous the way she is.

 

while i was talking to my friend, the ex went over to my side of the office to talk to her new best friend. when i came around the corner, i did not turn or look at the ex, not even once. i completely ignored her. i just continued straight to my desk, walking causally like nothing bothers me. i think i am going to continue this practice and gain my strength back.

yestreday i guess was a shock.

[SnowWhite924]

low and behold the ex walked by about three times, making noise, whistling, laughing, bopping up and down like life is great. and i am sure it is for her.

 

 

How do you really know it is for her? I wouldn't be too sure.

 

i think i am going to continue this practice and gain my strength back.

yestreday i guess was a shock.

 

Yeah, it is a shock in the beginning until you get used to it and it becomes second nature like it is for Caliguy. Good for you for making it through!

[trueblue72ny]

i dont really know if her life is good or not. all i can do is judge by what i see. she told me she is loving life. she puts on a good show if it is not. she is a good actor i think. she has been watching soap opera's for years. sending roses to herself says something.

 

if i can pull this off i think in the end i will hopefully come out of this good. i guess if i become more involved in office activities, more visible and look good to others within the office it can only help.

[SnowWhite924]

I know she ended it but isn't she doing exactly the same thing you are doing by pretending everything is great!!??

 

I'm sure she's hurting. Even the one doing the dumping hurts.

[trueblue72ny]

it would appear she is doing the same thing... but like i said, i dont know if things are great for her of if she is pretending everything.

 

i guess more importantly right now is about me, even if she is. but boy can that girl put on a good show. i will say it felt good tho to just go and talk to my friend today. i havent talked to my friend in awhile.

[CaliGuy]

I don't think he was putting his life on hold. I think it was a normal reaction to 'freak out', and turn around. It takes time, doesn't it??

 

How r u Caliguy?

 

I'm great, thanks! Training all this week from home so no dorky ex is doing drive-bys by my desk, lol. Well if she is, I am not there to see it, haha.

 

good point Cali. i guess it was just a reaction. after i read Cali's post, i decided to walk over and talk to one of my office friends, that i havent spoken to in awhile, which is on the ex's side. low and behold the ex walked by about three times, making noise, whistling, laughing, bopping up and down like life is great. and i am sure it is for her. but i did not make eye contact once. i did not turn my head to acknowledge the noise. i just continued my conversation with my friend and focused on that. today it just seemed kind of ridiculous the way she is.

 

while i was talking to my friend, the ex went over to my side of the office to talk to her new best friend. when i came around the corner, i did not turn or look at the ex, not even once. i completely ignored her. i just continued straight to my desk, walking causally like nothing bothers me. i think i am going to continue this practice and gain my strength back.

yestreday i guess was a shock.

 

Each day you continue to live your life, make yourself happy and seek approval from within you detach yourself from her. Make sure you are smiling. Fake it till you make it.

 

She is trying to get your goat so to speak. Don't "react" to her. Respond if you have to for business reasons but otherwise you owe her nothing, not even an acknowledgement from you.

[CaliGuy]

i dont really know if her life is good or not. all i can do is judge by what i see. she told me she is loving life. she puts on a good show if it is not. she is a good actor i think. she has been watching soap opera's for years. sending roses to herself says something.

 

How odd. Are you sure we didn't date the same woman? My ex sent roses to herself at work as well! HAHA!!!

 

Trust me, if life was so great they wouldn't have to send themselves roses.

 

if i can pull this off i think in the end i will hopefully come out of this good. i guess if i become more involved in office activities, more visible and look good to others within the office it can only help.

 

You really need to act like she's dead, bro. I mean seriously. Have a funeral at your house for her. Just you. Exorcise her from your system. Then go reconnect with old friends, start investing in new hobbies, DESTROY yourself at the gym (you'll thank me for that later, haha) and just enjoy the life God has placed before you.

 

Did you know that more often than not we should be thankful that our prayers sometimes are not answered by God. I for one am surely thanful that I didn't end up marrying the last two women I dated. I'd be hell on earth, that is for sure.

