I am changing my name to "Stupiddaddy"

[Dominique]

If she came over now in her car and asked to sit and talk over a glass of wine you would let her in and you know it. Some such "test" is going to happen--and you know it and are secretly hoping for it. I am saying that you are weak right now and highly vulnerable, and I for one do not trust you nor you yourself. You have to shut this, case closed. Remember the insults, so to speak, and stay angry a bit till you truly pass the threshold.

 

We like you here and I think it is a time of being "cruel to be kind". I am Team Stampdaddy. Really....

 

DOM

[Mino]

I think you are right, and now I am scared that I "DID" see the her I used to know, which was nice.. the she-devil that she had become was ugly...

I know I am kinda going through the disbelief myself. My mm has moved out, gotten his own place, now he is distant and cold, I look at his eyes and wonder who is in there..... I am in disbelief. He allowes me to see a glimmer of who i remember, but only for a second, but enough for me to hold on to hope... and then he goes cold again..and I am still in disbelief...

[stampdaddy]

I know I am kinda going through the disbelief myself. My mm has moved out, gotten his own place, now he is distant and cold, I look at his eyes and wonder who is in there..... I am in disbelief. He allowes me to see a glimmer of who i remember, but only for a second, but enough for me to hold on to hope... and then he goes cold again..and I am still in disbelief...

 

with the way I blew her up, talked to H for an hour and half, followed up with an email with a little more damaging info, and then a couple of texts (to her) flat out blasting her, pissed and hateful... It was nice to see that maybe she could understand WHY I could do that, because SHE was causing this. She said, "I know that things were getting very confusing for us and when push came to shove, you shoved very hard... and I am sorry I made you shove..."

But today, I was able to "reach" the person that I loved for so long, and who loved me just as long, and hopefully end our affair with that love, and not HATE

[bish]

I don't know what I "expected", I know I have had one nagging feeling eating at me, which was, OK, we are done, BUT, there was never a "goodbye",

 

I hate to say it, but thats just too damn bad.

[stampdaddy]

I hate to say it, but thats just too damn bad.

 

You didnt hate to say it... but I hear you...

[Dominique]

...Is she with you? No.

 

....Did she choose to be with you? No.

 

...Did she keep you waiting, and wanting and hanging and hoping?...Yes

 

...Is she saying what she has to say at the door so that you keep that hope alive, for when she comes around for that glass of wine she'll seek out when getting bored-restless-anxious?...Yes

 

What does it add up to?

 

Answer: She-devil, par excellence.

 

Dom

[Owl]

Post deleted...no point.

[stampdaddy]

...Is she with you? No.

 

....Did she choose to be with you? No.

 

...Did she keep you waiting, and wanting and hanging and hoping?...Yes

 

...Is she saying what she has to say at the door so that you keep that hope alive, for when she comes around for that glass of wine she'll seek out when getting bored-restless-anxious?...Yes

 

What does it add up to?

 

Answer: She-devil, par excellence.

 

Dom

 

let me say it:

 

IS she here? NO

 

Did she choose to leave? NO

 

Did she tell me things today that I would have wanted to hear? as far as I am concerned, YES, and that makes me mad that I think this way now.

 

Did she ever do ANYTHING to take a step towards me besides having an affair with me? NO

 

Did she try to make ME look like the badguy to her husband (to no avail)?: YES, she admitted as much

 

If she showed up here for that glass of wine, finally out of the house with a divorce in motion, would I feel second place, a last resort, resenteful, have questions?: ABSOLUTELY YES

 

Would this type of relationship work for me?: NO, NO, NO

[stampdaddy]

Post deleted...no point.

 

 

OWL, what does that mean?

[JamesM]

She knows she has you....You'll be here in December talking about how she did this and that...still promising.

 

You have no self-dignity whatsoever.

 

And to James M--a "live in BF" is not the same as this...

 

I agree with you on all counts.

 

I hope you are wrong.

 

BTW, I am using the live in BF comparison when I am talking of his feelings towards her. No, I did not experience all of the turmoil SD did. But I do remember the emotional ties even after I tried to end it each time.

[Dominique]

To James M--Yes, I do understand...You were comparing the situations in terms of the emotions felt, not necessarily the kind or scope of relationship...It may very well have been similar...

