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I am the perverbial nice guy & its not workin


tackleboxteddybear

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tackleboxteddybear

Ok here goes.

 

Ive been wanting a relationship for quite a while really dreaming of finding a companion for any form of stimuly more intelectual & buddy like while still having a sexual relationship more hugs & kisses than the actual act although that is nice as well lol.

 

Ive only had a few relationships & im not ugly physically or socially.I am the perverbial nice guy & its not workin.I know im smart I kno im goodlookin i get along universally but this sounds arrogant i dont say these things to friends.

 

I always meet a girl who i become infatuated with because I either like where she stand intelectually & or I feel like I would luv to take care of her & not just cause i think shes pretty cause there is more to it than that.But all mylife ive been pushed over by gals who breakup with me then want to go out with me again then dont but try to get on me confusing me for I fall quick.That or they pull th "I like u as a friend" technique which very often if not always results in heart break for me.

 

I always do the BE YOUR SELF THING but it never works.

 

& the guys who least apprecaite there gals alwys get the gal to be head over heels for them.

 

WHAT THE HELL AM I DOING WRONG HERE ?IM VERY TIRED OF SINGLE LIFE.

 

do i need to be more dramatic or make sexual advances or lie to them like the rest of my friends to get into their pants?Is there a book i should read?Do I need to be tough guy & beat the holy hell out some poor guy?

 

& im not even considering going to a bar cause i quit drinkin nor to a church cause i have lets say my own belief rather than me being an athiest.

 

Ladies can I get some insight here? :(

 

Im a diehard romantic that actually aint afraid to say I right poetry songs & enjoy the close company of a woman but im kinda shy as well.

 

I just need a muse to help me flo with life easier & to inspire me to do great things.

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2SidestoStories

First, a question, if I may...How old are you?

 

Secondly...

I always do the BE YOUR SELF THING but it never works.

 

How well do you know yourself? I mean, based on what you've said, you have a fair assessment of what you think other people may see when they look at you, but are you singing yourself praises that you truly believe? I don't mean that to sound harsh, but it sounds like what you may be putting out there is, "HEY COME ON!! PLEEEEEEEEEEEASE NOTICE ME!!! I'M REALLY NOT A SCARY OR AWFUL OR NASTY GUY!" A big part of being yourself is being comfortable in your own skin; accepting who you are in every aspect, and striving to change what you would prefer to improve upon. I have no suggestions for you in this, however, other than to give yourself as fair an analysis as you would give to someone you're wanting to spend time with. NO pedestal, mind you. Just acceptance.

 

& the guys who least apprecaite there gals alwys get the gal to be head over heels for them.

 

These gals are most likely not the ones you would actually want to be spending time with. Just a thought: are there any wallflower gals around to whom you may relate better? Think about that for a bit.

 

WHAT THE HELL AM I DOING WRONG HERE ?IM VERY TIRED OF SINGLE LIFE.

 

do i need to be more dramatic or make sexual advances or lie to them like the rest of my friends to get into their pants?Is there a book i should read?Do I need to be tough guy & beat the holy hell out some poor guy?

 

Ummmm....sounds like your previous line may be rather leaning toward the dramatic. But to answer your non-rhetorical questions: No. No. Couldn't tell you about the book. and Are you a "tough guy"?

 

im not even considering going to a bar cause i quit drinkin nor to a church cause i have lets say my own belief rather than me being an athiest.

Good for you in the quitting drinking dept. My sentiments are if you're looking for long term, don't go to a bar anyway. And going to church to pick up women?!?!?! <sigh> I'll just reserve comment on that one.

 

One last thing....Women deserve to be treated with respect and dignity, and your declaration of desire for a muse indicates that whole pedestal notion I suggested you avoid earlier. I daresay you would rather have a meaningful relationship than a muse.

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I'm not a woman...but I'll throw this bit of wisdom in, as I've received it numerous times.

