She left me Second time in our one year LDR.I am broken

[lovebug4k]

:(

I have been in relationship for almost 4.5 years now.We were planning to get married next year. I moved out of my country in August 2007 and came to USA.So my relationship turned into a LDR since the last year.In December 2007 we had a huge fight over the phone, over a misunderstanding and she said she did not want to be with me in this relationship.I was heart broken.I tried to convince her for almost 2 months, but then eventually gave up.But after a month in March 2008, she came back.She was sorry for what she did, n without saying a word I took her back.I think not saying a word to her was my biggest mistake.Things were going great March onwards, and I went to my country from June 08 to Aug 08.

 

While I was there with her, initial days were great and passionate.We were just inseperable.But after 3-4 weeks, I started getting irritated, n getting angry with her.I think the anger of her leaving me was still in me, n some part of me had not forgiven her.I never realised this that time, untill she left me again. Well, so I was not behaving properly with her in July, and I even said to her I want to call it off for no aparent reason.I realised I am being stupid,so I reconciled.Things were good and smooth after that, but still I didnot give her a piece of my mind, cause I didnot want to hurt her with and harsh words.

 

I came back to USA.In September, she got very busy with her work , n she was not able to talk to me for a week.I was getting frustrated, but I kept my cool that week.The week after that I lost my job.I was very upset, n lonely.I live alone here, so I had no one to talk to.I called her to talk, but again she was busy.I understood her situation, n didnot pester her to talk.Then one day I called her, n she sounded a bit upset.She wanted to tell me something, but in my frustration of losing my job, I was not in a state to listen to her and I banged the phone on her saying "I will call you when I feel like". She took the meaning of this as if I want a break.I called her after a week, n she said to me "Its not working for me,I want to be free and not answerable to anyone.I don't want a relationship". It's been almost 15 days now, that she hasn't contacted me.She has not found anyone, cause all my friends are there in my country, so I know whats happening at her end. She seems scared that I am going to leave her, a friend of mine told me.

I realised my mistake, that I took her for granted.I just want her back.We both love each other immensly, but I don know why she is doing this.Someone please help me.Is she suffering from

LDR

blues? or she really left me this time?She hasn't contacted me even once to know if I am alright.

I am sorry for writing so long.I have never written here.Pardon my English grammer if I mispelt something.