crimsonrose Posted October 3, 2008 Share Posted October 3, 2008 So I got back from visiting my fiance in Australia a week ago. And now I'm not quite sure what to do with myself. I get to see him again in just three months, but it feels like every time we visit, life back in America feels more like a holding place for me until I finally move to my fiance. A few months into the relationship 2 years ago, i started staying up most of the night to talk to him, since his night is my day. Now, my schedules so screwed up I can't really sleep much at night anymore. It gets really depressing and lonely. I wait until 3 am for him to jump on windows live messenger so we can do our nightly video call but now I miss him so much that its almost depressing talking to him on webcam, because I'd so much rather be in his arms, ya know? Does anyone else have a screwy sleeping scheduel because of your LDR? And how do you deal with it, because I'm really at a loss. We play games together online and such, to pass the time and help us feel closer, but I dunno. Maybe I'm jsut depressed, because nothing sounds fun. Link to post Share on other sites
Geishawhelk Posted October 3, 2008 Share Posted October 3, 2008 You have to get out of the dependent behaviour of living your life around him. It's really tough that your body clock is all awry, but it's plainly playing havoc with your life, and it will (if it hasn't already!) start playing with your health too. Sleep/rest deprivation was actually a form of torture in WWII (it might still even be now, for all I know - wouldn't surprise me!) so it's a really bad way of messing with your mind.... This, as far as I can tell without being a traiuned medic - is actually a contributinbg factor to your depression.... you may have to become a little bit more disciplined about regulating your time with him. If you have become so dependent on contact with him that the rest of your life is completely haywire - I personally would not view this as a healthy way to conduct a relationship. In any sense of the word..... Link to post Share on other sites
taiko Posted October 3, 2008 Share Posted October 3, 2008 We were 15 timezone hours apart but neither of us felt that we ''had'' to stay up all night everynight. You are being trapped by technology. Link to post Share on other sites
Author crimsonrose Posted October 3, 2008 Author Share Posted October 3, 2008 Nono, I normally am able to sleep most of the night and just talk to him for a few hours at like 4 am to 7 am. which is no problem. early to bed, early to rise and such. its just that after i visit him i get stuck on aussie time and when i get back home and am depressed because i miss him, its really hard to sleep, especially when his night is my day and the suns up by the time im tired. i mean, talking to him every night is the highlight of my day (or night, as it were) but i normally have many other means of getting by. im about to get a job too so that should help. i suppose i just have too much free time. i was just wondering if anyone else gets stuck in weird sleep scheduels because of the time difference between you and your SO. Link to post Share on other sites
LikeCharlotte Posted October 3, 2008 Share Posted October 3, 2008 Hello CR - I was recently thinking about whether that would be a problem for me and I know what you mean about not being able to get your sleep schedule back to normal. I recently came home from a little visit with - well I don't know what he is but I like him, anyway, I had some trouble re-adjusting and I was waking up at dawn and falling asleep really early. I also felt quite a bit of withdrawl and had to cuddle with a stuffed animal at first but it got better after a couple days. I just kept myself occupied by reading and doing things I enjoy until things fell back into place. I see that other posters reminded you to remain independant. I agree. I know it is hard sometimes but no matter what your focus always has to be on you and what is best for you. Losing sleep is not good especially if you have been job hunting. You'll need to be in your best form to land a job in our current economy. As for getting used to the cam again...ugh... I know. Give yourself a countdown everyday. It looks like that helps lots of people on LS cope with LDR's. I can't give much advice in that catergory because I am feeling much as you are. It's like looking at a carosel through a glass window. Your choices are to enjoy it from a distance or look the other way. *sigh* Link to post Share on other sites
Author crimsonrose Posted October 4, 2008 Author Share Posted October 4, 2008 Hello CR - I was recently thinking about whether that would be a problem for me and I know what you mean about not being able to get your sleep schedule back to normal. I recently came home from a little visit with - well I don't know what he is but I like him, anyway, I had some trouble re-adjusting and I was waking up at dawn and falling asleep really early. I also felt quite a bit of withdrawl and had to cuddle with a stuffed animal at first but it got better after a couple days. I just kept myself occupied by reading and doing things I enjoy until things fell back into place. I see that other posters reminded you to remain independant. I agree. I know it is hard sometimes but no matter what your focus always has to be on you and what is best for you. Losing sleep is not good especially if you have been job hunting. You'll need to be in your best form to land a job in our current economy. As for getting used to the cam again...ugh... I know. Give yourself a countdown everyday. It looks like that helps lots of people on LS cope with LDR's. I can't give much advice in that catergory because I am feeling much as you are. It's like looking at a carosel through a glass window. Your choices are to enjoy it from a distance or look the other way. *sigh* I know. It's so awkward when you go back to webcam because it's like theyre RIGHT there and you can't even touch them. Doesn't help seeing the bedroom I stayed in while I was with him in the background. I had a normal sleep scheduel for the first year and a half. I would go to bed at 9 pm and get up when he got on. No biggie. But now... every visit makes it harder to adjust to my own little world here, and given that I've lost every friend but one because no one else can udnerstand this LDR, its kinda torture readjusting. I do have a countdown. On windows live messanger. 88 days till i visit him again, 285 until I LIVE with him finally. It was depressing putting over 100 days when I first got home, but 88 doesn't sound so bad. It'll be one week till I'm with him before I know it. Anywho, thank you for understanding. Made me feel a little more sane. Also, I thought about it alot, and I think... if anyone were to be put in my exact situation, they would react much the same way as I have and be as clingy as I am with my fiance. Luckily he feels honored that I need him so much. He needs me too, he just knows how to hide it alot better. lol. Link to post Share on other sites
