Craigslist a bad idea?

[sos1971]

I just recently started to see other people after my marriage tanked. I answered a cute funny ad on Craigslist from a guy who had just moved here. People are always coming and going in my area, I'm new too. So I figured it couldn't hurt anything.

 

I do NOT meet other people who are still as immature and into the same kind of stuff I am. I want to know that we liked the same music, that we read the same books, have the same political views. We even briefly attended the same college. I want a cool friend & to have fun. Maybe not this kind of fun but that good clean fun disneyland boring crap... you see where I'm going? I meet other people on Match who are more textbook "good boyfriends"-- perfectly nice guys with jobs and cars and less baggage. Mr. Craigslist has none of these things. In fact, he just wandered here coming off the Appalachian Trail. I won't go into details but he has major issues but he seduced me.

I say that but ever since we hooked up I've been thinking WHAT am I doing? And have been pretty scathing to him at times. He's a heavy drinker, he regrets his past decisions and wants to "rejoin" society. It's like we went to HS together or something. He told me I was slumming, that I could do a lot better than him and that he had never loved anyone- not even his wife.

 

I'm not interested in a love relationship. But we immediately started spending all of our free time together. And then he told me something that he did whilst drinking that literally made me sick. He beat up his rommate's dog- to show it who was the alpha. I was like, "That's it. You and I have nothing in common, I don't want you to call me anymore." I mean who beats a helpless animal? I know I did the right thing (three days ago) but I find myself missing him. I'm an idiot, right? Why would I choose this guy over like say, a pilot? That's what I did, no joke. He just seems so real and interesting kinda like a Bukowski novel. Ugh, any suggestions?

[Tony T]

I'm an idiot, right? Why would I choose this guy over like say, a pilot? That's what I did, no joke. He just seems so real and interesting kinda like a Bukowski novel. Ugh, any suggestions?

 

Lots of women like men who they can mother and change...men who are different...and you seem no different. It's a subconscious thing because obviously you have absolutely nothing in common with this guy. You did the right thing by getting away from him before he could beat up dogs in your neighborhood. The guy is supersick. Let's hope he doesn't stalk you.

 

Many people on Craigslist are losers from the get-go. I wouldn't trust that site to find me a discarded couch much less a future mate. My hope for you is that you will look for love in real life away from the cyber world. Even there, there's an abundance of fruitcakes.

[sos1971]

Thanks for your reply. I think you're prolly right. Virtual dating isn't all it's cracked up to be. Craigslist is kind of scary. I mean, he was shocked that I wasn't some webcam 'ho. I just feel dejected. How can I change who I'm attracted to? I feel like my best years are over and the men I meet are either desperate, jaded or losers. The idea of mothering someone makes me feel ill. Being around me made him feel worse about himself too. I think I reminded him of the ex-wife. She dumped him, too. It was a sucky situation.

 

So no internet dating in your opinion? Why? Because people are liars? People will try to come off in the best light when they're looking you in the eye, too. If I'd met him out and he had told me about his books and all the information he has in this blazing fast mind of his, I would have liked him, too. It isn't until the gloss starts to come off (and the clothes for that matter) that you know anyway, right?

[westernxer]

He just seems so real and interesting kinda like a Bukowski novel. Ugh, any suggestions?

 

Bukowski is a great read, but I wouldn't want to associate with any of those people in real life. LOL

 

I've dated people from Craigslist too, but most of them were duds (not saying I'm the exception hahaha).

[SincereOnlineGuy]

I just recently started to see other people after my marriage tanked. I answered a cute funny ad on Craigslist from a guy who had just moved here. People are always coming and going in my area, I'm new too. So I figured it couldn't hurt anything.

 

I do NOT meet other people who are still as immature and into the same kind of stuff I am. I want to know that we liked the same music, that we read the same books, have the same political views. We even briefly attended the same college. I want a cool friend & to have fun. Maybe not this kind of fun but that good clean fun disneyland boring crap... you see where I'm going? I meet other people on Match who are more textbook "good boyfriends"-- perfectly nice guys with jobs and cars and less baggage. Mr. Craigslist has none of these things. In fact, he just wandered here coming off the Appalachian Trail. I won't go into details but he has major issues but he seduced me.

I say that but ever since we hooked up I've been thinking WHAT am I doing? And have been pretty scathing to him at times. He's a heavy drinker, he regrets his past decisions and wants to "rejoin" society. It's like we went to HS together or something. He told me I was slumming, that I could do a lot better than him and that he had never loved anyone- not even his wife.

