High Expectations

[Sara]

How do I not have so high of expectations when it comes to boyfriends? My boyfriend and I have been dating 4 years. I really love him and most of the time enjoy everything he says/does, but when it comes to birthdays/Christmas/anniversary/Valentine's Day I become a different person. It's just that I feel like I put soooo much more thought into my gifts and plans then he does. The main thing I want from him is not necessarily any particular gift--I just want to know he really put thought into whatever it is and REALLY planned. It's not something he just threw together or at the last minute is like "So, where do you want to go." I know he's afraid of disappointing me, which seems to be easy. I feel so awful. Help. I'm sure I'm making holidays not very much fun for us. I try not to complain or anything, but it just sucks. I want a man who really goes all out, because I do. I think and plan for 2 months prior and yes, sometiems I wait until the last minute, but I still put my whole heart into everything. I feel horrible, because I end up hinting for things and getting them, but feeling like it doesn't matter because I had to hint at it to get it. Plus, he's really gotten lazy w/ romance since the beginning of our relationship. This year I only got one flower. I love flowers! And prior to that I got a dozen roses almost every year and a small-medium bouquet for basically every holiday. I don't want to have to hint that I want flowers, because that ruins it, but a rose only costs $1.99 and it means a lot. How can I stop being so demanding and pressuring him to do things, but at the same time motivate him to really plan? He's the nicest, most caring and thoughtful person I know every other day, BUT during special holidays he freezes. He tries, I know, but it's never good enough for me. I need help to stop being such a horrible person and girflriend.

[Nicky]

How do I not have so high of expectations when it comes to boyfriends? My boyfriend and I have been dating 4 years. I really love him and most of the time enjoy everything he says/does, but when it comes to birthdays/Christmas/anniversary/Valentine's Day I become a different person. It's just that I feel like I put soooo much more thought into my gifts and plans then he does. The main thing I want from him is not necessarily any particular gift--I just want to know he really put thought into whatever it is and REALLY planned. It's not something he just threw together or at the last minute is like "So, where do you want to go." I know he's afraid of disappointing me, which seems to be easy. I feel so awful. Help. I'm sure I'm making holidays not very much fun for us. I try not to complain or anything, but it just sucks. I want a man who really goes all out, because I do. I think and plan for 2 months prior and yes, sometiems I wait until the last minute, but I still put my whole heart into everything. I feel horrible, because I end up hinting for things and getting them, but feeling like it doesn't matter because I had to hint at it to get it. Plus, he's really gotten lazy w/ romance since the beginning of our relationship. This year I only got one flower. I love flowers! And prior to that I got a dozen roses almost every year and a small-medium bouquet for basically every holiday. I don't want to have to hint that I want flowers, because that ruins it, but a rose only costs $1.99 and it means a lot. How can I stop being so demanding and pressuring him to do things, but at the same time motivate him to really plan? He's the nicest, most caring and thoughtful person I know every other day, BUT during special holidays he freezes. He tries, I know, but it's never good enough for me. I need help to stop being such a horrible person and girflriend.

Hiya

 

We all show our love in different ways. Many people find it hard to choose presents for loved ones. Many were brought up in families, where there was very little emphasis placed upon giving gifts, or even thinking much about them.

 

Some people just do not regard this as important. And it isn't really, think about.

 

What's more important? He gives you flowers once a month? Or that when you've been knocked over by a car and are in hospital, that he's the guy who'll rush to see you're OK, feed your cats while you're laid up, pick you up from the hospital, and then spend the next month running you around in his car, doing your shopping, and generally making your life easier?

 

I don't like sweeping statements, but I'll make one (!): I think men show their love in actions, more than words. To many I know, Valentines cards might better be served in more practical matters, such as scooping up the cat mess off the lawn. They can send you as many as you want, but it's just not them, it's not their language.

 

Probably for a guy, an expression of love on his terms would be stripping his car down, and giving it an all over service, wax & shine! But do we hear them complain?

 

Don't get me wrong. I know it can hurt a bit. My BF promised me a pendant last Christmas. In the end I got a book on DIY(I'm about to move house & enjoy DIY), because he didn't have time to get round to it! It didn't make me feel terribly important, especially since I, like you, made a big effort on his birthday, and spoilt him rotten. But I don't have to have my actions reciprocated. I enjoy it.

 

Try to focus on all the great things about your BF. I'm sure he's very supportive, reliable and many other things, and isn't that what counts?

[Tony T]

You are right on every time. You need to consider writing a book!!!