 

Enjoy what life has to offer you. Don't be bitter, angry or hateful. The opposite of love is not hate but indifference. When you don't care about her anymore you know you'll be over her. And by that I mean you don't care what she is up to, who she is seeing, etc. As long as you are angry and hateful towards her, she will know you're still not over it.

 

My ex, she just sees indifference. I ignore her, not because I am not over it but because I simply do not care about her. She is nothing to me or my life and I owe her nothing.

 

Yeah, it ticks her off that I ignore her. She thinks it's unprofessional. Ya know what? WHO CARES?! LOL. If I have to talk to her for work related reasons I will but otherwise I don't owe her jack. Not even a hello.

[pretty professional]

You don't "owe" her a hello, but it is considered polite.

[CaliGuy]

You don't "owe" her a hello, but it is considered polite.

 

Under normal circumstances I would agree. If we had parted amicably, I would be polite. But given what happened between us, a hello would expend much more energy on her than I am willing to give or she deserves.

[pretty professional]

You sound very immature, no offense.

[CaliGuy]

You sound very immature, no offense.

 

Well considering you don't know the full story and what exactly happened between us, I'm not surprised you feel that way.

 

Think what you want. I'm doing what is best for me.

[SnowWhite924]

I agree with Caliguy's method of moving forward, however, I think we still need to show some compassion. This was a 3 year relationship. It takes time to mend a broken heart.

[SnowWhite924]

Don't be bitter, angry or hateful. The opposite of love is not hate but indifference. When you don't care about her anymore you know you'll be over her. And by that I mean you don't care what she is up to, who she is seeing, etc. As long as you are angry and hateful towards her, she will know you're still not over it.

 

I love this! Thanks. Now I know for sure I'm over my ex! HaHaHa...

 

The grieving process is hard but one day you wake up and you're not hurting anymore.

[trueblue72ny]

day 17 nc

 

Yours sent roses to herself also?? good god they cloned themself /selves?? how many more are out there???

 

Cali i am going to have to see if i can find your posts. i would like to know what happened with yours. It is sounding very similar.

 

i have started to hang out again with my friend from work, the one my ex tried to take over. my ex acted like she had a problem with the friendship me and my friend had, so me, thinking it would help matters distanced myself from my friend. while the ex continued to hang out with her.

 

wrong thing to do.

 

i had a talk with my friend and explained what’s up and why i backed away. fortunately she is smart, and understands. i dont talk about my ex with her. we started to car pool again. we hang out at her kids soccer games, dinners and she even takes me grocery shopping with her Sundays. she gets me involved. maybe that sounds dumb, but it makes me feel good to even just go grocery shopping with someone else besides myself. she has a boyfriend. i talk to him too. the girl even checks on me to make sure i didn’t fall off a ladder at home and laying dead on the ground. i never got that from my ex!! never, ever, ever.

 

do i be friendly and say hi to the ex? i dont know. i dont want to be angry or mean, or make faces at her. but right now i think i should just pretend she is dead to me because ya, she might as well be with the way she acts. i didnt ask for things to be like this. i asked her to talk to me personally – not over email. i got called ridiculous over it. and now we aren’t on talking terms. i dont think i should be the first one to reach out at this point. i feel that includes hello at this point.

[CaliGuy]

Yours sent roses to herself also?? good god they cloned themself /selves?? how many more are out there???

 

Yep. A dozen yellow roses to herself.

 

Cali i am going to have to see if i can find your posts. i would like to know what happened with yours. It is sounding very similar.

 

What do you want to know? She is young and immature. Her decision to dump me was based on desiring her parents approval. She lied to me, multiple times, too k me for granted and is a little princess. The world revolves around her. She is a selfish, whining little girl in a woman's body. I am really thankful that the relationship is over, but I have to see her on a daily basis at work.

 

i have started to hang out again with my friend from work, the one my ex tried to take over. my ex acted like she had a problem with the friendship me and my friend had, so me, thinking it would help matters distanced myself from my friend. while the ex continued to hang out with her. wrong thing to do.

 

 

Yep, that's bad.

