...Do not have trust..Had a talk with a friend of mine...new information...

[XxBacktoBlackXx]

Hello everyone. I know normally I write spastic posts whenever I feel uncomfortable about a situation in a relationship. It really helps me to vent how I feel and I address it properly with my boyfriend. For instance, last post I was upset about my boyfriend meeting with a girl I did not know and hiding it from me. I simply asked him who she was and asked him more about her. I do not flip out on him. I am calm in real life. But on the inside, sometimes I do feel upset.

 

Anyway, this post is different in that I am not writing immediately after feeling something. I have taken a night to sit on it and think. Last night I met with a friend of mine and we went for a walk. We hadn't seen each other in awhile. I had been friends with her for a bit and she had suggested we get together last week to which I said "Of course" since I have always gotten along well with her. When I told my BF about it, he made the comment that that was awkward since that was one of his EX-gf's best friends. I did not know that because I never knew his Ex-Gf and she is studying abroad this semester, therefore is not on his campus. I do not know who her friends are. I do not attend school there. L (my friend) and I go to Hillel together (a Jewish organization on campus) and have known each other for a year. I did not meet my BF until July.

 

Anyway, L and I caught up. We had a coffee then went on a walk. She asked me how my summer was and what I had been doing. First we talked about a lot of different subjects such as feminism and politics and then of course, we got into our personal lives. I told her that I had been dating my BF and that now we were together. She asked me who he was and I told her. She immediately told me that I should be careful and to look out for myself. She told me she knew my BF through one of her good friends, who is my BF's ex and then told me how their relationship ended. What she told me was compltely different from the story that my BF told me...I had always thought something did not add up in his story to me. I always had the feeling something was false. Apparently, according to L, my BF and his ex (we will call her A) ended after my BF's mom died...A had been cheating on him throughout, which my BF knew about. My BF told A that his mother's dying wish was that he and A get married and ended up together. A broke up with my BF. He flipped out about it and kept continuing to try and contact her and did a lot of different things like this.

 

My BF told me when we met that he and A broke up because he did not want to be with her anymore. He claims that it was his mother's dying wish that he break up with A and that he live a good life. He told me he could not wait to be rid of her and that he stopped contact immediately. He claims that he had been planning on dumping her for months.

 

I am not sure what to think of this...I am confused because when my BF and I first started dating he reiterated to me that our relationship is going to be based on trust. I feel as if, if this is true, that this relationship is not based on trust but I am already falling for him. We have never fought and have not had any issues together. The last time I posted, I posted about a girl he was meeting with...he explained to me the situation and then it was dropped. We did not fight about it.

 

I did not lie to him about how my Ex and I ended as I have no reason to...I told him everything truthful about the situation. I feel, if he did lie to me, that it is very disrespectful!

 

I have always wondered, though, if my BF is lying to me about certain things and a lot of it has to do with his EX. She is studying abroad this semester and is returning in January. They have been broken up for 5 months. I wonder about the way they broke up. I wonder about whether he is still in contact with her. I really do wonder these things. Also, I have noticed little white lies...for example, he was randomly online and started talking about how this random chic from his English class sent him a friend request and he had no idea why. I did not ask him about it because I didn't care...people randomly friend me all the time. It's not abnormal. But then when he was checking his E-Mail next to me, I saw an Email from facebook with the subject saying that this girl had accepted his friend request. It does not bother me as I am friends with several guys on Facebook, but it DID bother me that he would tell a white lie like that...why lie over something so inane? Why even bring it up if you are going to lie about it? It is very strange to me.

 

I guess I am very confused about trust because I do not trust my BF completely. I was especially confused after talking with my friend last night. This makes me review situations in my mind. What do you think? Should I tell my BF about L and I's conversations and about the white lies I have noticed?

[Vertex]

If things literally don't add up through logic alone, they are red flags. If you have no reason to believe something otherwise, it's not worth getting upset over, since you don't have the information.

 

Personally, I wouldn't even bother with the ex. It's in the past. Ex-girlfriends are often a sensitive subject in many regards. Unless the ex is interfering in the present+future, I think you're better off worrying about other things.

 

 

Given what you've written so far, I'd be more inclined to trust your boyfriend. If the ex-girlfriend was cheating, then it's likely that she's dishonest when it comes to relaying events, and it's also likely that her story of the breakup was partially fabricated. I can see your boyfriend's story being more plausible -- I don't think he would do something as disrespectful as lie to you about his own dying mother's final wishes. That'd be a slap in the face to both you and the memory of his mother. When you brought up the woman that he has recitals with, I assume you guys had a very straightforward conversation and that he didn't get overly defensive. It would seem, to me, that your boyfriend is more or less being straightforward with you when it comes to these particular issues.

 

However, the Facebook thing is a little peculiar. I'd definitely bring that up and see what he says. It's entirely possible that he sent a friend request to someone a long time ago and forgot about it, and then that person only recently decided to accept the request. Regardless, it's still worth asking about, I think. White lies are a funny thing.

 

Other than that, try not to worry unless you have huge conflicting messages.