Need A Fresh Perspective!

[NicoleHerself]

Okay, I'll try and be brief, but we know how that usually works out!

 

I'm Nicole. I'm not new to the forum but it's been so long I forgot my username and password. So, a new account.

 

Here's the 411. My husband and I have been together seven years, married for three. No kids, just pets. Over the past year we've had some problems. I've always struggled with anxiety, and it used to be that my husband was a calm, rational balance to my overexcited, irrational behavior. However, lately he's been having trouble with anxiety too. When we both get anxious it's nearly impossible to get along. A few weeks ago, we both got anxious, and ended up having our worst fight ever. To try and give us both space & time to cool down, I went over to my sister's. He was so mad I left that he put all my things (clothes, furniture) in the front yard! He called me at my sister's and said that he didn't love me, wanted a divorce, and called me some hateful names. He called my work and told them I was abusing both prescription and street drugs. (I got fired!) He filed a police report against me saying that I'd broken back into the house and stolen numerous items. (They were mine, and I had a key!) He blew up the phone at both my sister's house and parents' house. It was about a week before he was calm enough for me to talk to him again.

 

Right now we are living seperately. He is at his mom's and I'm at my sister's. He's apologized profusely, says if he could take it back, he would, and wants us to get back together. I am reluctant. Granted, I'm at fault here too. I said things on purpose to hurt him, but I feel like he crossed a line that I never would have. My family thinks he's verbally abusive but this past fight is the first time he's ever called me a bad name. He dislikes my family, and now they hate him, and although his family has always liked me before they have given me the feeling they wouldn't blame me if he and I split. My family thinks I don't deserve this and should leave him, period.

 

I need some advice from some outside parties. My husband has agreed to go to MC, and he and I both decided that we each need IC to get our anxiety issues under control. This is the second time a fight has gotten bad enough that I felt like space and time were needed to diffuse the situation a little bit. Our lease was up on our house and due to the fight we lost the home. He wants us to move into an apartment together when we get out of our family's homes but I am reluctant. I feel like I need my own little space so I can do my "me work" before I try to share space with him again. With our work schedules, the only time we can see each other is weeknights, Tuesdays and Saturdays. He thinks that living together is the only way we'll have enough time to work out any issues.

 

So here are my questions. Should I give him another chance? We're going through a real bad time, but didn't I promise for better OR worse? Should we move back in together or stay seperate? Also, how do I choose a good MC?

 

Any thoughts/advice would be so helpful. Thanks for reading.

[imagine]

I'm so sorry that you've got to this point.

 

By all means check out the articles at Marriage Builders site. Also read books like "Fall in love stay in Love". You really don't want my opinion, you need these guys that are pro.

 

Please read up and keep us posted.

[lonelyandfrustrated]

Wow, talk about a blow-out! Husband, job, home...ouch.

 

I can't answer your questions, really, only YOU can do that, but I can recommend that you both ask your IC's for a recommendation for a MC, then interview them. We did MC a few years ago and walked out of one office because we both felt that the counselor wasn't a good fit for either of us. If it means you go see ten different counselors, it's worth it. You want someone who doesn't single out one partner as the 'problem'. Good luck, with everything.