 

To SD....Just be prepared for a difficult time right now. Your emotions are going to zig and zag all over the place. You'll desire everything from drama-for-the-sake-of, to lovemaking, to friendship to feeling repulsed by all of the above, and everything in between, and so on down the line...Just try to step back from "yourself" when moods bubble up, because you are "all" what you have right now. Just don't think that it's all been "said and done" now, because more will follow--that is, will try to follow...

 

DOM

[Die Hard]

I know that I am feeling VERY anxious and panicy right now.. feelings that I had started to get over.. THIS WAS THE WRONG THING FOR ME TO DO.. I know this, and I won't do it again! I was starting to heal,

No stamp, you hadn't started to heal. You won't give yourself a chance to even start. It's like an alchoholic drinking every day for four years and then quitting for a week or two, then drinking a fifth of vodka and saying "damn, I was starting to heal". No. You were barely getting started. You don't even realize yet just how hard it's going to get. You can claim you know, but living it and thinking about it are two different things.

 

No I wont be.. I made a mistake, and I am trying to move forward. And maybe in teh moment, I didnt have any self dignity, but dont be sure about that all of the time, thank you..

not trying to be mean here, but let's be honest, when it comes to this woman, you don't have any self dignity. That's what often happens in affairs. I don't doubt you are strong person, but not when it comes to the mw, ever.

 

Post deleted...no point.

 

OWL, what does that mean?

It means that he regrets trying to post as he feels his words will fall on deaf ears. Regretfully, I think he's right.

 

I'll tell you dude, quitting something like this is an accomplishment one can be proud of. It takes time, pain, courage, strength and stick-to-it attitude. I'm not getting any of this from your posts at all. Like another poster said, I see you in the same place in December. December 2009.

 

If you aren't going to be able to do this(really end any relationship with this woman), my advice is to just have the affair and quit asking her to leave. Otherwise, it's like quitting smoking for five days at a time over and over and over. All you accomplish is keeping yourself in a constant state of withdrawal, never getting anywhere but right where you were.

[Terminator]

Otherwise, it's like quitting smoking for five days at a time over and over and over. All you accomplish is keeping yourself in a constant state of withdrawal, never getting anywhere but right where you were.

 

That is SUCH a good analogy, Diehard

[bentnotbroken]

would I get a good "slappin'"

 

 

Nope, a foot broke off in your assests.

[Die Hard]

That is SUCH a good analogy, Diehard

i hate to use an addiction analogy because i hated it when people compared addiction and affairs when i was involved in mine. But having come out the other side, the similarities are striking.

 

All the benefits of quitting become tough to visualize as the withdrawals get stronger. But it's just the brain's way of tricking you into continuing the behaviour it finds enjoyable. The real trick is stepping outside your mind and doing what you know will make your mind and body happier in the long run.

 

and I'm not pretending you won't still think about her in a year......BUT those feelings in your stomach, the shot of adrenaline you get when she pops in your mind, will go away!!! I still think of the mw I was seeing, every day, but there is no pain or panic or anxiety associated with it. It really is a great feeling ...a feeling of accomplishment rather than regret. You can get there too. But you have to work for it and put effort into it.

 

I'm going to ramble on here a bit: I use to CRY at even the thought that I would "get over" the mw I was seeing. I didn't want to imagine a life without her. Didn't want to get over her. Wanted to kill myself if I had to live life without her. I sat and thought of being happy in life without her and it just made me go to pieces. So I know where you're at. I also know where you can go. There is a life after the affair, or better yet, life after a person you love leaves your life. It's up to you to get there. It's the best gift you could ever give yourself but it isn't free.

[Owl]

Die hard...you have come a long way!!!!

[taylor]

i hate to use an addiction analogy because i hated it when people compared addiction and affairs when i was involved in mine. But having come out the other side, the similarities are striking.

 

All the benefits of quitting become tough to visualize as the withdrawals get stronger. But it's just the brain's way of tricking you into continuing the behaviour it finds enjoyable. The real trick is stepping outside your mind and doing what you know will make your mind and body happier in the long run.