strongertoday Posted October 6, 2008 Share Posted October 6, 2008 HUGS Oh hun...you just got home, you are probably still jet-lagged a little and missing him...give yourself a break....your sleep patterns will come back soon.... I found I cant do all nighters, but my guy can...but even if we do a 20 hour day chat (usually about once a month) it is so worth the disruption to my sleep patterns....and it something very special to look forward to. I disagree with Geisha....we adjust our lives to fit around work, sport, girlfriends, even doctors appointments, so if we can fit our life around chatting thats great. My guy is in the UK so I get up around 5am. The plus side is I got to bed really early and am reading more...so 2 good things Sometimes tho it is good to tel him I have to go and do something and come back....then he misses me and appreciates me more when I get back HUGS Link to post Share on other sites
Krisa Posted October 6, 2008 Share Posted October 6, 2008 Well my husband is in the UK and I'm in the USA so we are only 5 hours apart time wise. I work 7p-7a so that makes it easy for us. He get's into work at 4am my time, and we msn message, i have it on my mobile. i come home and chat a little more, on the weekends he calls, or we use the webcam. I go to bed wake up about 2pm-3pm, call him to say good night. We talk a lot! Working nights help us out a lot (i think) and on my days off i stay on the same schedule up at 4am to chat to him...nobody gets on my case because i use the night shift excuse...but really i just want to talk to my baby. I too lost a close friend, because she told me I wasnt in a real relationship. Why can't people just be happy that we are happy, i don't get it. Yes at the same time we are/can be sad...but thats normal...for goodness sakes i just got married and i havent seen my husband for over a month! damn american visa process! When I leave or he leaves...i'm usually a total mess, and don't sleep at all. It's hard to adjust...well for me anyways. we have been apart a month now, and i just started sleeping more then an hour or two. Link to post Share on other sites
Author crimsonrose Posted October 7, 2008 Author Share Posted October 7, 2008 HUGS Oh hun...you just got home, you are probably still jet-lagged a little and missing him...give yourself a break....your sleep patterns will come back soon.... I found I cant do all nighters, but my guy can...but even if we do a 20 hour day chat (usually about once a month) it is so worth the disruption to my sleep patterns....and it something very special to look forward to. I disagree with Geisha....we adjust our lives to fit around work, sport, girlfriends, even doctors appointments, so if we can fit our life around chatting thats great. My guy is in the UK so I get up around 5am. The plus side is I got to bed really early and am reading more...so 2 good things Sometimes tho it is good to tel him I have to go and do something and come back....then he misses me and appreciates me more when I get back HUGS thank you so much. that was really encouraging to have someone be so sweet and understanding. haha, my guy CANT do all nighters to save his life. we did a couple 2 years back when this all started, but he was always too exhausted to do it again, poor thing XD he actually has a life and works, unlike me. lol. yeah, my fiance goes to the gym after work most weekdays so most of the time he doesnt get back until 4 am my time, so its easy to just get up after sleeping most of the night and pretend like im jsut getting an early start on my day. but now its been daylight savings time and his work scheduels now an hour earlier, so hes been getting home around 2 am my time, leaving me less and less time to sleep on a normal scheduel. my sleep patterns starting to return though! im praying for hours a day about it. lol. its been freaking me, thinking i wouldnt get it back. im starting to fall asleep around 6 pm and wake up at 2 am when he gets home, which is alot better than not sleeping all day until noon for 2 hours and being more emotional because my bodys so drained. and indeed. im still job hunting atm and im really hoping whatever job i get, i can fit it around all of this. but last time i worked at a fast food place (which im tryign to hard to avoid) i didnt havea set work scheduel and i still managed. and lol at the reading thing. to fight off this absurdly persistent depression, ive been reading alot too. the twilight series helps, cheesy and overrated as i think it is, because of the second book where the main male character leaves the female character for a long time. anyone in an ldr can relate Link to post Share on other sites
Author crimsonrose Posted October 7, 2008 Author Share Posted October 7, 2008 Well my husband is in the UK and I'm in the USA so we are only 5 hours apart time wise. I work 7p-7a so that makes it easy for us. He get's into work at 4am my time, and we msn message, i have it on my mobile. i come home and chat a little more, on the weekends he calls, or we use the webcam. I go to bed wake up about 2pm-3pm, call him to say good night. We talk a lot! Working nights help us out a lot (i think) and on my days off i stay on the same schedule up at 4am to chat to him...nobody gets on my case because i use the night shift excuse...but really i just want to talk to my baby. I too lost a close friend, because she told me I wasnt in a real relationship. Why can't people just be happy that we are happy, i don't get it. Yes at the same time we are/can be sad...but thats normal...for goodness sakes i just got married and i havent seen my husband for over a month! damn american visa process! When I leave or he leaves...i'm usually a total mess, and don't sleep at all. It's hard to adjust...well for me anyways. we have been apart a month now, and i just started sleeping more then an hour or two. o wow, 12 hour work shifts! you poor thing. i bet your hubbys proud of you for working so much. haha, i can relate to the making up excuses to talk to him thing XD i still live with my parents so when this ldr first started i would say i my insomnia's just getting worse, since ive had it all my life. but only till 3 am, then id finally sleep. but i started staying up till 6 am and sleeping till 1 pm and my parents were at a loss. lol. yeah, the friend thing is a mystery. in my case its also because i am 17, and i had a few friends my age who simply couldnt relate to the depth of my relationship with my fiance, OR the fact that im engaged because nowadays its looked down upon because no one's mature enough to marry so young anymore. i have full parental approval, and they wouldnt give it if they didn't deem me ready for marriage at 18, but yeah, thats half the reason this is so tough too *prepares to get bashed by people who think marrying too young without college first makes you a failure* Link to post Share on other sites
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