 

Women (worthwhile ones) are going to be attracted to a guy who is doing his OWN thing. I don't mean you are standing out from the crowd and 100% unique. I mean you are doing something with your life. You have a plan and are following through with it. You're getting an education and you have career plans....or you've gotten yourself into a career. You have interest/hobbies that you pursue with independence. You're involved in learning about yourself and the world around you. You are in control of your world and making things happen. Whatever your THING may be....you're doing it. The decent women can friggin smell when a guy has his **** together........and when he doesn't.

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instead of focusing on looking for an r/s, focus on learning about yourself. when you see a girl you like, approach her, get to know her better, etc, but the focus of your life shouldn't be finding a date - gals always sense it if that's the case.

 

good luck,

-yes

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tackleboxteddybear
One last thing....Women deserve to be treated with respect and dignity, and your declaration of desire for a muse indicates that whole pedestal notion I suggested you avoid earlier. I daresay you would rather have a meaningful relationship than a muse.

 

I didnt just mean the muse part.I was talking about someone who makes me want to be better who gives me somin to thrive on.A love + a meaning.

 

I think the thing that throws women off is me being myself.Ive been lonely for too long & I feel an urge to find someone to share thoughts with as well as intamentsy.Im 23 & I will feel awful if i dont have a child under my seed by the time im 28 & even moreso if I havent found a relationship that atleast has proceeded for over a year.

 

Im truly a sad soul when it comes to social interaction but I feel good to make ppl laugh.That hole i kno im good looking thing mighta reached to far but im not over weight & most girls I talk to think i am one of the sweetest guys in the world (sweeter than their B/f's).

 

 

What do women want ?(do i need to watch the movie again)

 

there is a hole in my soul growing wider by the day & i know not how much longer I can take the dismay

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2SidestoStories

Tackleboxteddybear,

 

I didnt just mean the muse part.I was talking about someone who makes me want to be better who gives me somin to thrive on.A love + a meaning.

 

That's wonderful! I apologize for coming across in a less than understanding way when I first replied. I personally have been dubbed "muse" by a few men in my life, and although I frankly don't understand why, I can tell you that there is only so much doting that the 'muse' can handle at any given point in time (and in my experience, only so much doting that the fellow in question is actually capable of/willing to do!)

 

You could call me the proverbial nice girl, in many ways, in spite of my sarcastic attitude. I have often been put in the position where I'm the only single gal at the party whilst everyone else is off hooking up, or showed up with someone else in the first place. For a while, I had myself convinced that "that was the way it was supposed to be." But I wound up being awfully lonely and depressed and therefore would withdraw even farther away whenever I did perchance get some notice from a guy.

 

People are amazing animals. We can sense fear and self-loathing instantaneously in others (likely because a fair majority of us have had our own bouts with such things) and realize that we don't want someone who dislikes themself. Girls are often drawn to the overconfident guys because they put out an 'aura' (if you'll pardon my word choice) of "Hey Baby! Check me out! Look at the GOOODS I'm bringin' to the world!" Unfortunately, as you have pointed out, a lot of times these fellows may believe they're God's Gift to the world, when in reality, it's the wallflowers that ought be tended more closely.

 

You were looking for advice, and I thought I gave you some that was fairly on the mark. Ryan has actually said quite a bit that's worth considering. I'll offer one more thing: Believe in yourself. Even if you were to find someone who may love you, if you don't believe you're worth it, she won't stay around: you will more than likely inadvertently chase her away by commenting here and there that you're not worth it, etc. I've been through this myself. Remember that although another person can contribute to your happiness that you have to find it within YOU to be at very least content with who you are and what you can offer to another person...also be willing to explore what you can change in terms of the dynamic of your relationship. Communicate! Be open, and don't fall into the trap of "not saying something because it'll hurt her feelings." Trust me when I tell you this: you will do more harm by not telling someone how you feel than telling them up front.

 

You'll be fine. Don't feel sorry for yourself; feel that you're worthwhile, and work on believing it!

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