 

i had a talk with my friend and explained what’s up and why i backed away. fortunately she is smart, and understands. i dont talk about my ex with her. we started to car pool again. we hang out at her kids soccer games, dinners and she even takes me grocery shopping with her Sundays. she gets me involved. maybe that sounds dumb, but it makes me feel good to even just go grocery shopping with someone else besides myself. she has a boyfriend. i talk to him too. the girl even checks on me to make sure i didn’t fall off a ladder at home and laying dead on the ground. i never got that from my ex!! never, ever, ever.

 

That's a good friend. Just don't get TOO friendly with her

 

do i be friendly and say hi to the ex? i dont know. i dont want to be angry or mean, or make faces at her. but right now i think i should just pretend she is dead to me because ya, she might as well be with the way she acts. i didnt ask for things to be like this. i asked her to talk to me personally – not over email. i got called ridiculous over it. and now we aren’t on talking terms. i dont think i should be the first one to reach out at this point. i feel that includes hello at this point.

 

If you feel you haven't done anything wrong, why do you owe her anything? You aren't required to be her friend. You ARE required to be professional at work and that means if there is a business reason to talk to her you do it without malice. Otherwise, if you have no reason to talk to her or solialize with her.

 

The reason exs want to be friends is mostly just to relieve their own guilt. They don't want to be the "bad" person. So they reach out for friendship in the hopes you'll put your self-respect aside and take these crumbs of attention. I have always maintained that being friends with an ex, if you still desire them, is impossible. It only delays YOUR healing process. Maybe sometime in the future when you become indifferent about them and move on with another relationship you can be friendly, but I really wouldn't categorize them as true friends. Maybe an aquaintance...but definitely not what I would define as a friend.

 

My ex certainly doesn't feel guilty about her actions. She has justified them in her own mind and remains ignorant of what she has done. That's fine. I am not required to be her friend. I am professional towards her at work if I need to talk to her but otherwise I don't associate with her.

 

Her immaturity is shown when she whines and complains to co-workers that I won't talk to her. The funny thing is, the co-workers have explained to her many times that when a relationship ends the way ours did, she really has no right to expect me to be her friend. If she feels guilty, there's a reason for that. She doesn't want to be with me, I don't want to be with her and I really have no desire to maintain a friendship. Am I bitter or angry? I don't think so. I just know what is best for me and at this point a friendship is not something that I feel is good for either of us.

 

She can move on and be happy with new guy, I will continue to date and have fun and live my life -- without her in it And see, that's the thing with me. If you take me for granted I simply will cut you out of my life. I don't need people like that around me.

[AriaIncognito]

Yep. A dozen yellow roses to herself.

 

 

She's not very good at this then, doesn't she know yellow means friendship? :lmao:

 

If she wanted to make you think someone else loved her, she should have sent herself red ones.

 

It's pretty ridiculous that these women are resorting to this. Screams of needing to get internal validation via external sources. It's a shame it really can't work that way....

[Sysyphus28]

NIce caliguy. Nice.

One say I will be as collected as you have become. I am still trippin' about her calling me last weekend. I won't pick up those breadcrumbs though. I don't need decietfull liars in my life. I don't need friends lik her.

Get this: When we got together our age difference wasn't a big deal to her. She said sh thought nothing of it and liked it. She was committed to loving me, blah, blah, blah. After we broke up , al of the sudden she was "young" and needed to blah, blah, blah.

She broke my heart......and I won't pick up her "missed calls"

How do I let go completely and become indifferent about her.

I still feel the residue of her presence and her "fake love" in my life.

[trueblue72ny]

she just emailed me after 17 days of nc. some horse manure about me disrespecting her because i pulled a u turn when i saw her the other day. that i need to respect her at work. she says she is positive that i dont want to hear from her right now. that i can be mad at her. i dont have to ever talk to her again. not asking me to have a conversation with her. just wants to be respected at work. etc.,etc., i told her she is imagining things. my phone was ringing. and i dont owe you a thing!!!! altho i did say i might hold a conversation. ugg -that one i shouldnt have said. stupid! stupid! stupid! i still havent given in to anything so i still feel strong about my position.

[CaliGuy]

NIce caliguy. Nice.

How do I let go completely and become indifferent about her.

 

You make a list of all her bad qualities, all the mean and disrespectful things she did to you and the relationship. Post it somewhere that you can read it every day (in private). After we get dumped we tend to glorify our exs when really, we need to see them for who they are. The list helps a lot.