 

and I'm not pretending you won't still think about her in a year......BUT those feelings in your stomach, the shot of adrenaline you get when she pops in your mind, will go away!!! I still think of the mw I was seeing, every day, but there is no pain or panic or anxiety associated with it. It really is a great feeling ...a feeling of accomplishment rather than regret. You can get there too. But you have to work for it and put effort into it.

 

I'm going to ramble on here a bit: I use to CRY at even the thought that I would "get over" the mw I was seeing. I didn't want to imagine a life without her. Didn't want to get over her. Wanted to kill myself if I had to live life without her. I sat and thought of being happy in life without her and it just made me go to pieces. So I know where you're at. I also know where you can go. There is a life after the affair, or better yet, life after a person you love leaves your life. It's up to you to get there. It's the best gift you could ever give yourself but it isn't free.

 

 

Excellent post for anyone going through the withdrawal of an affair.

 

Stampdaddy, you will start recovery the day you decide you truly DO WANT to get over her. You aren't quite there yet because the pleasure of holding on is still greater than the pain of letting go. When you can reject the pleasure and face the pain head-on, you will start to move on.

 

It takes a long time to shut the door to your heart, especially to someone you held it wide open for for such a long time. It's natural to do "stupid" things that will set you back in your healing. But as time goes on, you will do fewer "stupid" things because each time you will learn that these "stupid" things don't do anything but hurt you. It's like banging your head against the wall. Eventually you realize the only thing you are doing is hurting yourself and so you stop doing it.

 

Some posters will offer you tough love - give you that kick in the butt to push you forward. Others will give you words of comfort and encouragement to help you cope with issues that tug at your heartstrings. BOTH will benefit you.

 

The nice thing about LS is posters will stick with you through thick or thin, for how ever long it takes, until you can make it to the other side of this affair. Everyone is rooting for you..because we all want to see a happy ending...or should I say, a happy new beginning.

[White Flower]

Hugs, Stamp, just hugs from me today.

[DealingWDrama]

Since you showed up at her house, don't be suprised if her H slaps you with a Restraining order or comes to your house...I believe for men when they are betrayed, at first there is a knee jerk reaction to protect their 'property' ...

[bish]

Since you showed up at her house, don't be suprised if her H slaps you with a Restraining order or comes to your house...I believe for men when they are betrayed, at first there is a knee jerk reaction to protect their 'property' ...

 

Its not a knee jerk reaction for a H to want the OM to stay the hell away from him and his wife.

[stampdaddy]

Its not a knee jerk reaction for a H to want the OM to stay the hell away from him and his wife.

 

Bish, you done? Have you said all that you need to say to me? I GET all of your hatred towards OM, I do.. But you know what, thanks for stopping by, and all of your comments and help, but from here on out, with all due respect, find someone else to take your frustrations and vile out on, OK? THANKS!

[LakesideDream]

StampDufus... It's a learning experiance man. I feel for you. right now you are not thinking to straight, or doing so well. That's to bad, but things could certainly be worse.

 

Try to stay in control and limit the damage and consequences. I know (believe me I've thought about it) I wouldn't want an BS at my door with blood in his eyes, nothing good could come from it. Ditto if it was a panic'd OM... I'm getting to old for that stuff.

 

Peace brother,

[White Flower]

Stampy, do you really think he is going to leave her/kick her out? If so, are you thinking of taking her in? Do you trust her NOT to be so wishy-washy then?

 

And FWIW, I don't think you had 'blood in your eyes', just your heart on your sleeve.

 

You know I'm not knocking you Lakey;)

[bish]

Bish, you done? Have you said all that you need to say to me?

 

I wasn't responding to you. I was responding to the idea DealingWDrama posted with regards to what a knee jerk reaction from BS's is.

 

I was letting her know it wasn't a knee jerk reaction.

 

 

I GET all of your hatred towards OM, I do.. But you know what, thanks for stopping by, and all of your comments and help, but from here on out, with all due respect, find someone else to take your frustrations and vile out on, OK? THANKS!

 

Dude, you are trying to get back in with a liar and a cheater and trying to cause further pain to her H.

 

Maybe you need to see if from a BS perspective. But you don't want to. All you care about is you.

 

Aint nothing untrue about saying that it isn't a knee jerk reaction for a H to want the OM to stay away from him and his wife.

 

what is it that you want? You want to keep going until she finally leaves him and you then have this cheater/liar all to yourself??