Living with my good friend

[aaron_conflicted]

Okay I'm not sure this is the right place for this, but I need some advice and didn't really know where I could go with this.

Anyway here's the story:

There is a girl I've been very good friends with for several years now, and I have had feelings for her that go beyond mere friendship for nearly as long if I'm honest. However I have never said anything about it to her (though it has apparently been quite obvious to others around us, or at least so several of my other friends have told me over the years,) partly because I don't believe she's felt the same way about me, partly because I didn't want to lose her friendship by revealing such, and partly because I am a great big shy bloody coward.

 

She has recently been looking to purchase a house of her own, and I've been offering advice to her about it, and she has found one she wants and is going through the process of finding out if she will be able to get it. She very much wants me to become her roommate if she is able, and I of course would like that very much as well, though I'm a bit hesitant to say yes, on account of my feelings. On the one hand, nothing would make me happier than to share a home with her. On the other, it feels like I'd just be setting myself up to have my heart broken.

 

It's not even a sure thing whether it will happen or not, but it's been on my mind constantly since she decided she wanted that house. I don't know if I should tell her my feelings and see what she says, for good or bad, or keep them hidden as I have and see what may come.

 

If you were in this situation, what would you do, and what course of action do you think I should take.

 

(I think I should probably also mention that she is technically married, for a little over 2 years, is in the process of getting a divorce, her husband lives in a different country, and she has actively been dating for a year and a half now)

[BlueHarvest]

Boy...your situation sounds very similar to mine.

 

For a short answer I'll say this much.

 

I'm not quite at the point to where the girl I'm enamored with is ready to have a roomate move in. But If she was at that point, I would make dead certain my feelings and intentions were clear to her.

 

Let me put it another way.

 

Let's say you move in with her and still have feelings for her but dont want to tell her because you don't wanna ruin the friendship. How do you think you'll feel when she brings home another guy? Hmm?

 

That'll hurt...it'll hurt even more and you'll be smacking your head against the wall when you start hearing them have sex too.

 

If you say something to her, yes you MIGHT lose her friendship. If you know her that well as you say you do I doubt she'll end the friendship. If you truly just want her as a friend then you won't mind being her roomate even if she doesn't want anything more out of it. And your mind will be at ease because you will know how she feels.

 

Whatever you do...DO NOT move in without telling her how you feel. You'll just set yourself up for an emotional breakdown.

 

WORST case scenario...she doesn't want you to move in and she stops being your friend...all because you will (possibly) tell her that you like her. If that's how she reacts to you saying you like her alot, is she really your friend?

 

On the flip side...BEST case scenario. She is happy that you have feelings for her....and will gladly let you move in as a roomate. 'Course this could go wrong too down the road if you two don't work out...but you can cross that bridge later IF it happens.