 

she just emailed me after 17 days of nc. some horse manure about me disrespecting her because i pulled a u turn when i saw her the other day. that i need to respect her at work. she says she is positive that i dont want to hear from her right now. that i can be mad at her. i dont have to ever talk to her again. not asking me to have a conversation with her. just wants to be respected at work. etc.,etc., i told her she is imagining things. my phone was ringing. and i dont owe you a thing!!!! altho i did say i might hold a conversation. ugg -that one i shouldnt have said. stupid! stupid! stupid! i still havent given in to anything so i still feel strong about my position.

 

See the "Respect me at work" line is her whining. You don't have to respect anyone who doesn't deserve your respect. You have to talk to them, when required to talk to them, with politeness. But you don't owe them anything. Especially an ex-girlfriend. She doesn't want animosity at work. Hmmm, she should have considered that before she starting dating you. My ex is going to have it worse if her and the new guy break up. That'll make TWO ex boyfriends at work! LOL.

 

Hard lesson learned by me, but I will never date anyone I work with anymore. Period.

 

 

 

She's not very good at this then, doesn't she know yellow means friendship? :lmao:

 

If she wanted to make you think someone else loved her, she should have sent herself red ones.

 

It's pretty ridiculous that these women are resorting to this. Screams of needing to get internal validation via external sources. It's a shame it really can't work that way....

 

Hah, even I didn't know that about yellow roses. I doubt she was trying to make me jealous. I mean, I dunno. She just got a boob job a few weeks ago and makes about 3-4 drive-bys by my desk every day. I never look over nor do I pay any attention to her.

 

She definitely wants validation but isn't getting it from me. The rest of the guys at work trip over themselves to talk to her. I am the ONLY guy at work that doesn't pay her any attention (anymore, haha) and it's driving her nuts. There are some other "stalker-ish" beavioral patterns she is showing too that I haven't mentioned but that's another can of worms...

[CaliGuy]

By the way, something else I just thought about that makes me chuckle to myself.

 

My ex during her complaints to her co-workers whines that I am not being "professional." This from the girl who disturbs everyone with her loud "cackles" at work, runs around the halls like a 12 year old, is never at her desk, constantly socializing with the entire company and never doing her work, is dating her second co-worker, lives at home with daddy, never works OT, is always out sick or leaving early, etc....

 

Of course me, who sits at his desk, gets his job done, doesn't walk around bothering anyone or socializing, gets his projects done on time, works overtime to get things done, etc.

 

Yet *I* am unprofessional because I won't talk to her.

 

Ummmm -- yeah. Right. LOL

[trueblue72ny]

ok, so she sent me the email last Wednesday, complaining about me not ‘respecting’ her at work. the next day Thursday she almost threw herself in front of my way while walking down the hallway with another co-worker , basically saying look at me. even my co-worker thought it was strange. so Friday, i email her. i say Hi! we start talking. i said after reading your email Wednesday it seems you might like to shoot the breeze – wasn’t sure. she basically said yes, doesn’t mind an email here or there , just doesn’t want to fight like last time. i said , ok cool. i dont want to talk about any junk from the past. so the conversation is progressing. she is telling me things she has been doing the last couple months. so i ask, do you think you might be open to considering going out for a bite to eat and a drink if we go along the same rules, no junk. so she says , yes, however, not right yet.. stating she is afraid that it is just too soon, but if we remain the same rules and no junk then i will consider it, i just cant give you a time and date. i just want to take the friendship slow at this point. i said fair enough.

 

we talked a little yesterday, but not today. some seem to think she is putting me on a string. i wonder if she is trying too, or if she is interested in a loose connection like friends, not sure actually.

 

any opinions out there what the deal is

 

one thing for sure is i think i am going to just keep doing my own thing, live my life, go on dates, and try not to worry about it at this point. i dont think i want to keep being the first person making contact. i dont mind being alpha male, but there has to be a little give and take is what i am thinking.

 

Cali, if my ex at work started dating someone else at work, i would never look at her again just like you are doing. and two i would be pissed at the other guy at work for disrespecting me. i would work hard to make myself look better than both of them.