Lee's dilemma... just fate?

[Bronwyn]

I've been following this exchange closely, and I just want to ask what people think. Does it all boils down to fate? I mean, if Lee had met this guy before his girlfriend did, none of this would be an issue, right? But since that's not the way it worked out, now she's struggling against Fate, that cruel entity which dictated that she miss her chance with him.

 

Now she has to wait for Fate to decide that he should break up with his girlfriend. But that might never happen. I guess she'll never be happy.

 

Is this the way it works? Are we all just slaves to Fate? When do we take matters into our own hands, help things along a little? I'm not saying she should mess things up for them, we all seem to agree on that. But all the love advice gurus out there also seem to agree that in matters of the heart, passivity rarely pays off.

 

If you meet someone, and he could be your match, do you have to just let him walk by because someone else is on his arm? Because that's Fate? Or do you tap him on the shoulder and say, "hi there"? I think this is Lee's dilemma.

 

How do we strike a balance between taking charge of our lives, and knowing when to leave things alone?

 

Bronwyn

[Tony T]

You have asked some very good questions.

 

It's all a matter of opinion, but I think things are pretty much in the hands of fate and, even more, TIMING. We can meet a lady but if she's not ready, she's not ready.

 

Time and fate bring people together in all areas of life. In romance, we can take the bull by the horn and agressively seek out people. Once we realize that it's all in our power, many of us feel like we're in a candy store and keep on being agressive instead of settling down.

 

There are many people that would be perfect for us. It would have been cruel for our creator to have made it any other way. If my perfect mate lived in England and we missed each other on the Internet, we would be condemned to lives of loneliness.

 

Fate puts us together with the WRONG people as often as the right ones. But even those bad relationships teach us important lessons.

 

In some cultures, parents and relatives simply arrange the marriage of their offspring, prepicking the persons they will marry. Most of them seem to come off OK since the selections are tempered with the wisdom and maturity of the parents and are part of accepted custom.

 

I don't think you should be passive and I think every person should go for what they want. But if someone is taken, there are so many other wonderful people out there. When you find a gem and you are rejected, there are always other gems. Like jewelry, some of those gems have serious flaws we don't readily see.

 

I have read all of Lee's posts and I really don't understand her dilemma completely but I know she will work it out. And, somehow, we all seem to work it out and at least find some measure of happiness for a period of time. The very lucky ones find it for life.

 

It takes experience, maturity, wisdom, good judgement and intelligence to strike a great balance between taking charge of fate and just letting things happen. There are many people who have been extremely lucky in love just being patient and letting it happen in good time. When we get too eager and try to force it, it simply doesn't work as well sometimes.

[Nicky]

You have asked some very good questions.

 

It's all a matter of opinion, but I think things are pretty much in the hands of fate and, even more, TIMING. We can meet a lady but if she's not ready, she's not ready. Time and fate bring people together in all areas of life. In romance, we can take the bull by the horn and agressively seek out people. Once we realize that it's all in our power, many of us feel like we're in a candy store and keep on being agressive instead of settling down. There are many people that would be perfect for us. It would have been cruel for our creator to have made it any other way. If my perfect mate lived in England and we missed each other on the Internet, we would be condemned to lives of loneliness.

 

Fate puts us together with the WRONG people as often as the right ones. But even those bad relationships teach us important lessons. In some cultures, parents and relatives simply arrange the marriage of their offspring, prepicking the persons they will marry. Most of them seem to come off OK since the selections are tempered with the wisdom and maturity of the parents and are part of accepted custom. I don't think you should be passive and I think every person should go for what they want. But if someone is taken, there are so many other wonderful people out there. When you find a gem and you are rejected, there are always other gems. Like jewelry, some of those gems have serious flaws we don't readily see. I have read all of Lee's posts and I really don't understand her dilemma completely but I know she will work it out. And, somehow, we all seem to work it out and at least find some measure of happiness for a period of time. The very lucky ones find it for life. It takes experience, maturity, wisdom, good judgement and intelligence to strike a great balance between taking charge of fate and just letting things happen. There are many people who have been extremely lucky in love just being patient and letting it happen in good time. When we get too eager and try to force it, it simply doesn't work as well sometimes.

I agree. Timing has a lot to do with why relationships don't work out. I have met many great guys, but it was simply the wrong time.

 

I tend to live by "do as you would be done by". It's only human that we are attracted to people, whilst we are in relationships. We just don't have to act upon it, if our partner means enough to us.

[Tony T]

I pray that one day I can answer questions as briefly and eloquently as Nicky!!!

[J]

I agree. Timing has a lot to do with why relationships don't work out. I have met many great guys, but it was simply the wrong time.

 

I tend to live by "do as you would be done by". It's only human that we are attracted to people, whilst we are in relationships. We just don't have to act upon it, if our partner means enough to us.

So very well put Nicky!