[Shirley]

How do I not have so high of expectations when it comes to boyfriends? My boyfriend and I have been dating 4 years. I really love him and most of the time enjoy everything he says/does, but when it comes to birthdays/Christmas/anniversary/Valentine's Day I become a different person. It's just that I feel like I put soooo much more thought into my gifts and plans then he does. The main thing I want from him is not necessarily any particular gift--I just want to know he really put thought into whatever it is and REALLY planned. It's not something he just threw together or at the last minute is like "So, where do you want to go." I know he's afraid of disappointing me, which seems to be easy. I feel so awful. Help. I'm sure I'm making holidays not very much fun for us. I try not to complain or anything, but it just sucks. I want a man who really goes all out, because I do. I think and plan for 2 months prior and yes, sometiems I wait until the last minute, but I still put my whole heart into everything. I feel horrible, because I end up hinting for things and getting them, but feeling like it doesn't matter because I had to hint at it to get it. Plus, he's really gotten lazy w/ romance since the beginning of our relationship. This year I only got one flower. I love flowers! And prior to that I got a dozen roses almost every year and a small-medium bouquet for basically every holiday. I don't want to have to hint that I want flowers, because that ruins it, but a rose only costs $1.99 and it means a lot. How can I stop being so demanding and pressuring him to do things, but at the same time motivate him to really plan? He's the nicest, most caring and thoughtful person I know every other day, BUT during special holidays he freezes. He tries, I know, but it's never good enough for me. I need help to stop being such a horrible person and girflriend.

Hi!

 

You're not horrible. All women loved to be romanced. Here's the thing. Men and women think of romance differently. Think about it. Men spend their single lives romancing women. They are terribly worried that women won't like them, so they try their hardest to show they are interested. Once you've commited to them, they're happy as clams. And it's not that they don't want to romance you any more, they just don't think about it. They are more relaxed and not worried about needing to impress you any more. Gifts are really no big deal to them, unless it's some sort of toy. They love toys. They don't understand the whole card thing, or even those silly flowers that rot in a week anyway. If they give you candy, they're afraid that you'll get mad and think they want you to get fat. As far as planning a date, they get nervous. What if you don't like the place he chooses? Now men do know that women love jewelry. But they want to give nice jewelry, and sometimes that just isn't affordable. So it's not that they don't want to give you things, or take you places, it's just that they want to know for sure that you will "love" it. Think about Valentine's Day. The whole world is celebrating it. So there really isn't anything "special" about it when it comes to just the two of you. Now you can't really ask for gifts, 'cause it doesn't feel the same, but you can ask him to take you out for a romatic dinner, and pick the place, and he'll be happy to go. And it will still feel just as romantic to you. And I promise that his gift giving skills will improve a great deal with time.

[Delissa]

OH My GOD! I feel you. I have the most wonderful Man, I love him to death. I dont know what to do either! I love him with my soul. He is my bear. I feel the need to be carried off my feet. I love him, I love him He is my soul mate. He hurts my feelings, I know he doesnt hurt them intentionally, but he hurts them. Today is his birthday. And he picked and argument. I told him, his birthday means more to me than it does to him! And that is the truth.I love him.

How do I not have so high of expectations when it comes to boyfriends? My boyfriend and I have been dating 4 years. I really love him and most of the time enjoy everything he says/does, but when it comes to birthdays/Christmas/anniversary/Valentine's Day I become a different person. It's just that I feel like I put soooo much more thought into my gifts and plans then he does. The main thing I want from him is not necessarily any particular gift--I just want to know he really put thought into whatever it is and REALLY planned. It's not something he just threw together or at the last minute is like "So, where do you want to go." I know he's afraid of disappointing me, which seems to be easy. I feel so awful. Help. I'm sure I'm making holidays not very much fun for us. I try not to complain or anything, but it just sucks. I want a man who really goes all out, because I do. I think and plan for 2 months prior and yes, sometiems I wait until the last minute, but I still put my whole heart into everything. I feel horrible, because I end up hinting for things and getting them, but feeling like it doesn't matter because I had to hint at it to get it. Plus, he's really gotten lazy w/ romance since the beginning of our relationship. This year I only got one flower. I love flowers! And prior to that I got a dozen roses almost every year and a small-medium bouquet for basically every holiday. I don't want to have to hint that I want flowers, because that ruins it, but a rose only costs $1.99 and it means a lot. How can I stop being so demanding and pressuring him to do things, but at the same time motivate him to really plan? He's the nicest, most caring and thoughtful person I know every other day, BUT during special holidays he freezes. He tries, I know, but it's never good enough for me. I need help to stop being such a horrible person and girflriend.