2 days ago- i just gave up fighting with MM

[simple_city_girl]

hello friends.

i am writing after a long time, though i visit this forum everyday. this forum is my lifeline to survive and keep going along with the things.

 

i have written in previous posts that i was having a lot of trouble with MM, who is also superior at work. its been 2 months of fighting, arguing, and expecting answers from him and that i wanted him to pay more attention towards me. i was so tired of this fighting and stress that i have given up all 2 days ago. after a lot of introspection, i realized that there is no point is just trying to get him to pay more attention to me when i know deep down that he does care.

 

so i cooled off. and when my mind was cool, i realized that i did love him after all. i think about him everyday, he's been a wonderful friend to me for the past 3 years and he has cared for me like no one has ever did in my life till now. but i kept fighting with him for stupid reasons because i have always been an insecure person all through my adulthood. i realized that even so i was always like this, he took great are of me, inspired me to do things and brought huge changes in my personality.

 

i felt really bad and guilty after that, and so i took an opportunity and spoke to him calmly for the first time in 2 months. to my surprise, he was still so cool and patient with me. and when he saw that i was being peaceful and not arguing, he told me about the other problems he has in life. the financial debts he has to pay off, his parents are getting too old, he is not keeping well and taking pills for stress and that he's almost on the borderline case to break. he told me that i was lucky since i didnt have any problem in my life yet. i felt so awful, he has always shared such things with me time and again but hearing everything together from him today (especially after the more stress i have been giving to him and myself for months now).

 

i decided to never fight with him again, and let things be the way they are, surprisingly, this turned out to be not so difficult for me. and now he also seems happier when we meet and all the stress that i was undergoing was also wearing off..

 

amid all this i have been thinking about the first time we met, in 2005, 3 years ago. it was a wonderful time. we became friends and shared so many things. that time will never come back, but i can relish the memories.

 

things never stay the same. 3 years ago he was so energetic and eager to do things, talk things and have fun. but now he seems so older with so much baggage around him. times have changed. they change in every relationship, but more so with MM.

 

i have thought about him every single day, i admire him for what he has done for me. we are friends and its a great feeling to be a part of this friendship. what is happening today is immaterial and part of everyone's lives. the beautiful memories of the past are too good to keep me going.