anne_sam Posted October 9, 2008 Share Posted October 9, 2008 This is my first post and it's going to be long and possibly convoluted but I really need help here and it's complicated...at least it seems that way. So I'm in college now. Been here for two months and I've gotten very involved. I just made editor for the lit. magazine here which is amazing and I'm doing community service, dance, a singing group, just a whole bunch of things and I've met people but I don't feel like I've met enough. I don't have a core group of friends I'm truly comfortable with yet and it seems like everyone else has had a group of 30 since they got here. My friends are kind of scattered. A lot of them don't party and the girls on my floor who do party? Well,I went out with them once and I'm not into being a part of their group. So I want to make friends. But primarily, I want a boyfriend, and more guyfriends. I'm 18 and I've barely had either and it's a constant source of insecurity. I've kissed once, at prom, and that got pretty heavy. I actually have a lot of interest in sex. But I guess I'm different from most girls. Flirting doesn't come as naturally. I'm never sure when it's appropriate to touch. I don't always know what to talk about to keep their attention and it feels like guys fixate on one girl after knowing her a short period of time, and never look away, even if she's taken. At least, that's the guys here. I also have a very negative roomate and it's made me very insecure about myself. I feel like I'm taking in her negative and prudish energy and I'm not coming off as fun and energetic and comfortable as all the other girls. Even the ones who don't have any experience and so many do so that just adds to my insecurity. And I feel like guys can tell that. I can't recognize signals like that at all. Sometimes, I feel like I'm just always going to suck at this. Sometimes, it's just easier to stay in my dorm room. And it doesn't help that my dorm is the only one on campus WITHOUT co-ed floors. We have two floors of guys and two of girls. There are about 50 guys in this dorm...i know like 5. How ridiculous is that? And I AM very pretty. I'm just extremely awkward. So here are my questions: How do I meet boys? What's too forward and what's not forward enough? What's too flirtatious and what DO guys take as flirting. Is it ok not to flirt right away? IS smart a turn off? When is it appropriate to touch and how much? Do guys just want to know if you're interested? What should I talk about? Is smiling all the time enough or is that sometimes a turn off? Is real attractive? How do I act so that guys think it's ok to touch, to initiate something, even affectionate friendship? I left out something. I do know this one guy in one of my classes and he's awesome. He's so smart and he thinks I am too. We discuss philosophy and the other night in the laundry room we were discussing the economic crisis. He's cute and friendly and he waits for me outside philosophy sometimes, but I don't think that means he likes me. I think he really just loves our class and wants to talk about it. But he does seem upset when i have to leave. He's kind of a very focused student too and doesn't seem like he'd go for the typical party girl (even though that's sort of what I want to become.) SO yes we're friends. I asked him to be part of an RA committee for our dorm and he said yes. SO now what? Sometimes I just wish he'd let me know, like just push me up against a wall and kiss me. Am I expecting too much too fast? How do I know what he's thinking? I would really appreciate any help. Thanks! Link to post Share on other sites
allanDR Posted October 9, 2008 Share Posted October 9, 2008 Generally if a guy regularly waits for you after class it means he's probably interested. Figure out what stuff he does outside of class and just spend time with him. Spend enough time with him and he'll most likely get the hint. Don't freak out, school just started. Link to post Share on other sites
joshaz Posted October 9, 2008 Share Posted October 9, 2008 If you want guy friends then all you have to do is make a habit of walking to the shower nekkid each morning. At least that's how my freshman dorm experience went... ... Then you can graduate to sex in the shower stalls and sex against your boyfriend's dorm room door. Oh college, how I miss thee... Link to post Share on other sites
MN randomguy Posted October 10, 2008 Share Posted October 10, 2008 Philosophy boy is really into you. First and foremost. Secondly, he's probably feeling just as awkward around you. You could tell him that you think he's cute, or whatever. Guys and especially awkward guys don't get hints. Being honest is more effective than whatever game you've got going. If you're sure he doesn't want a party girl you'll have to choose between him and partying. Another thing I'd like to add. Party girls get sex and attention from boys until they turn 26 or so. Then, nobody wants them. Don't know if you want a relationship or sex. If you want to be a party girl and are attractive. Just show more skin. I will warn you, Not saying it can't work out, sometimes it does. I know some might say I need to lighten up. But, I will tell you this however. I'm 28, male and signed up for eharmony. I had to cancel because my inbox was clogged with washed up 30 y/o "Oh, I was a party girl and now I want a real relationship" And, I'm not even that attractive. Hate to think of what most of those girls will wind-up settling for. Link to post Share on other sites
monkey00 Posted October 10, 2008 Share Posted October 10, 2008 Equation: You put a hormone raging socially awkward shy guy and girl together, what do you get? Absolutely nothing. Seriously one of you will have to eventually make a move. Link to post Share on other sites
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