 

I'm not interested in a love relationship. But we immediately started spending all of our free time together. And then he told me something that he did whilst drinking that literally made me sick. He beat up his rommate's dog- to show it who was the alpha. I was like, "That's it. You and I have nothing in common, I don't want you to call me anymore." I mean who beats a helpless animal? I know I did the right thing (three days ago) but I find myself missing him. I'm an idiot, right? Why would I choose this guy over like say, a pilot? That's what I did, no joke. He just seems so real and interesting kinda like a Bukowski novel. Ugh, any suggestions?

 

This has nothing to do with Craigslist. It may, however, be the result of your having really enjoyed being in a situation where you were really FREE to express yourself from the start of a thought or feeling all the way to the end of it.

 

I assume that you first encountered him on Craigslist and then had some amount of anonymous messaging either via e-mail, chat, or the phone... beFORE you ever met in real life, right???

 

The time not long after the end of a marriage is a point where most anyone tends to notice and respond to (what their logical minds recognize as) "freedom of expression".

 

Truth be told, most marriages that end COULD keep going IF BOTH sides would say the right things and go through the right motions. Unfortunately, by the time the marriage dissolves, each side has long since painted itself into a corner with topics where, to communicate effectively would require squashing ones own ego or pride.

 

Right after such a limiting experience, most are very happy to be in an arena where they can REEEEEEEEEEEEEEALLY speak their mind and feelings. Of course most anyone on the other end of anonymity is riveted when women will themselves to do the same.

 

With this "Craigslist guy" you have simply constructed a friendship where YOU SPEAKING YOUR MIND AND SOUL began as 'the norm'... and because you afforded yourself so much comfort in doing just that, the inspiration for your good feelings has taken on greater meaning to you. (*** and that in no way has to mean love or even romance ~~~ just a "human comfort zone" is quite enough for someone recently divorced).

 

Hope this makes sense, and makes you think...

[You'reasian]

Craig's list? Good lord - never been there, no intentions of going.

[sos1971]

Craigslist is good for futons and old bicycles and stuff like that but the personals seem a little sketchy at best. I just gamble like that sometimes. You only live once. And thanks for the insight. I still feel a little uncomfortable wth what that might mean, do you understand? Like I'm a total fruitcake so I gravitate to other fruity persons as well? You lost me on the human element thing.

 

I think he's brilliant and has the guts to do a whole lot of stuff I would never dare to do. Other people might say er, bipolar. Whatever it is, creative genius or mental illness It's all I want to look at right now. When I think of good husbands and paying bills and drapes and lawnmowers & **** like that, I feel like I'm going to have a nervous breakdown. But I can't stand him either. I'm a closet fruitcake.

 

My dearest friends say that this is a major sign that I should step back out of the arena for a while because in 6 months I would never even consider someone so unworthy of me. I understand that. It makes perfect sense. It's the right thing to do. BUT I AM SO SICK OF BEING ALONE. I'm picky, it's not like I'm just dusting off some redneck & saying, "You'll do."

 

Thanks for the kind words and the advice. I'm just getting through it. But I still miss him.

[Mary3]

Craigslist is good for futons and old bicycles and stuff like that but the personals seem a little sketchy at best. I just gamble like that sometimes. You only live once. And thanks for the insight. I still feel a little uncomfortable wth what that might mean, do you understand? Like I'm a total fruitcake so I gravitate to other fruity persons as well? You lost me on the human element thing.

 

I think he's brilliant and has the guts to do a whole lot of stuff I would never dare to do. Other people might say er, bipolar. Whatever it is, creative genius or mental illness It's all I want to look at right now. When I think of good husbands and paying bills and drapes and lawnmowers & **** like that, I feel like I'm going to have a nervous breakdown. But I can't stand him either. I'm a closet fruitcake.

 

My dearest friends say that this is a major sign that I should step back out of the arena for a while because in 6 months I would never even consider someone so unworthy of me. I understand that. It makes perfect sense. It's the right thing to do. BUT I AM SO SICK OF BEING ALONE. I'm picky, it's not like I'm just dusting off some redneck & saying, "You'll do."

 

Thanks for the kind words and the advice. I'm just getting through it. But I still miss him.

 

What if the Redneck had a really cool bicycle ?